Mariah's Transition Journey and Survival Fund

PLEASE READ:

Hey everyone.

I would like to preface this by stating that I'm not expecting anyone's pity, just empathy. I've never been one to ask for money, even when I'm in need, and it's taken me a lot of courage to even decide to do this. I'm simply looking to achieve a lifelong dream of mine for lack of better words, so please be kind or ignore this. 

The "short" version of my story dates back to when I was a child. Being born in the body of a boy, I would often pray at night that I could wake up and be a girl because that's always how I felt. There would be times in elementary school when we'd be separated by gender, and in my head I'd make up excuses for why I just wasn't grouped with the girls that day. I'd always feel happiest dressed in girls clothing or playing games where I could be one. Then when I learned what being gay was, I labelled myself as such but never felt comfortable with it. All this to say that for as long as I can remember --- before I even understood what being transgender meant or was --- I just knew that who I saw in the mirror wasn't me. Through a lifetime of trials and trauma with a pretty rough, turbulent upbringing, I wasn't able to really sit down and specifically unpack my gender identity/gender dysphoria, but I was always plagued with an overwhelming sadness, making me anti-social and s*icidal on several occasions. It took me 25+ years of living (and online communities with people I had a lot in common with) to be able to sit with myself and realize who I really was. And now, with so many obstacles still in my way from the pandemic, global economic crisis, job market crisis to just living life as a trans woman in a tough neighborhood of Toronto, Canada, I've found myself being blocked from my ultimate goals, with what I feel is limited time to achieve them. The main goal is being able to have what I feel in my heart finally reflect back toward me, when I look in the mirror. I wanna see Mariah.

I will be transparent in the fact that I don't feel to be in any immediate danger right now and I'm not in as urgent of a need to escape the life I'm living as several of my trans sisters and brothers are. But I think anyone who knows me really well could testify that I'm FAR from privileged and I do not much family support. And as a black trans woman, I am FAAAAAR from safe and secure; I've been homeless before and in the blink of an eye, things can get really dark and I don't want to wait until it's too late for me. My life matters. My existence matters. My identity matters. In order to ever complete my journey and get to where I want to be in those three areas and beyond, simply living as though things are normal and working a regular job isn't nearly enough. I really need help.

I'm asking any of you who I may know, who I may have touched, or any strangers to donate so I can begin the physical transformation I need in order to finally come into my own and fly to the heights I know I'm capable of reaching. The goal above is an estimate and will go toward gender-affirming top surgery (breast augmentation), basic survival needs/living expenses and the expenses that go along with gender affirming treatments, from accommodations to flights, etc. etc. It will also go toward helping me be able to continue supporting hormone replacement therapy.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank anyone who is kind enough to donate or even share this. Any contribution is appreciated deeply. I love you all, and hope somehow, someway I'll be able to pay it forward.