In yoga today I heard this passage that truly spoke to me and was the final tipping point in my decision to do what I didn’t intend to do…reach out for help. It went like this “Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows.” Pope Paul VI
Ever since we got Bills latest results just about everyone I have confided in has reached out and said “how do we get Bill to Italy?”
Most of you know, my step father Bill is the kindest, most thoughtful person I have ever met. Just before his birthday 8/4/2020 Bill went in for an appointment to see what was causing a lump in his leg. We thought that journey had come to a close in November when they seemingly “got the entire tumor”. Unfortunately fast forward to his six month scans, which completely stopped me in my tracks. Here is an update from my moms Facebook summarizing the results of his PETSCAN:
“His doctors gave us results of PETSCAN yesterday. The cancer has metastasized. He starts chemotherapy next week. Sarcoma cancer doesn’t respond to chemotherapy we were told in the beginning. We asked what changed and why would they were using it now.
That was a question when answered, changed everything forever. The chemotherapy isn’t to cure the cancer or make it go away, it’s to give Bill more time. Time. That word. Bill continued asking questions and I felt like I was gutted. It was only after I interrupted everyone and said, “What do you mean we are giving him more time?” and withthat Bill and the doctors stopped talking about side effects of the chemotherapy and we started talking about time.
His first treatment is Thursday. The first chemo drug will be one treatment a week for four weeks. Minimal side effects. He apologized to me when I said listening to side effects brought me back to when mom was going through chemo. He said he feels bad to put me through that again. I wish he would stop worrying about me.
We are both optimistic. We are both in shock. I am angry, so fucking angry. We are going to take this day by day. Please, if you see us out and about, don’t feel awkward or sad, just be normal. We need normal. Bill doesn’t want people feeling bad for him. Please be aware that a hug might shatter me at the moment. I am trying so hard to hold it together.
I am sharing this because I’ve shared our journey all along and it didn’t seem fair to leave everyone hanging. Bill is still working and I am still looking for a job. Funny, looking for a job, might actually turn into starting my own business. Good news is, Bill was nervous about going in for surgery, because he was scared that JC wouldn’t be able to get her fluids, a.k.a. Jen wouldn’t be able to do it, especially the way JC acted when we tried to show Rachel how to insert needle.
We are ok. We don’t need anything right now, just continue with prayers and love. We love all of you so very much. OK, I’m ending this now before I start to cry again.
Every little thing gonna be alright“
If you feel inclined drop Bill a donation to see his dream become reality or simply know his story so you can keep him in your prayers. Thank you all so much. Also pray for me giving JC her IV treatments if and when Bill is no longer able to do so, because that’s the kind of person Bill is. More worried about his cats treatment than his own.