june 26th i was attacked. just a normal day i went down the stairs pretty quickly then i open the gate at the end of the stairs and heard the growl, the growl i knew wasn’t a playful growl, the look in his eyes that i’ve never seen before, as i quickly turned so he wouldn’t get my face or throat, i tried to get back up the stairs before he actually locked onto me but i couldn’t, he got my leg, the dog that’s been in the same house with me for more than a year just hanging off my leg, ripping, tearing parts of my leg that i didn’t even know could hurt, feeling his teeth graze my bone, watching zach sweating and stressing trying to get what we thought to be one of our protectors completely attack me, no one could have predicted this, it was extremely terrifying, so so painful in the moment but it’s still no one’s fault. sitting there on those stairs screaming “i’m fucked” over and over again, thinking in my head there goes my plans of getting my permit on my birthday, as i’m watching my blood cover the floor, walls, and doors, going through towel after towel soaked in my blood, muscle, tendons, etc., all i could think about is how did this just happen? why did this just happen? did i do something wrong? why me? but the other part of me was so thankful it didn’t happen to one of my little brothers. let’s say the ambulance just arrives, i’m still frantic, they’re all trying to calm me down but i can’t calm down i just can’t, they undo the belt zach put on to act as a tourniquet, then they did the actual tourniquet i remember the exact pinch i felt, that was the only feeling i had left at that point my leg was numb, i was in shock, but i felt that little pinch from the tourniquet. they couldn’t fit a stretcher at the place i was in the house, i knew i couldn’t walk my leg had a chunk gone out of it, i was scared so scared, i was scared to go in the transport chair, i was scared to bend my leg, i was scared of it all. finally i’m in the ambulance but wait why haven’t we left to the hospital yet? another 10 minutes and we’re still waiting the blood isn’t even under control, another 20 minutes 2 more ambulances show up i’m thinking what the hell is going on, i need to be seen, i need my leg fixed, why are we still waiting in my driveway? a paramedic comes in the ambulance i was in, still hyperventilating scared didn’t know what was gonna happen or what was going on, the paramedic puts two ivs in my arm, i bleed from one of them, just seeing more of my blood come out even just from a small iv made me want to lose it, i thought come on i’ve already lost enough haven’t i? ivs are done, they hook me up to fluids in one and then they were getting pain medicine ready, two doses of fentanyl they gave me, that made me even more nervous, that’s killed so many people, i looked at zach outside of the ambulance trying to make eye contact enough with him so he could see i was scared to have that medicine, it didn’t do much at all, it didn’t help the pain like they said it would it just made me feel shitty, so they gave me morphine next via iv that barely touched the pain, at this point we’re almost to glens falls hospital, i was scared to go there i didn’t think they’d be able to work on it, so we get to glens falls hospital, i get in a room, does vitals and everything, then comes in the doctor with a few nurses. when i tell you he picked up one piece of gauze didn’t even see the entire wound he set that piece of gauze down so quick and stepped back, looked at me and said you’re gonna have to go to albany, my heart dropped even though i was already expecting it, i didn’t really wanna hear it, i knew i was gonna need immediate surgery, i was so so scared, i had never had surgery, never put under or nothing, i was terrified, so the ambulance shows up to bring me to albany, that was just a shitty ride i was still in pain, nauseous, it felt like that driver just hit every pot hole they saw, definitely didn’t make the journey any better, finally at albany, i don’t remember much from the beginning honestly at albany, but i remember right before going into surgery, i was terrified, i had zach take my piercings out because i had to, i was so scared to not be with my mom and zach they had been by my side the entire time, all my piercings were out, i start to break down because it was getting closer and closer to go into surgery, they finally wheel me away from mamma, i was so scared the only thing i remember is being wheeled into the operating room then i just felt the tears getting heavier, i have no memory of anything after that, hours later i wake up all curled up in a ball with a blanket in a dark room by myself instant tears again, i didn’t know what was going on, i knew but i didn’t, i didn’t know where everyone was, i felt alone for the first time through this entire thing. to me what felt like a hour was probably only like 15 minutes i finally get wheeled out on the stretcher to see everyone, i was so scared and happy and just so full of all emotions, i was so happy to see everyone, my mamma my zachypoo, my sissy and, sethypoo were all waiting for me, all i cared about was how surgery went, within those hours after surgery i had talked to so many different doctors, groups of surgeons, and nurses i couldn’t tell any of them apart. after stuff finally calmed down i was attached to a stupid tube wound vac, in a room with my mamma, zach, sierra, and seth and everything just hits, my brain is going crazy thinking how did this happen, thinking how are we gonna afford all of this, psh the ambulance bill alone is over 2 thousand, what about the multiple surgeries i have to go through, not even that what about gas money for my mom and zach to get back and forth to see my brothers, how’s zach gonna get back and forth to work? but i can’t let them know i’m worrying about that stuff. time goes on the nights almost over everything’s becoming more and more real, the feeling in my stomach won’t go away, i can’t get the thought of it all out of my head. why me i keep wondering, how did this happen? it was like i didn’t know it was happening but at the same time it was all so real.
❌❌WARNING graphic pictures❌❌