Help Bern Record her songs

Hi, my name is Berniece, I’m a wife, mother and a singer-songwriter. Some of you may know my story and some may not. I have never been able to properly record and produce my music for many reasons but in May this year, thanks to my friend Candice Lorrae, I have been given an opportunity to record some of my original songs for my children and family.

I’m the type of person who will always do things for other people, try to have their needs met before mine. I’ve served both of my parents and still do when they need me. I got married and started to have children and if you’re married and have children, then you know for sure that road is long and hard! Periodt.

After all this, I was diagnosed and now I’m healed after a very long 2 years. I only had to do Chemo and Immunotherapy once a month, and what I learned from a near death experience, is that life is so beautiful and worth living to the fullest and to do what you love now, because ‘life is too short’, very cliché I know but it’s also very true.

I’m well out of my comfort zone asking for help but here I am doing something I really want to do for me.

If you know me and have journeyed with me, you could just skip reading my long ass story of how I nearly went on to glory fighting Stage 4 Breast Metastatic ‘C’ and if you felt drawn to donate… just click the donate button. You already know that I’ve put up a good fight and beat this horrible illness twice! (The second time it spread into my bones, kidney and liver). I just want to pursue my dreams right now, something to give to my family and friends and I would love your help to do it.

At the bottom you will see what I need the funds for.

If you don’t know my story, I want to tell it and if you feel that you want to donate towards my songs being recorded, you can.

I’ll start in 2023 when I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Metastatic ‘C’. Just writing that sentence really triggers me. On that day, when I heard the doctors tell me that ‘they could not do anything for me’, I was waiting for someone to laugh and say ‘nah gamon’ . It was very abrupt and a shock to the system. My husband and I broke down as our five children played in the waiting room. I obviously had faith in God and knew God had a different plan for my life, not the one that was just given to me by the Oncologist in Robina Hospital. But because I am human, I went through all the emotions from fear of what would happen to my children and my family, to anger asking WHY?!

I started to feel an urgency to spend time with my family (even though I home-schooled them), I also wanted to travel and just do as much as I could with my singing both in and out of church. At the same time, I started to travel a bit with my music group (Suga Cane Mamas) and First Nations Homeschool Co-op. (Kgira Kgarum First Nations Homeschool Co-op).

The year 2023 was very crammed with a lot of everything, with let’s just keep moving and keep my mind off what is trying to take me away from the ones I love so much.

At first, I was adamant to do things naturally and have no treatment but having the boss of the family (my eldest sister) work in health, she told me that I must at least have some treatment, so I gave in to her. I also was open to Aboriginal spiritual healing. It was a real strange journey. The feeling of trying to stay alive for my children and because life itself is so beautiful, especially when you are hanging on the edge of life and death, I felt I was gasping for breath.

On September 5 th , 2023, four months after my diagnosis I had a glimmer of hope. My second scan came back with only a spot of ‘C’ on my chest/breast plate and a spot on my left back. I was really giving all the glory to God and thanking everyone for their support and prayers. It was very overwhelming and beautiful. It was also very surreal that people were continually reaching out, checking in and loving on my family and me. We as a family were reassured that we were not alone and that we were loved.

Returning home Christmas 2023 after spending six weeks up the Cape and in Cairns, I weighed 100 kg. My goal was to keep on as much weight as long as I could. My motive was this would keep me strong but also people might not be able to tell that I had health issues.It was a domino effect from returning home from FNQ, I was auditioning sick after having a double dose of Immunotherapy, then we got the sad news from Melbourne my mother-in-law passed March 10 th , 2024.

Bob was my strength from the very beginning of this journey and I really wanted to be there for him but as we spent that week in Melbourne, I started to feel the side-effects of the double dose of Immunotherapy. I had stopped eating and my body started to spasm, I couldn’t walk and had to rest every five minutes. I couldn’t stand for very long and it continued for five weeks. What should have been time for him to grieve and mourn for his mama, Bob had to look after me. I have never felt guilt like that in my lifetime and it’s something I can’t take back either. I was going on a bit of an attack blaming my doctor because he should have known not to give me a double dose of Immunotherapy, that’s what the doctor had told me that he should have never administered a double dose of Immunotherapy, I was so mad. I told my doctors I wanted to take six months off all treatment.

Around April – Mayish I started a rapid decline in my health again, but worse than before, pains in my back and legs, I couldn't sleep comfortably. Bob bought two mattresses trying to find a comfortable one when in fact it wasn’t the mattress at all.

I was in disbelief that this was happening all over again.

I lost 30 – 40kg within two months and looked like death. I knew people were shocked when they saw me, I could feel them mourning me already. I even had an Aunty say to my face “You’re wasting away, Bern”. I couldn’t believe that anyone would say that to a person.

Despite all this, I kept up my positiveness because I’m just naturally bubbly. But it was in those quiet times I would have a little cry and tell God to let me stay here for my children.

Just let me stay.

A music trip to Townsville and Palm Island was on the horizon for August and with my bones in pain, screaming out day and night in pain while washing dishes or helping the kids with their schoolwork, or laying naked in the sun out the back yard covered in castor oil, the pain hurt but it in my mind I knew this was a trip I really wanted to be a part of. Bob returned to work after having four months off. Being a typical hard head that I am, I didn’t want to go back to hospital, I just wanted to go and sing and visit Palm Island again. I graduated from school in Townsville. The first time I had been to Palm I was in my 20’s and so I was really looking

forward to this trip.

My big sister had told me ‘Bern don’t go on this trip; you need to start writing down your wishes’. I looked like death at this point. She rang my father telling him to ring me so I wouldn’t go but it was something I wanted to do, I had to keep singing. I didn’t want to stop living. My father replied, “If Bern wants to do it, no one will stop her, not even death”. I was throwing up any food I ate at this point and struggled to walk, at this point, I was determined get to North Queensland.

Monday came around. I took my steroid and boarded the plane, arriving in Townsville around midmorning, caught an uber from the airport and straight into rehearsals. No time to feel sick, no time for my body or bones to ache in pain. I was focussed. I had some soups and light food up until I went to one of the fellow singers’ apartments after rehearsals, she had cooked a meal in her room which I gulped down while waiting for my ride back to my hotel. It was the first meal I had eaten and kept down in weeks. I was very proud of that small moment.

We did the boat ride to Palm Island, had our concert and returned late that night with some lil friends in tow (spirits), I was so exhausted from the whole day. I just collapsed in my bed ignoring the little spirits that had followed me. They felt like children, wanting to play. The next day my mother called to see if I was coming over to my brother's home and they picked me up around 10am. He brushed off the spirits before I entered his home. I was happy to be with my mum and big brother as the journey I was on in 2024 was very different and because of the ‘C’ now spreading to my bones I was in so much excrutiating pain. It was nice to be around family, my nieces and nephews came around and Grannies. I cruised around with my niece for a bit in hopes that the rehearsals for the day were going to be cancelled, and they were. Good news, I could relax and enjoy my family.

The following day my father, another big brother and his family came down from Cairns to see the show.

The show was directly across from the school that I had graduated from, it was held in the town Civic Theatre. My best friend of 25 years showed up during sound check and tears fell when I saw her for the first time in twenty years.

I thought this could be the last show at that time. That's how my body felt.

After the show and we had dinner at the hotel I was staying at, I ate steak! It was a huge moment and even though I didn’t quite finish it, I knew my body was ready to fight again.

After returning home we went to the Oncologist, this was my first visit back after six months had passed. During those six months I continued to travel for music, show up for church and for my family and friends and if you came to visit me you wouldn’t really have noticed much difference except for the weight loss. People noticed me struggling to climb the stairs at church but otherwise, I carried myself as normal as possible.

I had my fourth scan and even though I tried my hardest to cover up that I couldn’t walk upright because of my back pain, I hobbled into the office, a smile beaming across my face to hide what I was hoping to not be true. The Oncologist asked how I was, and I was trying to be strong and not let on. But he had already seen the scan and said, “It doesn’t look good, but we’ve been here before and we know that immunotherapy works well for you, so we need to start the treatments up again”.

So, we started again and again, I tried to get out of every treatment. I started on some other natural remedies. At one point I remember getting very angry at God and crying to myself. Asking why? What about my babies? No one will love them like I do! As I think upon those down times where my mind escaped to dark places, I found it hard to escape them. I am grateful that I didn’t dwell in those places and continued to rise above them. It wasn’t a daily battle because most times I kept faithful, joyful and happy but those dark moments came every now and then and when they did, they drained me.

I called the one person I knew that could get me out of that very dangerous place. I sat in the morning sun, called my dad, and told him what the Oncologist said to me. He replied,“God let Lazarus die for three days, before he raised him back to life”. From that point I smiled and remembered that the same God I serve today, hasn’t changed. He has promised to keep me here on earth with my children and my family and especially my husband Bob, He promised we will have a long life and to grow old together.

That was the turning point. I knew that God would keep His promises and that because I was surrounded with family and friends this road will never be lonely. How could I ever say thank you or express my gratitude to all the wonderful people who blessed me and prayed for me. From my husband being the sole carer of myself and my five children he took another six months off work in 2024, exhausted but he kept on providing, protecting and loving me. To my oldest sister who rounded up family and friends to come and do a big spring clean of our home as it was in a neglected state, and my beautiful family and friends that cooked for me,

came to play cards and board games, prayed for me, sat and yarned, laughed and cried with me, cared for my children. To those who prayed for me from across this country, and from New Zealand to South Africa and in between. Your prayers were felt.

One thing I kept saying to Bob during this journey is, “I want to record my songs to leave them with him and my children”. Regardless of if they wanted them or not! But I had no idea how to make it happen, I knew it took a lot of time, money, and commitment and now that I have this opportunity, I can’t miss it. I have never recorded solo before.

I have an opportunity to now record my songs but I need your help to get me to fulfill this dream. I love to write songs, I love to sing, I love my family and most of all I love God.

This GoFund page is because I need to do this with my whole family by my side.

(my older child is finishing her senior year)

So I need funds for:

● Travel – return flights Gold Coast to Melbourne/Naarm

● Transport - Hiring a van

● Accommodation – for family of 6

● Studio hire - $1500.00

Can you please help me?