PTSD Service Dog for VietnamVeteran
Well my name is Harley Marino. I have PTSD since my tour of duty in Viet Nam June 1967 to June 1968 where I was in the Army Infantry. I spent my time in Plaku in the central highlands. We made many flights by chopper to “Hot Landing Zones” and I was even pushed out by the gunner for not moving fast enough when we were 25 or 30 feet high. Not fun.... Since then I am very anxious, jittery and very irritated. I have difficulty keeping my mind on one thing. I have had vivid flashbacks that make me feel like it is happening all over again, and severe anxiety, panic attacks, depression, anger and many nightmares about the things that I did or that happened to me. I want a PTSD service dog to help me deal with all this, but it costs a lot of money to train one. I am asking for your help.
Now I feel numb and have lost interest in most all of the hobbies I had before the service. I have no male friends because I fear that if I get close to someone they will DIE. In the foxhole one night after we were attacked I noticed a boot but didn't pay any attention. When I was eating breakfast later I looked again and saw a foot was still in it from someone we lost. Never paid it no mind, just kept eating. Sad thing is I don’t remember his name or if he lived or not.
I used to go camping and never really knew why I would feel anxious and have a difficult time sleeping. Not one of my ex-wives ever saw me sleep because at the slightest movement I was sitting straight up in bed.
I have had a hard time relating to and getting along with my spouse, family, or friends. About three years ago I had a disagreement with my brother and sister and have had no contact with them since. Anger has been a big part of my life, something that no meds or shrinks can fix. A month ago some kid (20) just said something to me that really pissed me off. Well, even though I walk with a cane I RAN after him and pounded on my chest for him to hit me. And I told him it had better be a good one because otherwise he will be in trouble as I was trained in Vietnam. Right now my whole body is shaking. I don’t like reliving all this.
In the 70’s no one knew what was wrong with me and I was called crazy. I have been depressed for so long it is all I know. I bought a heavy bag to use when the anger was too much and I broke my arm once and some fingers other times. My 2nd marriage was over when we had an argument and I got so angry I sat at the kitchen table and I hit the table with such force that I broke 2 legs from the table. I left and NEVER went back.
In 47 years, I have sat 25 times with a gun in my hand thinking of ending the pain. You see, my plan was to count to 10 and then pull the trigger. The only thing that has kept me alive was and is my DOGS. They would come to the room I was in and sit next to me and look in my eyes and I could hear them say “Don’t go, dad, we need you”. The only place I go is Church and I am the first one out the side door. I also have to go food shopping and to the VA for medical reasons and the dog park. But I go when I know I will not run into anyone. It is not strange for me to not talk to anyone on the phone for maybe a month at a time. I have no friends here and anyone I grew up with told me when I came back from Nam I was different and they didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I changed my name because whenever I heard by birth name I thought of Vietnam and got anxiety and panic attacks.
My daily life is not much of a life at all. I sit home alone most of the time. I have no male friends. I isolate myself because I don’t know when someone will say something to me that will upset me. Yes I have problems with anger. I also don’t like loud noises, fireworks or car backfires.
It would be nice to go to a mall or even a restaurant once in a while. My wife passed away 7 years ago and I would like to feel comfortable around women. I have not dated in 7 plus 20 years. Wow, a long time. I would like to be able to sleep a full night with no nightmares and a full 6 or 7 hour’s sleep. My wife was there for the nightmares and now she is gone. I'd like to go to see a movie, but in the last row of course. I don’t know when was the last time. Sorry if this doesn’t’t make sense. It would be nice to feel alive again and to stay that way. Sometimes I feel like I am in a time capsule, stuck in the 60’s and 70’s.
Having a PTSD service dog will, I believe, improve my life. I love dogs and trust them. I have a lab with the sweetest temperament who goes everywhere with me. I even found that she likes my motorcycle, hopping on whenever I go on it. I am trying to figure out how I can get a seat for her. I would like to have her trained as a PTSD service dog. First, we will have to spend some time together so that we can truly know we will make a great team. We will be together 24/7 365, so both of us will know just by a look or a movement how the other will react in any situation. That is part of the training. I will have so much trust in her that I will feel we can tackle what comes our way.
I want to be able to go out in public and to feel that she will have my back, that no one can come up behind me, that she can help me to open up a conversation with someone, or help me to get away without having a panic attack. I know it will take some time for me not to feel anxious or irritated in public. A goal of mine is to take less medication from the VA and to feel safe in my own skin. With the right dog I hope to get past all of that to the point that I can feel safe in my own house. With the help of my dog I hope to get to a point where I can have friends and maybe even visit the family. I love dogs and trust them with my life or even give my life for them. My dog will give me a real sense of how a new person in my life can affect me. My dog will help me to know who I can trust- if my dog doesn’t trust you, then neither will I.
As far as suicide goes, I will always have my best friend by my side day and night and I would NEVER leave them alone, never. Depression will lessen as the days, months, years go by, as we will be able to go out more and more, so in time there will be much less depression. As far as my anger, my service dog will enable me to avoid situations that get me mad and me and my dog will just walk away. All of this will not happen overnight. I don’t know what true love is and I pray that my buddy (dog) will show me how to love first her, and then a woman, in due time. 
Also this is the organization I am using for my service dog. www.PAWSTrainingCenters.com if you are suffering from PTSD they are happy to help you. Please help this old warrior.
