thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read this. 

hello all, my name is Jodi, I am 23 years old and I am severely, severely incomprehensibly sick, and completely bed bound with 60+ debilitating disabling chronic illnesses. I battle with the daily agony, suffering and symptoms of Fibromyalgia , Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Intractable Pain Syndrome, multiple vascular compressions including Median Arcuate Ligament Syndroms, Nutcracker Syndrome, Pelvic Congestion Syndrome, and waiting for testing for multiple other compressions, Severe Gastroparesis, Adult Failure to Thrive, Total Protein-Calorie Malnutrition, severe Gastritis, GERD, Peptic Ulcer Disease in my entire stomach and esophagus, 2 feeding tubes and a mediport,  Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, Myofacial Pain Syndrome, gastroparesis,  Costochondritis, Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia , Angina, IBD, 5 bulging herniated discs, severe spinal stenosis,  bilateral neural formal narrowing, degenerative disc disease, neurogenic claudication, radiculopathy, chronic herniated discs, left atrial enlargement, and I am in the process of multiple other diagnoses. I also battle with many mental health conditions and have my entire life. Including BPD, MDD, OCD, CPTSD, PTSD, severe GAD, Bipolar, Schizoaffective Disorder, Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder, and more. I have had multiple major surgeries to try and improve my physical chronic conditions and quality of life, but they have only added to my suffering. One of them was a Pyloroplasty to create a hole in my stomach to help treat my severe gastroparesis. My pyloric muscle was completely restricted it should have helped. but instead i ended up having a critical life threatening GI hemorrhage/bleed 4 days post surgery in my stomach and intestines that almost took my life. The trauma from that and not even to mention the endless horrific medical trauma and PTSD that i harbor and have endured and continue to face, is such a crushingly heavy weight to bare. 

I am terrified I am already harboring little to no hope to keep fighting through this endless pain and suffering and this just keep getting 100000x harder.

 My daily agonizing intractable pain and endless debilitating symptoms have completely depleted my quality of life so terribly resulting in me only being able to lay and write in pain. my illnesses have truly robbed and stolen everything from me, I mourn and grieve daily for my horrific disgusting past, my current insufferable present, the future i won’t be able to have. i grieve Working, Playing music, swimming, standing and walking, hiking, being in the sun, art, singing, dancing, cooking, my mobility, my independence; it is taken everything from me. I can’t shower or take care of myself without help, i can’t function in any way to be independent in any sense. I however am independent financially and pay for my own bills, groceries, gas, medications, appointments, hospitalizations, and take care of a senior cat. I created this to help me with these expenses, as i have nearly nothing. I am unemployed and unable to work due to my conditions, and haven’t since last october. Unfortunately I am only continuing to deteriorate and working like I wish i so badly could again isn’t possible, and working in general no matter what it is i fear wont be able to happen again. I am also in the process of waiting for a decision on SSI/SSD for the second time. Due to this, and because of my complex illnesses sending me to the emergency room and to the hospital so frequently due to endless complex complications, surgeries, and decline, I am behind on payments and that results in me not being able to afford necessities such as food water my medications my appointments and even cat food. both of my nightstand drawers are OVERFLOWING with hospital bills; so many that i’ve been too overwhelmed to sit and add all of them up. My medical debt is easily over a million.  my extreme intractable pain and symptoms affect every single part and function of my body. I am unable to work like I so badly wish I could again, and very badly need help. I feel so ashamed even having to make this, but I am struggling so terribly. Anything helps, I really appreciate anyone who even took the time to sit and read through this.