Project Oliver Lives On - Oliver Sigue Viviendo

Let me start by saying that we have never been comfortable with personal GoFundMe platforms, and neither my husband nor I have ever done one before until today. We feel compelled to launch this fundraising campaign that we’d like to call “Oliver Lives On,” which aims to raise money for a more significant cause, which is humanizing perinatal and neonatal loss that will benefit so many bereaved parents like us and by doing so honoring our child, William Oliver Herrera’s memory (we call him Oliver).

 

***Si desea leer la historia de nuestro preciado Oliver en español, aquí esta los enlaces en dos diferentes formatos*** 

Por Documentos Google

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1upDAVguCYsqS8tYweJHAwB10FVqytSSXgEPW_euopCk/edit?usp=sharing 

Por Documento PDF
Petition de GoFundMe en español-7.pdf 

Oliver’s Story

 

Our precious Oliver was born in infinite light on Tuesday, October 12th, 2021, at 9:43 p.m via natural delivery, weighing 5 Lbs and measuring 17 inches long at nine months gestation at Shore Medical Center in Somers Point, New Jersey, United States. He is the youngest of three siblings. He was a perfectly healthy baby boy from the start of my pregnancy. Oliver was born with his daddy’s cheeks, shoulders and nose and mommy’s eyes and hair. We assigned Oliver the color soft minty green, and his nursery theme animal was a brown bear. During my pregnancy with Oliver, he loved vegetables, skillet chocolate chip cookies with ice cream, molten chocolate cake, Peruvian rotisserie chicken, going to the lake and river with his siblings, the smell of flowers, listening to music and kissing and cuddling from his four-legged sibling, Carlos. He enjoyed it when we went on adventures with his big brother, Lukas. Oliver was the most well-behaved of all his siblings, only gently kicking me during the daytime while sleeping soundly during the night. During the sonograms, Oliver was shy when the sonographer tried taking pictures of his face by kicking the sonographer and turning his body to block his little face, but he proudly revealed his gender! He would suck his thumb and was such a sleepy head! Just nine months with Oliver of pure joy and love, feeling him grow and seeing him through the sonograms, sharing that experience with his siblings Victoria and Lukas. I felt like the luckiest mom in the world.

 

Until one day, unbeknownst to us, his umbilical cord tightly wrapped around his neck twice which caused cord compressions and the blockage of the travel of oxygen from his placenta through his umbilical cord into his brain, causing hypoxia that ultimately ended in a fetal-maternal hemorrhage. During a routine prenatal sonogram, we heard those four words uttered by the sonographer that forever changed our lives, “there is no heartbeat.” After hearing those words, our entire world crumbled to pieces, and since then, it has never been the same on so many levels. However, we are now determined to make a change for a more significant cause by creating an impact in our community for other bereaved parents like us, and hopefully society in general by raising awareness about the humanization of perinatal and neonatal loss by sharing Oliver's story. When we arrived back home from delivering Oliver to an empty bassinet and freshly washed newborn clothes and so many other baby gear, all ready for his arrival from the hospital was tremendously painful. Facing his siblings and telling them Oliver would never come home was the hardest thing we ever had to do as parents. Though short, Oliver’s physical existence has brought so many blessings to our lives, a spiritual awakening about life, grief, our eternal existence as souls, our inner selves, but most of all, about true, pure, unconditional and INFINITE LOVE. Oliver was profoundly loved, still is, and forever will be until the end of our days. He was wanted and expected by his family so very much. We waited a long seven years to have him as his older brother has disabilities, and he needed all our time and devotion for the first several years after his diagnosis. Besides all the blessings that both Oliver’s physical existence in our lives and now his existence in our lives in spirit has brought to each of us, we need to spread to others this immense and unconditional love Oliver brought to us and the profound impact that his life has on those who love him.

 

We might never know why these accidents occur to some babies and why some are saved on time while others are not. We might not save all babies, and some of you might be fortunate enough to have never known this unbearable, debilitating, heart-wrenching pain of losing a child. But we do know is that time on this earth is precious, and time on this earth, in this lifetime with our Oliver, is what we wished for the most. Receiving death when life is expected is an event that no parent is prepared for and should never have to be. An event like this changes you in inexplicable ways. Giving and losing life at the same time changes anyone for better or for worse. In our profound anguish and despair, our goal is to make this a positive change in Oliver’s name by telling others about his life story and continuing his legacy of infinite and eternal love that never dies. Such is the love from a parent to her child, true love. Because love is energy and energy never dies, it only transforms as our Oliver did, as we transform with him now into more conscious beings.

 

Oliver closed his eyes for the last time in my womb on a Saturday night and made his grand silent entrance into this world on a Tuesday night; when Oliver was born, his body had been floating in his amniotic fluid for three days. Those bittersweet moments we spent at the hospital with Oliver will be forever imprinted in our hearts, holding him in our arms skin to skin, stroking his silky black hair, kissing his lovely face, pretty teeny tiny lips and cute chubby cheeks over and over, caressing his soft skin and smelling the last of his scent before his body turned stiff and cold. There was never enough time with Oliver.

To look at his closed eyes, those eyes we would never get to see. During this unforgettable time with him at the hospital, we tried to absorb all his tiny delicate features, every small detail of his body and face. We were mesmerized by his perfection! Contemplating this life we created and so eagerly expected was both peaceful and heartbreaking at the same time. Memorizing how he looked and imagining how he’d grow to be. On the same night as Oliver’s silent arrival, we captured pictures with his siblings, Victoria and Lukas and his grandma. The time his siblings and grandma had with him at the hospital was brief but unforgettable nonetheless and so very precious to us; we will forever be grateful for this gift of time with Oliver. We requested the nurses brought fans to our room and turned the room’s temperature down to buy us more time with him, taking breaks in-between putting his body on the crib as the longer we held him, the warmth of our bodies sped up the decline of his. In addition, we used ice bags in between his body and ours to cool him down and lend ourselves more time. This experience was traumatizing, to say the least, as we are sure many of you will understand no parent should ever have to hold their baby with ice bags to spend just a bit more time with him on this earth. Knowing this time will be the last moments with him.

 

As if going through the agonizing labor contractions to deliver her baby wasn't painful enough for a mother. Add to that having to give birth to him without ever hearing him cry under a deafening silence that filled the room. This baby who grew in her womb for nine months, whom she cared for, adored and formed an unbreakable bond that not even death could break. Imagine leaving the hospital with empty arms, feeling the congestion of your breasts full of milk with no baby to feed because your body did not recognize what had happened. Imagine going through all the postpartum symptoms and feeling like a failure for not giving life. Imagine the unimaginable. Imagine seeing that baby being picked up by a funeral driver as you leave the hospital in your own vehicle with an empty car seat, knowing that today would be the last time you would see his face. Imagine having to buy an urn (or casket) for your newborn! Imagine taking him to your family in ashes in a little box. Imagine having to explain this to his siblings. Imagine having to repeat what happened to explain to your friends and colleagues when they find out you've already given birth and congratulate you on the new baby's arrival. No one ever prepares you for this!

 

Unquestionably all parents whose children have been born and departed under the same or similar circumstances as our Oliver must be provided with all the resources out there to be able to properly say goodbye to their children without feeling overwhelmed or rushed by the time of decomposition, knowing that this is the only time they would ever have with them on this earth and in this lifetime. All of us who have gone through this tragic experience will forever treasure every second spent with our children and will be eternally grateful for this undeniably precious time.

 

Our Mission

 

In the fog of so much immense pain and disconsolation. We found ourselves in an abyss of so much darkness and hopelessness, but we could see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was then we found out about the Cuddle Cot. We understood that such precious time with our Oliver was the greatest gift we desperately wanted: More time with Oliver. In memory of him, who now lives in our hearts and will live in the hearts of others through our donation with our project “Oliver Lives On.” That gift of time spent with Oliver would have been extended if we had been given a Cuddle Cot at the hospital I gave birth to. There would never be enough time spent with him...Unfortunately, at this time, there are no protocols that require hospitals to make the Cuddle Cots available to us parents experiencing this kind of loss. That is why some groups and charities raise funds to make these donations to the hospitals.

 

When you live our tragic experience, you understand that time is a gift, and this is the gift that we want to give to other parents, more time with their babies. We hope that this time provides a little comfort to their hearts. Our dream is to donate a Cuddle Cot to the hospital where Oliver was born, Shore Medical Center in Somers Point, New Jersey, USA. This hospital is very dear to us, as it was also where Oliver's siblings were born. At this time, Shore Medical Center does not have a single Cuddle Cradle. Our long-term goal is to donate another unit in the near future and then, every two or three years, replace the one we are donating. This way, the maternity ward will at least be guaranteed to have a working Cuddle Cot at all times.

 

The company that has the lowest price in the market is Flexmort CuddleCot. The cost of the Cuddle Cot is U.S $2,899 and comes with a 12-month warranty; an additional 12-month warranty is optional and can be added for the price of U.S $399. The plaque with Oliver’s name that we will place on the donated Cuddle Cot is U.S $70. A total of U.S $3,368.

 

Our family is jump starting this fundraising with U.S $1,500. We would need to raise U.S $1,868 to purchase this Cuddle Cot. At this time, Flexmort CuddleCot does not have a distributor in the United States, but dealing with them directly, the prices listed above are guaranteed, and the unit would be shipped from their facility in Pennsylvania, United States, via United Parcel Service (UPS). It will take around 7 days for the shipment to arrive when the payment is received. We wish to have the Cuddle Cot delivered to Shore Medical Hospital by Oliver’s first birthday in spirit on October 12th, 2022.

 

If we raise more than our goal, U.S $1,868, the remaining amount will be divided equally and donated to the following organizations: PUSH Empowered Pregnancy, The Tears Foundation of New Jersey, and Helping Parents Heal. Push for Empowered Pregnancy is an excellent non-profit organization that advocates for preventable stillbirth like it was in Oliver's case. Their resources, monthly expert discussions on preventable stillbirths, and virtual grief support groups have been a blessing to many families like ours. For more information, https://www.pushpregnancy.org. Tear is a local chapter of The Tears Foundation, another non-profit organization that helps families who have faced perinatal and neonatal loss by supporting them by creating seasonal events to remember their babies and hosting several monthly support groups, both in-person as virtual; this organization goes beyond just supporting parents but also supporting grandparents and siblings. Tear also provides financial assistance to families who cannot afford funeral expenses and purchase tombstones for babies as young as 6 months gestation to children 12 years of age. For more information, https://thetearsfoundation.org. Helping Parents Heal is a non-profit organization dedicated to helping grieving parents by providing resources for their healing journey; they go a step beyond other organizations by allowing open discussion about spiritual experiences in a non-dogmatic way. They welcome all grieving mothers and fathers regardless of their religion or lack thereof. The resources provided by this particular organization have been monumental to my healing journey. If I hadn’t found this organization, I don't know where I would be on this incredibly hard road. For more information, https://www.helpingparentsheal.org/.

 

About the Cuddle Cot

 

The Cuddle Cot is a small cooling unit that attaches to the baby's crib or bassinet. This unit cools the baby's body, reducing the process of decomposition and allowing more time for parents with their baby. Giving them this much-needed time to help them mourn and process what has happened.

 

The Cuddle Cot has proven very successful with over 1000 CuddleCots in hospitals and hospices across the United Kingdom. More will be sent soon as various groups, and charities raise the necessary funds. The CuddleCot launched in the United States and Canada in January 2014 and now provides an opportunity for hospitals in these countries to improve their bereavement services. Families see the benefits of several hundred Cuddle Cots in use across the United States and Canada. Here is a short video explaining how these Cuddle Cots help bereaved parents in this process: https://globalnews.ca/video/4335654/cuddlecot-to-help-grieving-parents

 

An organization that donated a unit to their local hospital:

https://www.hjnews.com/living/couple-donates-cuddlecot-to-help-grieving-parents/article_d3c6489c-a149-568a-9953-8e4597f075ff.html

 

United States academics highlight the CuddleCot as allowing families to provide after-death care to their babies. For example, Deborah L. Davis, Ph.D., details CuddleCots within her March 2014 Psychology Today blog, where she addresses the value of parents providing after-death care to their babies, both in hospital and at home, as an alternative to sending the baby to the morgue or funeral home. See http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/laugh-cry-live/201403/providing-after-death-care-home-when-baby-dies

 

If you wish to follow their Facebook page: https://.https://www.facebook.com/FlexmortsCuddleCot/

 

Final Words

 

Help us prevent Oliver's story from being lost as just another statistic. Help us raise awareness of perinatal and neonatal loss by sharing this platform and our project "Oliver Lives On.” Please help us keep Oliver's story alive. Our babies should not be taboo subjects. Their names should be said aloud. Their stories should be shared without fear of others pitying us or making us feel isolated or being silenced by society, especially by our own families and friends.

 

Our babies' lives mattered on this earth and have a purpose now in spirit. An estimated 24,000 babies are born still in the United States each year. Stillbirth affects 1 in 170 births. Stillbirth not only destroys mothers and fathers but entire families and communities. If you are a parent who has suffered this excruciating pain, know that you are not alone.

 

For those untarnished by this tragic event, who wish to understand in some way what we experience. I hope Oliver’s story may provide you a small window to peek through and, in some way, bridge that profound and complex gap between those fortunate parents whose children are well and intact and what we bereaved parents have had to endure. Please, if you meet a parent whose child has left this world too soon. Let them talk about their child and ask about them as if they were still on this earth. There is nothing more painful for us grieving parents after seeing our child leave this earth than to see others around us forget our child in spirit; hearing their names is music to our ears. It hurts us when others forget that they existed and still exist in our lives and matter to us; it's just a different relationship than when they were here in physical form. Please pay attention when they talk about their child, give them a warm hug and say their names! Such a small act of kindness could change the world we live in little by little. Unfortunately, our society is not educated about grief. One of our society's most prominent misconceptions is that hearing the names of our loved ones gone too soon hurts us because it “reminds us of them.” Do you think we forgot about them? We remember them every second of every day, especially when it is our child. We don't need anything to remind us of them because if we did, this would imply that we could forget them, which is simply impossible. We live our lives on this earth in their names now. They are in every action we take. From the most mundane activity to the biggest decisions we make in our lives, we always do it thinking of them, taking them into account.

 

Their absence in our lives is only physical. Who we are now is because of their existence and the impact their lives had and still have on our lives. Our children live through us now, and for as long as we love them, our children will be.

 

Flexmort's Cuddle Cot estimate is attached to this link: QWC-01080 Ada Gong CC.pdf The sales consultant and I have been in contact with is William Charles and his email is [e-mail geredigeerd]. For any other detailed information you might want from me or a fundraising update, my email address for this project is [e-mail geredigeerd]. Once the Cuddle Cot order is placed, we will post an update on this platform along with the order form confirming payment has been sent. In addition, we recommend that you call the Shore Medical Center hospital in Somers Point, New Jersey, United States for your own confirmation. We will still post photos of the Cuddle Cot on this platform and my personal Facebook page when the purchase is made. No amount is too small to reach our goal, if you are unable to donate kindly share this in memory of a baby you know whose family has been through a similar experience. Or if the story of our Oliver has touched your heart and you feel the need to share it. We thank you! You can also email me, even if you can't donate, and just need a kind ear to listen, and feel less alone on this incredibly difficult road or are just looking for resources, I'll be there.

 

If you have gotten to the end of this long story, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for giving your time to read such an important part of Oliver's story, though not the whole, as Oliver is so much more than his tragic departure and short time on this earth.

 

Thank you for sharing Oliver’s story wide and broad, so he can touch more hearts even after his departure, and do not forget to hug your children a little tighter tonight in honor of our Oliver.

 

Ada, Oliver’s Mom Forever and Always

 

“Because the value of a life is not measured by its duration on this earth nor the tragedy of its departure but rather by its impact on others and its legacy.” ~ Ada Herrera (Oliver’s Mom)

 

“Where there is LOVE, there is life” ~Mahatma Gandhi

 

“One word, one action, one thought can reduce another person’s suffering and bring that person joy.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

 

“If you touch one thing with deep awareness, you touch everything.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

 

“Death is not darkness but light.” ~ Michael Newton, Ph.D

 

“Journey into the beautiful dream that is life…the end is only the beginning.” ~ Brian Weiss, M.D

 

“Those we love don’t go away; they walk beside us every day.” ~ Author Unknown

 

“The final stage of healing is using what happened to you to help other people.” ~Gloria Steinem