GOAL HAS BEEN REACHED

MY GOAL HAS BEEN REACHED! Any more money given to this gofundme will be used towards paying for gas, food, and other things like toiletries.

Before this gofundme was to help me potentially move out of my abusive home. I didn't reach my goal, and the plans my friends and I had for moving had been abandoned because of unfortunate problems, so the money that was given to me was used to pay bills and rent. I have only .40 in my bank account right now, with 9 dollars currently heading into it after using some money to buy food after not eating for two days.

Things have gotten so badly that now I'm now on the throes of being homeless. I have no where to go, none of my close friends can house me and even then I don't want to burden them. My depression has hit me like a freight train ( sometimes making want to go out and actually get hit by one ), and as such I've taken many things my mother has said about me to heart, like how I'm a lazy bitch and a crybaby. My friends have to reassure me that I am ill, and I'm at a point where I've been so fucked up it's hard to believe anything but the fact that I am indeed, a lazy bitch. I am not able to get the help I need for my depression, which has left me to suffer for months and months. My mom is not understanding at all, and when I was feeling suicidal, my friends had done a wellness check for me. The police came, and instead of taking this as a sign that maybe I'm not okay, she used it as an opportunity to tell everyone how fucking lazy I was, that I'm a bitch and a liar and if anything SHE is the one that wants to kill herself. It's left me afraid of ever trying to tell her that I am suffering from severe depression, because she would just chalk it up to me lying and being lazy.

My situation has been on thin ice for months, that's no surprise given how old this gofundme is, and I have had many people help me. The $380 dollars I had received just on here is enough to show that people are kind hearted, and I'm beyond grateful that these people care so much. I even had a massive donation given to me when my old computer gave out to help me afford a new one. My old tablet had broken too so all the money I had saved had gone to paying for new things to keep me afloat. 

This isn't so much about moving now. This is to keep me from going to a homeless shelter at night, and to keep me off the streets. My mom has a Honda Civic that she lets me use to pay bills and go to errands for her. She was going to give it to me for free at one point, but she told me that "kids these days demand everything handed to them" so she decided that I'm going to have to buy it from her instead. I don't know if she'd still sell it to me after the blow out we both had, but I wouldn't expect her to deny money.

This car right now is my ticket to safety. I can sleep in it, I can store my computer and my blankets and other belongings in it. If I need to, I could probably travel across the country with it. It is in good condition, very reliable and I am extremely comfortable with using it.

I asked my mom when she wanted me out, and she told me whenever I wanted. While that sounds nice, it just makes things more anxious for me and makes it more precarious. I don't know whether she'll kick me out tomorrow or in a month. I don't know. She won't give me an answer. But she did make it a point to tell me she was looking into getting me evicted so this is pretty much the end of my rope.

The price she wants for the car is $1,200. As such I've updated the price of this gofundme to 1,680. The extra $100 would go to either gas ( it has half a tank at the moment ), or to get some snacks to eat since I have nothing at the moment.

I'm sorry for asking for help again. It's taken a lot of convincing myself to do this because I can't stand asking people for help, if only because I feel horrible about it and think people shouldn't waste their money on me. 

But this is... This is serious. I'm desperate. I've got no where to go. This car could be my temporary home. I could sleep it in safely. I could travel. 

Any little bit helps me. I'll be trying to do emergency commissions ( even though I have a few I need to finish as it is ), but my spoons are all used up. I'm tired. I'm just so tired and I want to give up but this car could keep me going for a little bit at least.

Thank you so much for reading all the way through. 

-Iliana ( Jashin )
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Organizer

Iliana Paredez 
Organizer
Upland, CA
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