Loss of a Veteran's Loyal Companion, now to train new friend

Please read the whole story. That way you will see what happened to Axle, how much he meant to me and what I am doing to work through his loss.

I have updated yet again on my gofundme for Axle. The cost for Axles treatment before he died, the necropsy and then his cremation have hit me hard and I still am struggling to pay the bills. I also started looking into finding a replacement I can train and if I can raise the funding to have him or her professionally trained it would be even better. It was obvious that Axle had some training as he always seemed able to see when I was having issues and was withdrawing. He knew when to interrupt that from happening and I'm hoping I can get another loving companion trained to do what Axle did. It made a difference in my life and right now it has been awfully hard working through my nightmares and associated issues without Axle. I am amazed at how much he was intertwined in my living.

To get a Labrador Retriever puppy is prohibitively expensive and way beyond my means. With how I much I owe in Vet bills and his post life arrangements, I don't have anything to put toward another dog. I have worked to increase my hours at work and get all I can to help. I have also tightened my belt a uni'm trying to save anything I can so I can make this happen.

I am making a change to my gofundme for AXLE. Axle passed form cancer Monday morning and I asked the Vet to do a necropsy and she found the cancer that had been the problems. I would like to leave my story in place and modify my plea. Would you help me replace Axle? I have tried to find a puppy I can afford so I can have another dog that I can train and help me when I have my problems with isolating myself and all the problems with PTSD that have haunted me for over 29 years. It doesn't go away. Axle was great at sensing when I was withdrawing and isolating myself. He knew to come and push me to focus on him, take him out, give him attention, do something other than hiding. Lab puppies have skyrocketed. I can't afford the $2000 price tag on my own. I still have to pay the vet bills for Axle as well as his cremation and the other charges his end of life triggered. I still cry daily for the missing black lab in my house. There is a great void right now. His spot is empty, I'm not having to step over him, I don't have him watching me eat every bite of my meal, there is so much he contributed to my ability to function, I didn't realize just how much until he was gone.

My name is John Bauer. I’m a retired Air Force veteran and also retired early from the Wyoming Highway Patrol due to PTSD from a traffic stop that ended in a shooting. I am divorced and live in Kerrville, Texas by myself. I don’t have many friends as I have problems with trust and security around people I don’t know. This is primarily a result of the effects of the traffic stop, the assault on myself, and the subsequent loss of life. The man that attacked me said, “Either I’m going to shoot you or you’re going to shoot me, but I prefer you shoot me.” I am haunted to this day with gunfight nightmares and dreams. I never dream about that exact incident, but the effects haunt me and affect the way I conduct myself to this day and will probably do so for the rest of my life. I have always been one to help people and do things for others. I have had a full life and now I spend my time at home taking care of my dogs and working part-time at Home Depot. I have my dogs and a few friends that are inside my circle of safety. I have a 34-year-old daughter that lives in Hauser, Idaho. My father retired from the Air Force too and died from cancer at age 60. My mother passed 9 years later from dementia. I have a great brother living in southern Illinois and a loving sister who lives in Montreal, Canada. I wish we all lived closer so we can be there when one of us needs help like I do now. I have endured a lot of problems as a result of the PTSD. I lost my family and alienated a lot of friends because of the problems. My wife Lynda said I was never the same after the incident. I couldn’t understand why I was acting the way I was and I saw a police psychologist who taught me it was a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. The stress it caused was severe and amplified the feelings I was having. I asked for help to get off Percocet and get my life back in order and I am in recovery after attending Starlite Recovery for addiction to the Percocet after using it to sleep and escape the nightmares. I was prescribed it legally and found when I took it I didn’t have the nightmares when I slept. Of course, it is abuse to use it in methods other than what it was prescribed for. Since Starlite, I have restarted my life in a good way and have been true to my program and not relapsed and I return to Starlite to speak and give hope to others that it can be overcome.

The reason I am asking for help is my dog Axle. He was abused before my coming into his life. I need to clarify, he was not abused by the people I got Axle from. They were like me, wanting to help Axle have a better life. I don’t know where he received the problems he has but the Veterinarian speculated the issues were from something that happened in his past. I am sure the people I got him from have shown as much love for him as I do and only wanted the best for him. I was fortunate to be allowed to take him in. He has an aversion to strangers and does not like anyone putting their hands near his face. He is very defensive and guarded about who he lets get close to him. I believe this is evidence of his abuse. Axle has shown me a strong love and attachment and I think he would give his life to protect me. Axle is spoiled and part of his problems are my fault by spoiling him with treats and parts of what I eat. Now he is overweight and I was trying to exercise him and get him to lose weight. I cut way back on the treats and people food but the weight wasn’t coming off so I started taking him for walks which he seems to enjoy. Last week I took him up and down the street and I think I pushed him too far and may have aggravated arthritis in his hind legs. He started becoming weak in his hind legs and so far he isn’t improving. I took him to the vet and they put him on Rimadyl and gabapentin but he got really sick from the meds and is not improving. I was able to get injectable forms of Rimadyl but it is $144 a pop for Rimadyl and an anti-nausea drug. They are helping in that form but I am out of money to keep helping him and I need help to pay for the vet to check him and see what the underlying problem is. Axle has been healthy other than his weight and is estimated to be about 8 years old. He doesn’t look 8 at all though, he has no gray around his muzzle and very little gray on his body. He is alert and his eyes are clear. He doesn’t show any signs of other problems. Axle likes to sit in the little kiddie pool I keep for him and it seems to make him comfortable while his legs bother him. I would like to have the vet do a full examination which will require hospitalization and probably sedation to work on him. The very minimum will be a muzzle to protect others from his fear of unknown people. Also, he will not take oral medication and has stopped eating. Even I cannot put anything in his mouth. Again, I believe this is a result of the abuse he suffered prior to my coming into his life. The lady I got him from rescued him and found similar problems and he was very protective of her too and would not let other family members near her. Axle shows his love every day. He is never far from my side and it is killing me to not be able to help him. I have exhausted my money on meds and vet visits and cannot get a care credit card yet as it is still too recent since I had to file bankruptcy 3 plus years ago when life brought me to Kerrville, Texas and treatment for the PTSD and the problems I was encountering with it. I need help with the cost of the treatment and over the years I have spent a lot of money on my dogs with their care. One of my Labs, Duke, had a tumor on his spleen and survived the surgery only to die a few hours later from a blood clot. My Lab Tommy died on my bed after a very long life and he had to have knee surgery to repair a damaged joint and that gave him a lot of relief and enabled him to function. I think veterinary care is expensive but worth it to save the lives of pets who love us as much as we do them. I estimate the cost to be around 2500 dollars but I really have no idea of the actual cost yet. If I can’t get him treated I’m afraid his quality of life will degrade and I’ll be forced to do something I really can’t bring myself to do. It is very emotional for me and one of the most difficult things for me to handle. Please help me help Axle. All funds will go to the veterinarian at Town and Country Animal Hospital in Kerrville, Texas. I will donate any leftover funds to them to help others in similar positions. Axle's doctor is Dr. Lyssy. She is very understanding and has been really great to help me any way they can, the only problem is they can’t do it for free. The phone number at Town and Country Animal Hospital is listed if you want to verify Axle is a patient there.

Thank you for your time in reading my file.

An update this evening. Axle had a good day as far as not being sick today and it seems he may be over the illness from the medications but he still is not eating. He welcomed me home excitedly wagging his tail, something he had not done for a number of days and started doing so today. Axle still will not eat and cannot stand on his own. He is force to drag himself around if I am not there to help him. He tries to stay close to me. The veterinarian wants to do a full workupon Axle to make sure there is not a virus in his sinuses which could complicate things. They also want to do a full X-ray series and recommend I continue the injectable medications. It is $144.50 a shot for one Rumadyl and one sofran. I have had to do this a number of times and it is adding up but I have ot do it. I will make and post a record of all expenses and pictures of the receipts when I am able to get enough funds to do thge or needed. I am open to questions and more pictures of Axle and me. His harness will be in Monday now and that should make moving him around much easier and allow him to use the restroom without having to lay on the ground to do so.

Axle loves to spend time in his pool and I think it takes the pressure off of whatever theproblem is with his legs. He like his pool before too. He as been a fish out of water, if there is water to go into, Axle would go. He loves to swim in the Guadeloupe River when we go down there.

Axle know when I am having PTSD problems and knows how to console me. He senses it without my even saying something. He will come and bury his head between my legs and urge me to pet him. It is so sweet to see him do it. I don't know if I would have made such a great recovery if it weren't for Axle by my side.

Axle had a good night and he let me know he wanted other go out just now. I helped him out and he went other bathroom, both 1 and 2. Once he was done I helped him inside. He is a little weak and I think I'm going to have to see if there is some kind of nutrients I can give him in the IV to help keep his strength up. He is trying so much to keep going. Axle is drinking plenty of water but he still is not eating and I need to find out how long I can let that go without further intervention. Axle is alert and his ears are perked up and he watches me move around the room. If I could get some kind of food in him I think it would mean a lot to his recovery. Unfortunately because of his aversion to being in his face or hands in his face I can't put it in his mouth easily. I need help so I can take him tot he veterinarian and they can do their magic. Axle has helped me so much over the years and touched so many that he deserves better than I can provide at this time. All donations are going. straight to his care. If I could get to about 500 to 750 Dollars, it would go a long way toward having the vet do their magic. Please help us!

This afternoon Axle looks very good compared to earlier in the week. I took him out this morning and he was a little bit lethargic. This afternoon he is much more active. He is drinking water and it was suggested to use pedialyte to replace nutrients he lost in the last week. He was wagging his tail when I got home and is watching me all over the room. The harness to help him move around arrives tomorrow. His eyes remain sharp as ever. He Is calling me to help him move two the door so he can look out. Help me help this loving black lab who is loved by his dad just as much.

We got off to a great start and then it stopped. Pleas help me help Axle.

As I stated up a the top, please help me find another Labrador retriever puppy so I can train him or her to provide the care I received form Axle. I also have some folks I met here that worked to help train him for me. I just need to find a puppy. The price has skyrocketed to over $2000. With the Vet bills and the cost to find another, I am way beyond my personal ability to pay all by myself. If I can get one, I will make page dedicated to the upbringing of a puppy should I be able to find one I can afford. Thank you all for your kindness and compassion.