Keep "Sam" With His Mommy

6 years ago, even though we were not married, when I made the conscious decision to try to have a baby with the man whom I thought I was going to raise a child and grow old with, I never thought in a million years, I would be sitting here, desperately asking anyone reading this for help in protecting myself from him, and his never-ending vendetta against me, but here I am, doing just that. Though this person has never physically struck me, he has exposed me to relentless emotional and psychological abuse from which I doubt I will ever fully recover. This chronic abuse has evolved from simply affecting my physical and emotional well-being, to practically infecting every aspect of my financial stability and every day existence. The "excuse" for all of this unabating harassment: our beautiful 5 yr old son, "Sam."

"Sam" is a sweet, compassionate, bright, curious little boy who loves Star Wars, trains, art, LEGOs, '80s alternative music, and dinosaurs. He currently splits his time equally between 2 households in 2 neighboring cities. Though it is not an "ideal" situation for him, he is loved and cared for by both of his parents. He does live under a more structured and affluent environment with his Dad, but part of that is due to the fact that his father has the blessing of many family members to help him out in the daily care of our son, and because I do not have any nearby family/additional members in my household, it is just me. Our daily routine is a bit more chaotic, but he still receives the care that he needs and all of the love my heart can give him. What we do not have in material wealth, we more than make up for in the bond and love shared between us. 

From the day he was born until I was almost forcibly evicted from his father's home, I was my child's primary caregiver. Prior to his birth, and against my better judgment, I agreed to quit my stable, well-paying job in order to stay home and raise my son for the first 3-5 years of his life. In doing so, I basically surrendered all of my income, as well as what little savings I actually had left. So a year and a half later, when the relationship with"Sam's" father became untenable , and I was desperately searching for both a job and a place to live, I did not have a penny to my name. I was actually calling homeless shelters to try to find a place to stay about a week before Thanksgiving, 2015, and 24-48 hrs later, a beautiful soul who had seen my ad on craigslist, took me in for about 2 months, even though at the time, I still didn't have a job or any promise of income to repay her for her kindness and generosity. By some sort of miracle and about 50 job application/resume submissions later, I was hired as a temp for the same university where I had previously been employed prior to the birth of my child. In September 2016, I was hired full-time by another university health system, where I continue to work today. About 6 months later after growing exhausted from the 90 minutes commute twice a day, 5 days per week, I made the decision to move closer to my job, about 30 minutes away from"Sam's" father , who has never forgiven me for this "inconvenience," and has done everything he possibly can to make it impossible for me to move forward and find peace there. This never-ending harassment and attempt to control my life did not begin at that point; it officially began a lot earlier. 

Since the night he first announced to me back in Oct 2015 that he had hired an attorney and was seeking custody of our son “until I got myself together,” he has repeatedly dragged me through the court system, all the while pushing me further and further into debt. In that time the extensive list of things I have been taken to court over, or had to have an attorney prevent me from being taken to court for include everything from Summary Ejectment (eviction from his home,) Temporary Restraining Orders to keep my son from being with me, where he goes to daycare, how I am allowed to spell his name, Contempt of Court for Tardiness and not reimbursing him for therapy bills promptly enough (thankfully, I was granted a court-appointed attorney for those charges because of the possibility of "potential jail time.") 

Now, with not even two weeks’ notice, I have been informed that our Parenting Coordinator is filing a report and asking the Judge to give my child’s father Primary Legal and Physical Custody of my own son, trying to grant me only “reasonable visitation privileges.” In conjunction with this report, my son’s father is now asking for Primary Physical Custody and Sole Legal Custody of my son. I believe he has barraged my child with questions and taken numerous private conversations we have had, and twisted them around to make them into whatever he needs them to be in order to heavily influence both my child’s therapist, and now, the Parenting Coordinator. He has taken innocent statements from a confused 5 year old child, and turned them into a series of fabricated scenarios and false statements to use against me in any way that he can in order to gain full custody of my son. He has money, and all of the power and influence that comes with that. This also allows him the resources to make it seem like he is doing so much more for our son than I am, in providing him extra therapy sessions, signing him up for extracurricular activities, and anything else that I am not able to do because of my current financial situation. 

This person makes well over 3 times as much money as I do, and I currently have one full-time job, as well as 2 part-time ones. With the exception of his family and friends, and the people he is paying to help him in his quest, it is crystal clear to just about everyone else that my son’s father’s main objective is not in “wanting and doing what’s best for our son,” but rather in bankrupting me as much as possible to ultimately force me to lose custody of my son because I cannot afford legal representation, or even advice to fight him on my own. I will be the first person to admit that I have not always made the best decisions in my adult life. I have a bankruptcy on my record from 2013, and my financial history is definitely far from exemplary. Following declaring bankruptcy, I was on my way back to financial health. My credit was returning, and was almost into the “good” credit range when my son’s father began his relentless legal pursuit of me. Since 2015, he has essentially taken my “renewed” credit rating and destroyed it and any chance I probably ever had of ever getting out of debt, by pushing me over $30,000 in debt in attorney’s fees owed to my former attorney, who withdrew from my case partially due to non-payment last spring. In addition, I am also currently up to my neck in credit card debt from having to use them to pay my bills in order to be able to pay for all of the required co-parenting therapy, parenting coordinator fees, medical reimbursement fees, child therapy sessions, and everything else ordered by the Judge brought about from all of these lawsuits, on top of my regular monthly expenses. I am also only allowed to claim my only child on my taxes every other year. 

I am currently several months behind in my rent, have cut just about everything I can from my monthly budget, and am working almost every spare moment I have during the weekends when my son is not with me, and even parts of some of the ones when he is, but am still drowning in bills. I am financially hemorrhaging, and do not know how I will even be able to afford a consultation with an attorney, let alone the assistance of one to actually keep me from losing my son and protect me from this person, masquerading as “father of the year,” gas-lighting everything thing in my vicinity, as he tries to satisfy some sort of personal vendetta against me. I have acquired numerous physical ailments which now require specialist visits and medications for treatment due to all of the unrelenting stress this man has caused me, and can now barely afford to see the doctors to be able to remain receiving treatment and the medications to treat them. This constant legal pursuit has caused me irreparable damage to my professional career, as well as resulted in numerous negative marks on my personnel record because of tardiness, missed work, and PTO-related issues. 

Believe me, this is the very LAST thing I ever thought or would ever want to do, as I am fiercely independent and determined not to let this person destroy me in spite of his best efforts to do so. I do not have any family or friends who are in a position to help me protect myself from this man and this never-ending nightmare. I certainly do not have any extra income, or even savings at the moment. While I used to believe that "Sam's"  father was a “good father” in the sense that he keeps him clothed, fed, up to date on his medical care, etc, and I do believe that he genuinely loves him, I can no longer say that because a “good father” would not try to take their child’s mother away without a justifiable reason, and he does not have one. I believe he is a horrible person in the way he continues to treat the mother of his child, and I do not think that he solely possess anywhere near the emotional depth my son requires in order to have a happy childhood, and not even all of the therapy in the world can help fill the void of a mother’s love in a child's life. It absolutely breaks my heart to think of how losing custody of my son would affect him. He’s just a confused and innocent little person in all of this, and it completely wrecks me to think of any temporary or lasting damage he might be sustaining from this situation. Little boys are not supposed to have to ask their "Mommy"s why they’re crying, or watch them try to fight off panic attacks for fear of being legally punished for being a single minute late to drop them off for school in the mornings. It's hard enough for them to understand why they have 2 houses in the first place, and why Mommy and Daddy don't really talk to each other, but to even think about having to explain to them why they don't live at Mommy's house at all anymore, and not think that they must have done something wrong to make that happen, is just far too much to bear, and how anyone could even think of taking a little boy away from his Mommy who has done nothing to deserve such a punishment is just beyond my comprehension. 

I have tried to fight this off on my own for as long as I can, but I am now overpowered completely out of resources, and closer to losing this battle every day… I know that there are so many other people fundraising for lost loved ones, horrific illnesses, natural disasters, etc, who are far more deserving than I am, but if you have anything to spare to help me obtain legal representation to help keep me from losing custody of my son, no amount is too little, and prayers and kind words are always welcome and appreciated as well. 

Thank you for your support.