My Dying Wish
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My name is Wes Gates, I am fifty-eight years old, born in Olean New York and raised in Scio, the second eldest of nine children—and this is my story about cheating death, family, and fishing.
On memorial day 2005 my late wife Laurie was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was something I couldn’t fix, that I couldn’t make better, that I couldn’t protect her from. I did what I could, I prayed and I loved her more than I had known any man could love. We endured hospital visits and painful waking nights together. Our only solace was God, our love, and our family. God was good and the doctors removed Laurie’s tumor but she had lost her sense of smell, taste, and partial vision. She had cheated death. We felt relief in its purest most humbling form. We finally felt as though we weren’t living on borrowed time, that there was a promise of a better tomorrow.
When Laurie was sick all I wanted was for her to be better. When Laurie was better all I wanted was for her to stay better. I did not think that I would get sick. In 2007 I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and Lupus. Laurie was inconsolable. All I wanted was to be her comfort, and now I was the cause of more hospital visits and painful waking nights. My doctors placed a pacemaker in my chest and prescribed medication for my Lupus. The same day my pacemaker was put in I attended my mother’s funeral. I know for certain that a broken heart can still feel pain.
Our family had endured it all and I hoped that it was finally time for the storm to break. But life is not always kind. In early 2007 they found another tumor in Laurie’s brain. It was all the bad that I had tried to ward off with prayer, love, and sheer will. The next months were a despairing replay of our worst memories, memories we had hoped we’d never have to revisit. But this time we were not blessed with relief or hope. When the doctors attempted to remove the tumor Laurie slipped into a coma. Laurie died on august 19 2007. I felt the light of my life extinguish.
I wanted everything to stop. I wanted to hide away with my grief and to hold onto it as a way of holding onto her. But I couldn’t. I still had three teenage stepchildren in high-school and two toddlers preparing for kindergarten. I would not fail Laurie as a father to our children. I would continue to endure. I endured my diagnosis of Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma in 2014 and my chemotherapy and radiation treatments. I endured painful nights that I thought were my last in a bed absent of Laurie. I even endured catastrophic heart failure in 2015.
My doctors told me that I had cheated death again, although I was not eligible for a heart transplant due to my Lupus, I was eligible for an LDAT which caused major life changes. I would no longer be able to be in water which meant no bathing, swimming, and worse yet fishing. I’d think most men from Western New York could guess how I felt about that. Instead of the LDAT, I changed my lifestyle. I finally learned that I had to take care of myself too. To everyone’s surprise my heart gained 40 percent of its function back. I had cheated death again. I don’t want to count on having to do it again. I don’t know how much time I have left but my track record isn’t promising. I want my youngest kids to have memories of me they can hold on to when there isn’t anything else. My dying wish is to take them to Alaska on a fishing trip. I’d be humbled and grateful if anyone could help—and I promise, that when I do see the big man upstairs I’ll put in a kind word for you.
On memorial day 2005 my late wife Laurie was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was something I couldn’t fix, that I couldn’t make better, that I couldn’t protect her from. I did what I could, I prayed and I loved her more than I had known any man could love. We endured hospital visits and painful waking nights together. Our only solace was God, our love, and our family. God was good and the doctors removed Laurie’s tumor but she had lost her sense of smell, taste, and partial vision. She had cheated death. We felt relief in its purest most humbling form. We finally felt as though we weren’t living on borrowed time, that there was a promise of a better tomorrow.
When Laurie was sick all I wanted was for her to be better. When Laurie was better all I wanted was for her to stay better. I did not think that I would get sick. In 2007 I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and Lupus. Laurie was inconsolable. All I wanted was to be her comfort, and now I was the cause of more hospital visits and painful waking nights. My doctors placed a pacemaker in my chest and prescribed medication for my Lupus. The same day my pacemaker was put in I attended my mother’s funeral. I know for certain that a broken heart can still feel pain.
Our family had endured it all and I hoped that it was finally time for the storm to break. But life is not always kind. In early 2007 they found another tumor in Laurie’s brain. It was all the bad that I had tried to ward off with prayer, love, and sheer will. The next months were a despairing replay of our worst memories, memories we had hoped we’d never have to revisit. But this time we were not blessed with relief or hope. When the doctors attempted to remove the tumor Laurie slipped into a coma. Laurie died on august 19 2007. I felt the light of my life extinguish.
I wanted everything to stop. I wanted to hide away with my grief and to hold onto it as a way of holding onto her. But I couldn’t. I still had three teenage stepchildren in high-school and two toddlers preparing for kindergarten. I would not fail Laurie as a father to our children. I would continue to endure. I endured my diagnosis of Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma in 2014 and my chemotherapy and radiation treatments. I endured painful nights that I thought were my last in a bed absent of Laurie. I even endured catastrophic heart failure in 2015.
My doctors told me that I had cheated death again, although I was not eligible for a heart transplant due to my Lupus, I was eligible for an LDAT which caused major life changes. I would no longer be able to be in water which meant no bathing, swimming, and worse yet fishing. I’d think most men from Western New York could guess how I felt about that. Instead of the LDAT, I changed my lifestyle. I finally learned that I had to take care of myself too. To everyone’s surprise my heart gained 40 percent of its function back. I had cheated death again. I don’t want to count on having to do it again. I don’t know how much time I have left but my track record isn’t promising. I want my youngest kids to have memories of me they can hold on to when there isn’t anything else. My dying wish is to take them to Alaska on a fishing trip. I’d be humbled and grateful if anyone could help—and I promise, that when I do see the big man upstairs I’ll put in a kind word for you.
Organisator
Wes Gates
Organisator
Scio, NY