Can You Help Me to Help My Boys?

Summary: I am a mother of two. I’ve never filed a tax return with my income being more that 9k a year. My greatest wish in this world is to give my boys a better chance at this beautiful thing we call life. I am struggling to do that. 
Liam Summer of 2014



This year, I have seen 4 jobs. I have been through unemployment, I have been denied assistance. I was unable to have a party for my 5 year old. I remember my 5th birthday party. I hope he doesn’t remember not having a party. I have been unable to pay my rent 5 out of the 14 months that I have lived there. 

My mother and step father have been fighting to stay on top of bills and have helped when they could. They just bought me safer car that they insure for me. I can’t ask them again and they do not have room for in their home. 

My biological father has helped me when he could but he lives in Wisconsin. My boys and I would be separated if I moved that many states away. 

My boyfriend has helped a lot. I’m sure I have put a financial burden on him and I can’t ask him for more help. I can’t live with him either, I can’t throw my boys in a situation that I’m sure is a permanent one. 

I lost my job earlier this month. Christmas was very small for my boys, but they were happy. I was already down to my last $100 when I started this job and to losing it 5 weeks later, I did not have enough time to stabilize an emergency fund. 

I am left with about 200 dollars to my name and looking at bills that total much higher than my meager $200. 

My rent isn’t a bad number, $659. 

If I didn’t have two boys that look up at me with those beautiful eyes, I’d go couch hop until I could financially stabilize myself. If I lose my apartment, I will lose my boys. These boys are my life. 

 Oliver, Thing 2. Liam Thing 1. Spring of 2014



 

My expanded story: 

I'm 22 and sometimes I feel life has beaten me down far, far into the ground.

I am lucky to have two amazing, healthy, young boys. Liam turned five in July and Oliver turned two in early December. They have taught me so much; it is incredible to watch them grow. Everything I do in my life is always with them in mind. They motivate me when I didn't think it was possible. 

About a year ago, I moved us into our first apartment together. It's only one bedroom but it is spacious enough for us. I gave the bedroom to the boys because they need it more than I do. I put my daybed in the living room which blended in nicely and the large closet holds my dresser and other items. 

My boyfriend at the time was the one who helped me locate the apartment and he paid for me to get in the apartment. He also ended up paying for 90% of December 2013's rent.

I had my boys in the apartment for maybe two weeks before I was forced into sending them to their fathers because I was unable to afford daycare and I did not know anyone local who could watch them. 

My youngest was privileged enough to stay at home for next few months with his father and I tried to see him as much as I could. I regret to say that there were times I’d go more than two weeks without seeing that smile light up his face. My oldest was over 100 miles away and it was harder for me to spend time with him. I went more than three weeks without seeing those bright eyes. We talked on the phone frequently and for the first few months; I would have to get off the phone because the heart breaking things he would say would drive me to tears. Liam and I have been separated once before and I know how it crushed him the first time. I wish I could say it was different, that my boys both had the same father. But that was my error and it hurts my boys that there time is shorter than what it once was.  

I was working two jobs. One paid me $7.90 and the other job paid me $7.57.  November 14th was when the boys became separated. Liam didn't set foot in the apartment until January 26th, when my best friend brought him over for a surprise visit. Oliver was closer but I never had two regular consecutive days off of work. 
Oliver, December 2014


I was driving a 13/15mpg temperamental gas hog. Not because I felt awesome in an old pick up truck but because I was unable to buy another car when mine was totalled in July 2012. Another driver ran a stop sign. I got screwed with the compensation value on my vehicle and was left without a car until my parents offered me the truck. From October of 2012 until December 14th 2014, I drove a 1995 Ford F150 and put 40k on it. I got it up to 240,000. As you can imagine, this vehicle wasn't safe for my boys. It was riddled with problem after problem but it never let me down. I was finally in the position to replace it in February of 2014 but I was suddenly jobless right before I was going to finalize the sale.

 So, between my two jobs, it wasn’t unusual for me to work 28 days straight. I did what I had to do to keep that roof over our heads. Even though the beds were empty night after night, my hamper wasn’t littered with the cloths of small boys and the apartment held no laughter of these brothers...my babies...I kept on moving forward. Sometimes, I’d get that curve ball and I couldn’t make ends meet and the expenses ended up on my credit cards. Sometimes, I couldn’t take it anymore and I’d take a day or two off of work and see my boys at my mom’s house in NJ. 

The day I started my new job and started my transferred job, I gave these employers a work verification form to fill out so I could hopefully receive subsidy for my boys to go into daycare or preschool for Liam. When I received the first denial letter claiming ‘missing information’ in December, I was in tears. I knew I would have to start the process all over again and it would be longer until my boys could come home. But the same thing happened in January, I was denied assistance because of missing information. My manager at the transfer job wasn’t sending in the paper work. When I confronted him about this again, he said it needed to go through Human Resources which was in Kentucky or some other state. I called them and was forced to leave a message. When I didn’t hear anything back, I called again but I had to leave another voice mail. No one called me back; they just called my manager back. I talked to my previous manager and he was confused- he filled this paper out on spot for other girls before and couldn’t understand why my manager at this store wasn’t filling it out. I called human resources on a Friday; my deadline for the form was on a Sunday. Once more, I was left with the voice mail beep. I begged this woman to call me back. She didn't.

 Monday, February 4th came. I didn’t go to work that day. I was devastated and I didn’t know what to think. Did my manager purposely not fill out that paper? I didn’t go back to work after that. I reapplied for daycare assistance that month and early April was when I got the letter saying I was on the waiting list. Finally… Right? 

Wrong. I lost my second job on March 27th. The reason? My 90 day temporary period was over. November 23rd until March 27th. That is about 124 days. It felt like a slap in the face. I had been seeking a more suitable job since I left the other job in February but was having little luck. I went on two interviews before I lost my job in March. This was the same week I was in the position to buy a safe car for me and the boy. My tax return was miraculously just over 3k and it was a blessing in disguise. Since I could no longer buy the car, it became my rent and bills money. I applied all over the place.  I spammed my résumé over the Lehigh County. Everywhere. I am basically an unskilled worker. I have my High School diploma and some retail experience but I need a day job with the weekends off if I was to get my boys home. This proved to be challenging. Many jobs want that degree or 3 years+ experience. 

 April went by. I spent as much time as possible getting the boys together. This was the same month both fathers went to the courts and served me with papers for custody. I was hurt but I placed no fault on them. I was trying and trying but it wasn’t good for my boys that our visits were so full of gaps and unplanned. 

At the time, I knew that Liam’s father was doing it with good intentions. He wanted to put Liam in to a preschool and needed to have legal custody to do so and he wanted to register Liam for kindergarten and also needed custody for that. I broke down in court. I didn’t want to let go of Liam again because I knew what happened last time. I had heard the heart wrenching things my four year old had to say. 

‘My heart breaks when I’m not with you mommy.’

‘When can I go home?’

‘Where’s that baby?’

‘Why can’t I come live with you mommy?’

‘I’ll give you my piggy bank that way me and the baby can come life with you again.’

To see the tears in his eye when he was leaving, to have to pull him off of me…
 Baby Liam, 18 months

We went through a 3 month separation when I first moved out of state because the state of NJ thought this would be more beneficial to Liam. It made by son hurt in ways I never knew were possible. Liam was always a frustrated child and would get upset easily. I firmly believe that many of his problems that surfaced during this time were caused by the separation. He had anxieties and I couldn’t leave the room without him panicking. He would end up in tantrums where you couldn’t break through to him when I brought him back to dads. I saw his struggle with this once and I was scared of hurting him again because my life was just too unstable.

 So the state of NJ gave custody to dad with my painful consent. At the time, Liam seemed happy and he had friends. He was also surrounded by family. He seemed to have transitioned easily enough and I didn’t want to tear him from a newly learned routine. It would tear up his life again. Children need stability. NJ also slapped me with a support order of 72 a week. I had been living off the support order Liam’s father paid which was 82 a week. So here I was, unemployed with support order that I knew from the start I would struggle with. 

 The state of PA gave me legal custody of Oliver Monday through Friday because I wasn’t working and had more time to spend with the baby. I was incredibly grateful for this, I knew what kind of person Oliver’s father was and to this day I still hope he wakes up one day and realizes the world doesn’t revolve around him. He should focus on Oliver's needs more than his own. Oliver is a sweet boy, quiet and understanding. Only on a few occasion did I see his distress when leaving me. I hope he never has to deal with the inner turmoil that Liam did at such a young age. 
Liam and his friend Christine summer of 2013


I went out on many interviews between the months of March and July. I finally started work on July 22. I didn’t have money for rent and my boyfriend covered it. I applied for daycare so I could keep by boys. I was only working about 20 hours a week so I still wasn’t making ends meet when rent was due at the end of August. My grandma was now basically living with me to watch Oliver while I worked. I did get the letter that Oliver was finally on that waiting list and I was thrilled. My boyfriend covered August's rent also. 

 August 22nd, Liam’s father informed me that he wasn’t placing Liam into kindergarten as we agreed on in court. I was livid; I relinquished custody so that my son could start school and build a life for himself at dad’s house. I was ready to take it to court. I was still looking for full time regular employment and progress was slow. I needed the job to show the courts that I was able to take Liam home with me. Needless to say, this still hasn’t happened and it’s December. Half the school year is passed already. I feel like I let Liam down. 

 I decided to register for college and be a full time student while working. I was working on my bachelors for Business administration. I was doing 4 online classes and one on campus class. The semester just ended and I think I passed one class. I was unable to attend many of the campus classes because I couldn’t find an after hours baby sitter. When I started working full time, I couldn’t find time to sit and read 200 pages of text a week for school. When I started the semester, I received the Pell grant and I took out two small loans. The extra money from the loans is what covered my living expense when my job wasn’t enough and I was denied temporary assistance. Everyone I talked to about me registering for classes said it was a bad idea and that I was taking on too much. Some even said that I don’t need a degree. I became overwhelmed. I really tried. I thought it would be a great example to set for my boys but I just couldn’t do online classes. 

My boyfriend paid half of my rent for the month of September and my parents paid the other half. I received the loan refund in October to cover rent from then till now.
 
The waiting list for daycare was about two and half/three months. I had him in daycare for two weeks before my job decided to let me go. Bogus reasons again. They said the budget couldn’t afford my position and afford the new route representative they needed. But two weeks after, when I was looking for a job still, I saw that same company’s ad for my old position. Another slap in the face. Another set back. 

 I was able to keep Oliver in daycare for the next 30 days which I was grateful for. I was able to get a job within those 30 days so Oliver wouldn’t loose daycare because I had applied to jobs before I lost the last job. This new job was through a temp agency. I was very hesitant at first; I needed stable work but I didn’t have a choice. I took it. 

Work was great, the days were great. I was able to see my boys and the pay was sufficient. I made friends. I was actually happy at work for the first time in a long time. But they spontaneously let me go on December 17th. The temp agency is trying to place me again but they are having trouble finding a spot for me.

I spent this past week with my boys. I got a lot of one on one time with Liam. He benefits a lot from quality time, I saw my baby boy peek through under that macho façade he puts up. Liam tends to regress when he is with me, another issue with the separation. He will bed wet or poop in his pants or lash out. He usually hurts his brother. This past week, he was so well behaved that I pulled out seven dollars and we went to the affordable, family owned movie theater in town. 

I’m back to tweaking my resume and checking if the temp agency has any openings. I know if I am unemployed by the second week of January, then I won’t be able to afford January’s rent. 

 I have seen many gracious acts of kindness and generosity through the past two years of my life. I’ve been in many hard situations and it’s humbled me and allowed me to see the world with different eyes. I am working towards the day that I can turn around and return all of kindness I have been shown to someone who needs it... as I need it now.  
Someday, I want to be you, reading this and offering a helping a helping hand. 

I would not ask of this if I didn’t have two boys to fend for. 
This is not for me. 
This is for them. 

I beg of you. Please help me to help my boys. Thank you, for all that you are.