Joe & Gia's Adoption Fund

Our Story  by Joe and Gia Mallet While our journey to parenthood is not uncommon (1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage; 1 in 4 couples deal with infertility), it is one that we never could have prepared for, and it is OURS. We’ve held it close to the vest for a number of reasons, only to land here- totally exposed and asking our village to come together to help us achieve parenthood. To be this public with our struggle is incredibly hard. What makes us special among all the other couples who struggle?! We continue to struggle with this question as we start to share our story more and more and ask for the help of others. On March 1, 2016, Gia and our dog Lily shared a secret celebration in nervous excitement over our first positive pregnancy test. Six more tests & almost a full day later, they felt confident enough in the tests to tell Joe! We frequently (and emotionally) look back on that day and long for the blissful ignorance and innocence we had- celebrating our secret, reading all the books, making baby name lists, and buying onesies. We had no idea how much we were about to learn about biology, medicine, and most of all, grief, in the weeks (turned into years) that followed. When one of our earlier ultrasounds resulted in devastating news - “I’m so sorry… I don’t see a heartbeat,” we left that office as new/changed people. This brought us into our second pregnancy with more “cautious optimism” (a staple phrase they must teach in OB-GYN school) than the first, but we still felt hopeful. After a scare with our second pregnancy, a nervous ultrasound tech revealed that this baby did have a heartbeat. It flickered on the screen, and the tears of joy and relief flowed. However, the next ultrasound a few weeks later showed that the heartbeat had stopped.  D&C number two was scheduled for the day after Thanksgiving, and we now unpleasantly relive that memory every year as we gather on a day that we are supposed to celebrate and be thankful. After continued difficulty with natural conception, we decided to pursue more invasive procedures like IUI & eventually IVF. We could’ve never prepared for all the loss, surgeries, medications, & early morning doctor visits that these treatments entailed. There were heartbeats & hopes that came and went. Days spent waiting on disappointing results turned into weeks of self-administered (& husband-administered and friend-administered) injections. Those weeks turned into months that ended with nothing but disappointment and prompt arrival back at square one. Where we sought answers, we just found more questions. Through the physical discomfort and loss that came with those experiences, we did find some moments of excitement - a positive pregnancy test after an IUI, a successful egg retrieval later on, and creating one perfect quality (grade 1AA) embryo boy. We had a literal front row seat to the magic and the science of that perfect bundle of cells going from a petri dish into my body.  Ultimately, none of these procedures brought us an extended pregnancy or live birth. Each procedure brought more questions rather than answers, and where we made one step forward, two steps back immediately followed. Celebrating good news was always only temporary. After exhausting what we feel are all the reproductive science options that our bodies and our marriage can endure, we decided that this is not the path we are meant to take.  We want to see one another become parents. THAT is what we are sure about, and that has never been in question, even at our lowest, most discouraging points. We know what we can offer a child, and we know that every single struggle has solidified our marriage in ways only something like this could. We are now very excited to turn the corner into the new year and new decade with a plan for adoption. Thinking back to the earlier question - what makes us special? - the answer really is that it may not be about US at all. It is the support network that we have had throughout this entire journey. Family and friends have carried us to this point, and they have ensured us that they will continue to walk with us on this next leg of the trip. They make us special, giving us the confidence to be brave and ask our village to help us prepare to welcome a child into our home. While we may have often been skeptical of our bodies, our luck, and especially reproductive science, we have never once questioned the loyalty of our immediate circle. If love and support and words of encouragement could be quantified in a dollar amount, we would be the Gates family of the parenting world.  The adoption process presents some major financial obstacles up front and we are looking to our friends and family to help us on our journey towards becoming a family and developing the special relationship with our baby to be. Funds will go towards our upcoming adoption fees. Domestic newborn adoption costs between $30,000 to $40,000 on average. Our goal is to avoid going into major debt from adoption so that we can move forward with the amazing baby we will bring home. After we complete our home study (approximately Spring 2020), we will await the news that we have been seeking for 4 years. Upon placement of the baby, the majority of the funds are due.  We could wait anywhere from a few months to a few years. We will keep everyone posted with updates as they occur. If you or anyone you know is considering placing their unborn baby for adoption, please contact us directly. Thank you, Joe and Gia