Christmas appeal to support Lexi's family.

Christmas appeal

A family in crisis and a failure to safeguard them.

Background: We have all known young Lexi since she was 8 years old; she’s now 10.

You, her fantastic supporters, raised over £5000 to turn her garden into a sensory one. Together you helped change the life of young Lexi, providing a safe place for her to go within the home.

Two months ago, I had a phone call from Lisa, Lexi’s heartbroken mother. After being attacked by Lexi in the middle of the night, she reached out to vent her frustration and fear. Little did I know I’d be working for the family full-time along with two other outstanding advocates sourced by our cheerleading team.

As volunteers, we make sure Lexi has her voice heard.

The next day I visited the home to see what was going on and, to my horror, witnessed Lexi in crisis. Desperately her mum and dad tried to calm her, and in the process, mum was head-butted four times, bitten and left in an emotional state whilst still trying her best to restrain Lexi. Dad calmed their second child, who was now in crisis due to the noise of Lexi.

As mum released her grip to re-grasp, Lexi punched herself in the face multiple times and bit through her own skin.

Both mum and dad spent the following 2 hours calming Lexi while balancing the needs of their 5-year-old also autistic daughter. This was 2 hours of exhausting restraint to stop Lexi from hospitalising herself

What could I do??? Nothing. I have spent 20 years working with ASD children and young people and I’m known for my behaviour management skills, de-escalation skills and ability to communicate with ASD children through various methods. In this situation I sat motionless like an idiot watching this family do what they have to do up to 5 times per day, seven days per week.

I had to leave the family still in crisis with Lexi and returned the next day. After speaking with mum and dad I gained insight into their life. The trauma they were going through, the mental health fallout for the parents. Hearing that the only method of behavior management was to drive Lexi around at any hour, day or night, for hours at a time was concerning.

The family was in debt, maxed out on fuel cards, credit cards and overdrafts. On the day I visited, dad returned home with Lexi after his 3rd drive of 1 hour. His first drive was 2am – 3am to settle her down as she appeared anxious and unsettled.

The debt was created due to the fuel needs of Lexi, the heating of their rented home and the constant sensory eating of the two children. They both gave up work a few years ago as it took both of them to care for their 2 Autistic children. At school Lexi is up to 3 to 1 as a ratio.

The following week I agreed with mum I would pull in 2 of my staff and advocate for Lexi and the family to support them. 2 years the family has been in crisis and for over 2 years, they had been desperately begging social services for help.

Depression, Anxiety, physical harm, economic desperation is the result of minimal intervention for the family.

I requested the help of 2 more advocates as the family's situation was so desperate and the response I received from social services was……..limited in the content shall we say.

Over the coming 2 weeks, I watched Lexi in crisis numerous times, mum getting hurt, dad getting hurt, parents arms wrapped in bandages to cover the physical trauma. I watched the parents not eat as they couldn’t afford food and didn’t have the time to cook for themselves anyway. I watched the parents take turns to sleep so one could stay awake and monitor Lexi at night. I watched mum sit in front of the oven for an hour as she cooked for Lexi to protect her and her sibling from touching it.

I watched mum and dad spend an hour discussing whether this week was a safe week to attempt to shower Lexi as she always goes into crisis getting into the shower. The enclosed space makes the situation impossible to protect her or themselves.

These desperate parents are 24-hour carers seven days per week 365 days per year. Social services haven’t offered a single night of rest bite for the family.

I watched the endless 1am, 2am, 3am drives in the dark to settle Lexi.

We emailed and called social services every day, with our answers always minimal in response if we got one.

To be fair, the on-call emergency social workers were so compassionate and empathetic. Still, it’s the social workers and their line managers that we deal with on a day-to-day basis that struggle to show an understanding of the risks to the family and Lexi.

After one huge incident where Lexi and her mum were hurt, we called for section 20. This is where social services have to safeguard the family by placing Lexi in a safe place. This was 3 weeks ago. Nothing good has happened for Lexi. Social services provided waking night staff who were supposed to keep the family safe in their home at night. I met the waking night staff on their second night to be told by them that ethnic minorities abuse the system. By the 3rd night I had a call from Lexi’s dad at 2am to say both staff were asleep downstairs on the sofa and he was awake caring for Lexi so mum can sleep. He was too nervous as a male to go and wake up two sleeping female staff on his sofa so did the waking night himself.

After the racism and sleeping on shift, those staffers were no longer allowed in the family home, and nothing else was put in place by social services. We desperately tried to push social services to help the family. They asked that I personally found an agency to work in the house. Usually, we would say no as it is the job of social services to safeguard the family, but as the parents were in such crisis I did. 2 weeks ago, we found an agency and are still waiting for social services to put them in place or put anything in place that can allow Lexi's parents to take a moment to breathe.

The family is still in crisis every day, and the fantastic school Lexi goes to has announced this past week they can’t meet Lexi’s needs for various reasons. This means they feel she shouldn't be at that school and require her to move to another provision. They agree with mum and dad that Lexi requires a 52-week residential school provision to keep her safe and meet her education and life needs.

Of course, we are now battling with social services to agree this and for GOD SAKE to protect this family from daily trauma.

What I have shared is only 10% of the story, and I’m reaching out today for support. I need your help raising some fuel and winter heating money for this family as we battle to protect them.

This morning, their bank account is £5.67.

They have a car with an empty fuel tank and two autistic daughters to safeguard. They need our help as we try to fight for their voice to be heard.

After sharing a detailed breakdown to social services of their financial position, the response from a social working manager was that perhaps I could find someone to pay off their debts.

I was furious at this. This message was sent to the parents as well, leaving them embarrassed and isolated.

We will help them raise some money for fuel and winter costs this Christmas. We will also support them until they get a provision for their daughter.

We will make sure they end up safe and we will have their story heard.

We will make a robust complaint against Wokingham social services and support other families who feel they have been treated as a burden and not as humans.

We will make sure that social services take responsibility for the crisis this family are in and work with them to provide Lexi with a provision that meets her needs.

I’m normally very calm with social services and empathetic to their lack of staff and the lack of provision out there. My mother was a social worker and often shared the frustration of the job. In this case, I’m horrified by the treatment of the family and the lack of empathy. I have never been so disappointed and disheartened by such an essential service that society relies on.

This fund is about protecting a vulnerable lovely family this winter. With no fuel, they are open to serious injury and are all at huge risk. The car is the only tool they have to regulate Lexi's behavior.

They are at breaking point, and I hope this fundraiser is a wake-up call to those who should be supporting them.