McKenna's Crisis - Mental Health Journey

Our Names are Zach & Jamie Jordan.

We live in Burleson, TX. As we planned our lives and dreamt of having a family, neither of us ever thought we would one day be sitting here sharing and asking for what we are today. We have 3 children who we love dearly.

Currently we are in yet another crisis and heartbreak with our oldest daughter McKenna.

 

Before we get into the details of this journey we have been on with our daughter and where her journey with Mental illness, self harm, recreational self-medicating, Sucidial ideation & running away has taken us we want to share a bit about Mckenna as a person. As our daughter. As the human she truly is.

She is incredibly funny and quick witted. Her laugh alone will have you joining her in laughter even when you have no clue as to why she is laughing. Truly contagious.

She loves to sing & write music…. her voice sounds like Etta James met Lauren Spencer-Smith. It’s beautiful.

Her style has always been her own and she owns it! As a little girl you’d find her in sweet dresses but barefoot in the dirt saving all the critters or finding a cat or puppy to love.

She has always and still today beats to her own drum. Although she is 15 and in one hell of a battle… we still see our little Kenna with her hands on her hip patting one foot up and down singing “I’m going to Jackson” by Johnny Cash and requesting chicken on a bone for supper! She had the raspiest little voice and the best nose squint you have ever seen when she tossed her head back with laughter with that carefree spirit of hers. Man we miss that.

She is also an excellent athlete; she plays Volleyball & Softball. She loves skateboarding. She is an animal lover, who has plans to Volunteer at the Shelter at 16.

She loves her friends & family, especially her two younger siblings and will always stand beside them. That is, if she is not in Manic or depressive episode spiraling, which leads her to recreationally self-medicating and self harm.

 

Unfortunately, this is not new territory for us. We have spent the last couple years walking this out. Learning and Unlearning. Spending and Saving. Trying and Eliminating.

 

Just in March 2021 our beautiful girl shared how troubled she was and confessed to us how badly she wanted to commit Suicide. Our hearts shatter every time we have had to re visit those feelings she has. I’ve never wanted so badly for a mothers love be able to take that away because in a heart beat quicker than a heart beat even I would. I would take it. We did a “PHP” Partial hospitalization program then graduated to “IOP” Intensive outpatient program.

 

We felt hopeful again.

But Then the suicidal thoughts and self harm came back with a vengeance. Devastated. So we opted and went Inpatient where she celebrated her 14th birthday. After this stay we returned to “IOP” Intensive outpatient program

for more weeks. She was able to see the therapist & psychiatrist weekly.

 

We felt hopeful again.

 Later that year in August she dropped out of Volleyball then Softball due to Substance use and a great increase in her depression. Like most signs of major depression…. Grades began to drop, she was withdrawn and she began self mutilating her body again but this time she had nothing to hide. It was our new normal to be at an ER at least 1-2 times a week. Many over night stays due to Treatment facilities being at their max with no open beds available and it felt no matter how much I sought, I begged, I prayed, I hoped we would always be sent home.

It’s a feeling I can’t describe to simultaneously want your baby to be home safe under your roof in her own bad and to also want to hear so bad we got her! We got a bed! She’s going and won’t be under your roof.

 Home we go.

 

We have some great days.

We felt hopeful again.

 

The next month she still shares her Suicidal desires and yes, you guessed it we could lift a sleeve and see the self harm was back too. We land ourselves back in ER where they transported her and Involuntarily admitted to Dallas Behavioral hospital.

The next morning we were advised she was accepted to her first “RTC”residential treatment facility @ Meridell, by Austin, TX.

She was there from September 19- November 23 in 2021. However, since insurance did not have her testing results yet they would not pay for further treatment. She was not ready to come home then but we could not afford to keep her there if insurance wouldn’t cover.

We bring her home. Two weeks after being home, we received her Final Diagnosis Test Results from Neuropsychiatric & Psychological testing performed @ Meridell : IQ, Memory, Executive functioning, Connors, Rorschach ink blot, MMPI-A,Bender-Gestalt visual motor test, psychological testing with diagnostic interview, Family drawing.

 

With Outcome Diagnosis of: Bipolar(Unspecified), ADHD, Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder

 A true diagnosis.

We felt hopeful again.

We step into December and Kenna is still home. We begin “IOP” again.

The behavior, outburst, decisions, scenarios etc… continued to grow increasingly severe and dangerous. To herself and others.

She continues to run away and often unable to find her almost daily. Increased Depression, Self harm, alcohol use, recreational self-medicating, failing grades, friendships failing, lying, outburst you name it we walked through it.

My husband and I agreed for her to try new medications Over Christmas break while I was home to monitor. We kept on with the up and down then back up to Only resort back to continued explosive and heart breaking behavior.

 

 But this time…

 

We felt defeated.

I wanted that hope back so bad.

January 2022 arrives and an Involuntarily Admission to Mesa Springs Behavioral hospital for Manic episode, hysteria, self harm and many of the same things we have endured… she was then Re admitted to Meridell for the 2nd round of “RTC” treatment on January 21. Ahh that feeling came back.

 

We were hopeful again.

January 21 with the expectation of we staying 3-6 months maybe more.

But no she would have to leave March 11th as insurance would not pay for further Treatment even though we had test results this time.

 

We come home and just like every time things are okay for a little while until they aren’t.

But that’s the thing with mental illness and substance abuse. It’s unpredictable. You cling to the good moments with this grip of fear realizing the good moments start to lessen.

 

Here we are today. Our Kenna is Currently Voluntarily In patient @ Mesa Springs again at her request for possible Mania or Manic episode, depression & recreational Self -Medicating. With a discharge date of April 19th.

 

We so desperately need the cycle to end here.

 

The fear and yet normalcy we feel for every time she has run away.

The lessen of shock when the calls come that she got in another physical altercation at school.

The destruction of home and property.

The lying, blaming and manipulation day in and day out.

She has been suspended multiple times and sent to an Alternative school where we hoped this may be the “ah ha”moment for her. But as we have learned and leaned into what mental illness looks like it’s not always as simple as a revelation.

 

Some see this Kenna. This destructive Kenna. We still see the special girl we described above. She is still there and there’s a war on our babies life that we won’t back down from. We may have grown weary and weeped many nights away but we will never not fight for our girl.

Sharing such intimate details of her story is not easy. I pray one day she will know exactly why. I share it in hopes to help us fight for her financially to get the help we so desperately need.

 

 

Since she is currently inpatient at this time, Time is CRUCIAL! No matter what, she has to leave this current hospital in the next few days. Whether that’s home or to wilderness therapy we have found.

If she were to come home again this time the record plays again…. the same group of friends, same problems, still feeling alone, wanting nobody to love her or care about her.

She has a Huge family and support system who come together to guide, love and nurture her. She’s got her step dad Zach who loves her like his own, me her momma who loves her beyond description, her father Troy who while may not be able or present, loves her unconditionally, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles. She is loved GREATLY by a BIG family!

We love our daughter, We are scared for our daughter.

Therapist and psychiatrist have told us that if she isn’t helped more now, then she is on her way to Juvenile Detention or even worse…… the day would come where she is no longer with us here on earth.

 

 We have participated in Parenting Teens with Love & Logic, Family Therapy & during Hospital stays with therapists on site. Countless Parenting books, Support Groups, Family in Crisis classes through Heartlight ministries. We now have to take more drastic strides.

 

Us & McKenna need your help! Please help us to not let her become a statistic.

Mental Health Crisis is real. We happen to be one of those crisis.

 

Currenty Texas is number 51 out of 50 states…… we are dead LAST in Mental Health aid in this country.

Please help us help her!

Unfortunately, over the past year our funds from Savings and 401k have depleted completely with paying for treatments, which I would do over and over again for her.  ( Alot of Mental health providers are Cash only these days) 

We are able to pull what I have from my 401k to pay $4,000 to hold her spot at SEEDS.

They require $10,000 a week prior to stay & then we can break payments to every 21 days which is roughly $10,000.

The total is $44,000 (includes the numbers above)

 

I have reached our for assistance from our Church home, family and also from a few Non Profits for assistance with funding and currently waiting to hear back from all.

 

 

Her beginning steps:

SEEDS WILDERNESS THERAPY

 

Seeds Wilderness Program-

• Only Christ centered Wilderness therapy in US.

• 8-20-week program

• Christian Wilderness Therapy as a ten-week Christ-centered nomadic (backpacking) wilderness experience that combines the best wilderness practices with the best practices in mental health. They talk a lot about Retreat, Restore, Revive. They retreat to the wilderness where they encounter Christ. They are restored through His grace and mercy and return to give back to the community and spread revival.

 

• Wilderness Therapy programs can run between $500 and $700 per day. SEEDS current rate is $575 per day. For a typical ten-week session, including a gear deposit, it comes to $44,000.

• Seeds program is different in that they run a 1:3 student ratio, and their field instructors are at least 21 years old and have extensive training. They have a Doctoral level clinical director and licensed therapist who meets regularly with the students, creates plans, and follows up with parents. They have a licensed physician who regularly checks in with the staff and students to monitor their health and safety. They also provide a pre-, post-, and 180-day assessment to measure progress and success. The high standard of care costs more to provide. Seeds provides great value for the investment compared to other wilderness therapy programs.

• Seeds provides experiential and interpersonal services that allows the individual to explore their emotional, spiritual and physical needs in a safe, caring, supportive environment surrounded by the wonder of God’s creation.  

• Each student is part of a positive peer culture of up to 7 students, led by adult guides and mentors. Students attend group therapy ongoing and individual therapy sessions twice per week with experienced licensed therapists proficient in wilderness therapy interventions. Trained in cognitive behavioral therapy, attachment-based therapy, family systems, trauma-informed, substance abuse treatment strategies, and motivational interviewing, our therapists are skilled communicators, educators, and role models to adolescents as they face the challenges of secular ideology. Through extensive assessment and treatment planning, individuals with their families build healthier strategies for bonding and togetherness

• Each family has a therapist assigned to coach them in a parallel process alongside their student. The therapist and parents will create family goals that inform individualized treatment plans. Parents are invited to attend a mid-course visit and a graduation weekend of experiential activities and skills-based therapeutic interventions

 

 

A Link to read more on why wilderness is so Transformational- Retreat,Restore,Revive.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WTvj9igOtodRVcTuX8sskE2cZN_6WbK8/view?usp=sharing

 

We are also using a Chrisitian Educational Consultant free of charge when most cost thousands of dollars.

 

Also, I am doing so much research to obtain any assistance with funding to help her create a better future for herself emotionally, spiritually & physically as she deserves every bit of it! She has a BIG purpose in her life & lets get her on it!

 

How Funds will be used:

 

SEEDS WILDERNESS THERAPY: $44,000 for 8-20 weeks depending on her need. She will receive Group & Individual Therapy as well as schooling. Psychiatrist and Nurse along with Individual Counselor with a ration 1:3 Teens. They supply all supplies she needs as far as clothing, backpack, hiking boots, camp needs, food & Water.

 

Currently we are looking into the best fit for Christian Therapeutic Boarding School after she graduates from Wilderness Therapy to continue her education in a 12-15 month time frame which costs 40-50K, to utilize her learnings and be able to come home healthy and ready to take back her life!

 

We have a bank account dedicated for this.

 

We promise to keep everyone updated about expenses and programs.

 

There will be multiple updates for you to look at as you see our daughter progress & where she is at now.

Thank you in advance, 
Jamie & Zach