2nd ROUND IVF SUPPORT AFTER TRAUMATIC MISCARRIAGE

Hello and thank you for taking the time to look at our page!

Kerry and I have been longing for children for years and, after years of trying naturally, we realised that something wasn't working for us. We began investigations in May 2023 with an IVF clinic local to us in Oxfordshire which took several weeks to complete. The results eventually showed a sperm morphology issue on my side which, combined with both the psychological effects of childhood abuse, plus radiotherapy undergone as a result of other medical issues, was the most probable reason for us being unable to conceive. All of Kerry's own assessments returned great results which gave us some hope that ICSI, a IVF variation targeted at those with male fertility issues, could help us achieve our dream of having children.

After due consideration, we decided to undertake treatment at a different clinic, near to my former (and much-loved) foster family in Nottinghamshire. We felt that being near them and their clinical experience would provide a good support network whilst away, meanwhile Kerry's loving family could be on hand when we returned home. We eventually agreed on a treatment package that involved specialist embryo tracking, preimplantation testing and other sequencing which came with a bill of over £13,000, including medication expenses.

Treatment began with a series of highly unpleasant injections for Kerry up to three times a day for a month. These state-of-the-art drugs were designed to boost the body's naturally occurring processes to ensure a suitable amount of quality eggs could be harvested in the operating theatre, ready for fertilisation. Following this process, many additional blood tests and invasive ultrasounds were conducted, ready to attempt implantation of the embryo on 13th December, coincidentally my birthday.

The day of implantation came, several days after a highly painful egg-extraction procedure for Kerry. However, an ultrasound scan taken at the moment of implant showed that Kerry had succumbed to a severe condition known as Ovarian Hyper-Stimulation Syndrome (OHSS) as a result of the injections she had undergone previously. This involved large amounts of free fluid forming in Kerry's abdominal space and caused extreme ongoing pain for 2 weeks following the diagnosis. The implant was cancelled, leaving us both devastated and waiting once again, unaware of the pain Kerry would endure in the couple of weeks that followed.

Fast forward to the 7th of February and implantation was finally completed without any additional incident. We were advised to wait an agonising 13 days before taking a pregnancy test on the 20th February. The day came against all odds, showed a positive result. The tears and hugs that followed will be something we will always remember as a torturous moment of false hope. The next month was filled with hope, joy beyond anything we'd known and an apprehension to see our baby's new heartbeat on an ultrasound scan.

However, Kerry experienced a sudden and unexpected bleed at work one day and we rushed to the hospital. As the bleeding increased, we consigned ourselves to the worst and, after several hours and a review, were sent away to be scanned by a specialist the next day. the 12 hours between A & E discharge and that scan were what I thought would be the worst experience possible. Neither of us slept and simply tried to control our emotions for the sake of the other. The scan came and, against all odds, the heartbeat was still there and we still had a chance at success. A small haematoma (pocket of blood) was found to be the source of the bleeding and something that is fairly common in women undergoing IVF related treatments. Nevertheless, a follow up scan was arranged for 9 days time at the local community unit to ensure everything was progressing nicely. The follow up scan, once again, showed typically development and little change in the haematoma, finally giving us a chance to start relaxing and giving in to baby shopping and endless blissful planning.

As these investigations were conducted through the NHS, we were still awaiting our discharge scan with our IVF Fertility Clinic near Nottingham. We headed up to Nottingham on Friday feeling safe and confident, giving the glowing scan experienced just days before. After a 30 minute wait, the scan was conducted and, from the haze of memory, it was less than two minutes later we had confirmation that the heartbeat was no more and we'd lost our chance. There was no bleeding and no unusual pain. There was no warning. The last 48 hours have been filled more despair than I have ever known. Both Kerry and myself feel that the entire future has been torn away from us and there is nothing that will take away from that. We find ourselves looking for a cause and for answers that will we likely never get, combined with the haunting reality of seeing a billion moments of a life that will never be. There are so many plans for a future that now won't happen and it is still tearing us apart.

For myself, growing up in care and never knowing my family, has resulted in a desperate need for a family of my own, a person who is part of me who I can love and guide through the world. Kerry is exactly the same and has longed desperately for a baby since we first met. Logistically, we injected a vast majority of our savings into our course of treatment and now know the glimmer of hope has faded for now. We hope, as we begin to heal, we can continue the journey and attempt another course of IVF. It is still the one thing we have dreamed of together since we met and the idea of losing that change forever is more than we can comprehend.

We have considered other approaches such as adoption or foster care and, although amazing, they wouldn't work for us. With my background and the lack of ever knowing any kind of biological family, this is the only way for me and Kerry has been exceptional in understanding that.

At this stage, we are both beyond broken and spent the last couple of days largely in darkness and in dreadful apprehension of what is to come. In every corner of day to day life, we see reminders in children and families of what we have just lost, whether walking down the street, online or simply on TV.

We are very much aware that we now will not have the funds to complete another round without support and so, with so much regret and pain, we have decided to turn towards friends, family and perfect strangers in the hope that they may be able to offer support in helping us consider completing another implantation with an embryo that remained from the first treatment cycle. Any funds that are kindly donated will be held securely until the moment we are ready and we will share frequent updates here as to how we progress. We have considered utilising the NHS for our treatment but wait lists in our area, combined with Kerry's age of 33, has resulted in us being advised against waiting due to a very high likelihood that we will be rejected. As I'm sure you can imagine, there is a lot of healing to take place now, both physically and emotionally, but we estimate that a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) alone will cost between £2,000 and £3,500 to complete, hence our target point. Any funds that we do receive and don't require, will be sent onwards to The Miscarriage Association to help and support other women and their partners who find themselves in the horrific and traumatic situation we are currently in.

We are both extremely grateful for all the support shown to us by family and friends who have shared in the joys and heartbreaks up to this point. J & A, K & K, D & S, B & S, A & N, NB, HA, HM, LS, BB and everyone who has ever supported us in this, thank you.

With All Our Love,

Jasper & Kerry Dean