Revive The Chariot: Support Our Legendary Golf Cart

**Title: Help Our Drunk Golf Cart "The Chariot" Rise Again!**

*(Batteries not included... anymore.)*

**Story:**

Once upon a time in a not-so-sober land just beyond the Dollar General, a group of lifelong friends discovered the true American Dream: a half-functional golf cart, three coolers of Keystone Light, and absolutely no regard for HOA regulations.

Her name? **The Chariot**.

Her purpose? To transport tipsy legends from one driveway party to the next like some kind of wheeled, battery-powered Uber for degenerates.

But then tragedy struck.

**The Chariot is dead.**

Her battery is gone—victim of time, cheap beer, and what we can only assume was a vengeful squirrel. We've tried CPR (Connecting, Praying, Recharging) but it's flatlined.

**We’re asking for your help.**

Not for us, but for freedom. For mobility. For beer runs at 2am when no one should be driving anything but a glorified lawnmower on wheels.

**Where your money goes:**

* A new set of batteries to resurrect The Chariot

* Possibly a Bluetooth speaker upgrade if we find a coupon

* Definitely NOT being spent on more Keystone (we’re stocked for weeks)

**Why now?**

Because Joe Biden’s economy has the price of batteries higher than our blood pressure after last year’s 4th of July cookout.

Because we’re still recovering emotionally (and financially) from COVID canceling the annual driveway Olympics two years in a row.

And because we messaged **Dwight Yoakam**—yes, the *Dwight Yoakam*—and asked him to fund this as a gesture of American brotherhood… and he *left us on read*.

So now it’s up to **you**, kind stranger.

Help us raise this golf cart from the ashes. Let The Chariot ride again and restore honor, chaos, and possibly a few DUI-adjacent moments to our great neighborhood.

Donate today, or live with the knowledge that you could have helped drunk legends continue their legacy of barely-functioning transportation.

God bless.

And may Dwight Yoakam stub his toe.

Look, we know what you’re thinking:

“Wow, these guys are clearly Keystone-fueled rednecks trying to resurrect a golf cart they probably shouldn’t be allowed to drive in the first place.”

**And you’re only half right.**

Because we have *hearts*, dammit.

That’s why **50% of everything raised** will go straight to the **Amarillo Humane Society**—to help dogs, cats, and whatever other animals are out there living better lives than our buddy Mike (who once rode The Chariot into a tree and called it a “controlled landing”).

So when you donate, you’re not just helping us relive our poor life choices on wheels—you’re also helping animals in need. And we think that makes this the *most responsible irresponsible* GoFundMe you’ll donate to all year.