Help John regain some dignity in his life

Hi my name is John the end of life as I knew it was on the 19th December 2019

whilst getting dressed I felt what seemed like water running down the inside of my leg then within 25 minutes I was paralyzed.

The ambulance men arrived and whilst examining me on the bed i suddenly saw my leg and foot vertical looking down at me, I could not understand it how could the ambulance man have lifted my leg without me feeling it.

They took me to Hull Royal Hospital where I spent 10 days, during this time the Physio got my legs moving as if I was kicking a football and the specialist told me I would walk again with lots of Physio there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

I was transferred to Pinderfield hospital spinal unit on New Years eve upon arrival I was examined by the spinal specialist who basically kicked me between the legs when he told me I would leave hospital in a wheelchair, the light at the end of the tunnel just went out.

I then spent the next 2 months meeting people from charities and Works and Pensions and learning wheelchair skills from the Physio as I was expected to leave in a wheelchair.

On one of my visits to works and pensions I was told that because I was 66 I was not entitled to PIP or Mobility all I could claim for was attendance allowance so no money to live on and no money to change my wife’s car for a car which we both could drive (automatic) yet another kick between my legs, The nurses and assistants were all caring and wonderful people.

This is how I left Pinderfield (confused) my spine is not broken or even damaged why can I not walk.

I arrived home in a wheelchair.

Another twist in my life I had only been home for 5 days when I was rushed into Hull Royal with a urine infection, which lasted 7 days I could not stop shaking.

At last I was home and trying to get used to life as a cripple, but because I wanted to keep my home as normal as possible I had a stairlift installed but because I had no feelings below my waist I had to lift and swing my body every time I wanted to get on shower chair go to bed or use stairlift so many transfers

after a couple of months of being at home I developed a small red mark on my left leg just near my shin, this small red mark turned into a hole so deep that you could see my tendons.

I was going to Castle Hill dermatology department every week for my leg but all they did was give me steroids as they did not know what caused the hole in my leg.

I stayed in bed for 8 months because every time I got into my wheel chair my leg started to bleed and weep puss, all the time I had been home my bowels had been opening when ever they wanted which meant my wife had to clean me up maybe 2or3 times a day, it destroyed our marriage as my wife felt she was a carer not a wife, it got so bad that we both decided to kill ourselves by laying on the bed and taking all my tablets.

Thankfully we changed our minds and I contacted Pinderfield hospital for help

They found me a bed and I was admitted after a few days I was asking for bowel training to help my wife and wheelchair training as I had lost my confidence being in bed for so long.

Whilst I was there I told the nurse that the bandage on my leg needed changing every 2 days, when they removed the bandage and saw the hole they were shocked and sent for the specialist he immediately said that if I got peritonitis and I could die, so he recommended cutting my leg off below the knee. and that I should phone my wife to discuss.

I felt as if I was loosing my life a bit at a time

I was then approached by the plastics department who said the could cover the hole in my leg with a skin graft.

They carried out the skin graft successfully and my leg at the moment is ok, I then started to concentrate on my bowel training but I kept going from being constipated for a few days to having diarrhea for a few days back and forth and no further forward.

I was getting more and more depressed everyday, then I was told that I had to leave hospital and go either home or to a respite home, I knew I could not go home and put my wife through all the shit every day.

This pushed me over the edge I stopped eating and started to cut my arms as a way of in my head make sense of things.

The hospital put me on suicide watch, after a week the hospital decided to offer me a Colostomy I accepted willingly.

After 5 months in hospital I was ready to go home no more bowel problems and the hole in my leg fixed.

I arrived home now my finance troubles started all I had coming in was my state pension and my attendance allowance my wife gets carers allowance of 64 pound a week all added together meant we could pay bills and live but nothing else.

I can just manage to get into my wife’s car but my wheel chair is a struggle plus my wife has tunnel vision and cannot drive any distance, I need to buy a bigger car automatic so that I can get it converted for my disability plus my wheelchair fits in properly.

I have worked all my life and never asked for anything but I really need help so that I can get my dignity and life back by being able to gain freedom and be able to drive again.