Zoey’s Surgery

Currently in the UK the access to medical treatment for people with gender dysphoria is almost inaccessible. 

The waiting list for hormone treatment is approximately 5 years. Patients then have to take hormones through the NHS for 2 years before they can be considered for surgery. 

It’s just not good enough and these failings mean that people are waiting longer for the treatment they urgently need. The consequence of this is that many transgender people are forced to resort to purchasing hormone treatments online, which might not be safe and could pose a risk to both their physical and mental health. 

My daughter Zoey has gender dysphoria. Growing up I had no idea how she was feeling. At 14 years old she started self harming and we never really got to the bottom of her reasons. Well not at the time! She had counselling, but never really spoke to me. Because she daren’t. Because she was scared I wouldn’t accept her. At 16 Zoey was brave enough to speak to someone at college and tell them about her gender dysphoria. They arranged for counselling for her, allowed her to identify as Zoey at college and supported her so well. So for a full year my “son” would walk out of the door for college and then get changed at college and be herself, but then she would change back into boy clothes before coming home. She hid it so well. I had absolutely no idea she was doing this! Can you imagine not know your child feels the need to hide something so big from you?! 

In July 2020 I received a text message on my phone about a doctors appointment for Zoey following her Gender GP referral. I screenshot this and sent it to her saying “what’s this?” And this is how I found out my daughter had gender dysphoria and was struggling everyday! We sat down and had a chat. At first I wouldn’t accept it “he” was my “son. My first born boy” and she sat there and said if I can’t be me then I don’t want to be anyone. That was the wake up call for me. I took a step back and worked on seeing things from her point of view. I had no experience of anyone with gender dysphoria. I had so many questions. But I made the decision I would support her every step of the way. 

The first step was telling family and friends. Zoey asked me to do this for her. Worried she was going to lose people out of her life. But everyone was amazing and supportive. Then on her 18th birthday we decided that was when she would make the full transition to Zoey. She started living as Zoey everyday. I had a daughter I thought I’d never have. I got to buy her makeup and clothes for Christmas. It went from being scary to exciting! We changed her name by deed poll and got a new passport in her real name! But then everything changed. 

Zoey went on the waiting for hormone treatment list in July 2020. She was told it was a two year waiting list. They are currently dealing with people who were referred in July 2018. That means Zoey’s referral won’t be picked up for at least another 3 years. So that two year waiting list is actually 5 years! She will then have to be on prescribed hormones for 2 years before they will consider her surgery.

The affect this is having on her mental health is horrendous. She struggles to shower because she doesn’t like seeing her body. She self harms and regularly has suicidal thoughts because being stuck in the wrong body is too much for her to handle. She is on antidepressants at 19 years old! 

So I know there will be people who just don’t get it. I’ll admit it. I didn’t at first. So I’ll try explain it in a way that helps me to understand. Imagine waking up everyday and having to wear a dress or an outfit that makes you look absolutely ridiculous. That makes you feel self conscious because it isn’t something you would ever choose to wear. That’s how people with gender dysphoria feel. They have to live everyday feeling uncomfortable and not in the body they were meant to be in!

Due to this unacceptable wait for hormone treatment she has turned to buying them online herself which she knows isn’t safe, but has at least given her something to help with her mental health. She is currently at university and having to work to fund this. 

In regards to surgery. It is approximately £18,000 to pay for it privately. I am a single mum. I have have another child who is 11 years old. I work full time, but due to the cost of living I am currently struggling financially to support all 3 of us. I don’t have the funds to pay for her surgery. It would take me years to save this kind of money. I will lose my daughter before I can pay for the surgery

Zoey is working as many hours as she can whilst at University getting her degree. And you may think why doesn’t she get a job then she can pay for her surgery. Being trans has taken so much away from her. Why should it take her education as well?

How would you feel knowing you could lose your child because the NHS have made it so difficult to get the treatment they need? I live this life everyday worrying about her.

Zoey has saved £4,000 herself which is amazing, but we still have a long way to go. We’re aiming for her to have the surgery when she finishes this year at university so in May 2024. 

So I am asking for your help. Anything you can donate will go towards her surgery. Not only that. I hope that this will also raise awareness for the many people struggling with the same issues.