Urgent Assistance 4 Nicole's Schizophrenia Recovery Journey

i am so afraid to do this, but i’m trying to “face at least one fear a day” and this one is probably one of the biggest ones, is having to do this again.

**ps- if u are able to do no more than simply share this post- it would mean the world to me and could really help me, as well as maybe even hopefully others one day.

first of all i just wanted to send out my deepest appreciation for everyone that donated to my gofundme in 2019 for me to start working on healing my schizophrenia and cptsd. because of that, i was able to go to a handful of different psychiatric hospitals and started to finally begin my healing. i was actually starting to do a lot better, my symptoms started to dramatically decrease overtime. i started to be able to go back to work, and even enrolled back into college last year in 2023 after a 10 year break from school. things were starting to look up big time.

i unfortunately had two major traumatic setbacks last year however, and my symptoms flared back up in ways that have been extremely overwhelming, new and difficult to understand and cope with, as well as incredibly confusing, disorienting, and traumatic themselves. i am really struggling with self awareness as well so please forgive me if that’s noticeable..

over the last year, my schizophrenic “symptoms” ((which i put in quotes because it’s all so real to me)) worsened at a rapid speed, leaving me no other choice but to drop out of school, ((now owing a bunch of money for a degree that i didn’t even get to finish.)) it has also become extremely difficult to work, as it has become increasingly difficult to function or even leave the house. my agoraphobia and schizophrenia have never been more difficult to understand or navigate. gathering the courage to even walk out the door sometimes takes all day. i also have been door dashing, which i love, but sometimes it’s too dangerous to drive because of hallucinations.

i am very embarrassed to say that i know i have to re-admit myself into a psychiatric hospital. and because i’ve had such a difficult time working over the past year - i have even more embarrassingly- fallen behind on bills big time again.

i really think if i peruse getting help again, i can get it right this time.

what i plan to do with any money that people might have the means to donate-

i will use it to pay my immediate backed up bills, as well as give me the next month or so of bills paid so that i can admit myself immediately back into a psychiatric hospital in boston and stay as long as necessary.

typing this out makes me feel pretty low that i have to ask for help again, but i am drowning- so i’m going to try to practice letting go of as much shame and guilt i have over having a hard time managing schizophrenia. it is, in my defense, a boat load to manage, and i wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

if u help me now i promise to make it my life’s mission to get myself back first, and then dedicate my life to helping other people with the same mental struggles that i have, as well as spread as much awareness as possible thru my personal experiences.

thank u so much for taking the time to read this. any kind of support u can offer even if it’s just sharing this or praying for me- would mean so much. thank you so much again to everyone that’s already helped me in the past and i’m so sorry to have to ask again.