Dannys portion of the mattress fund

Danny Rodriguez made some bold financial plays. A couple (too many) Rolexes, a taste for luxury, and now — a mattress situation that can only be described as criminally negligent. It’s lumpy. It’s loud. It may legally qualify as a medieval torture device.

Naturally, you’d think Danny would want to invest in fixing this. Or at least split the cost with Erick and Cosme, who’ve generously offered to go in on a proper mattress like functioning adults. But no — Danny suddenly found religion in fiscal responsibility. Now he’s playing broke like it’s a sport. Says things like “tight month” while wearing a timepiece that costs more than a used car.

So here we are.

This GoFundMe exists because Danny wants a luxury mattress — but on your dime. He won’t help his friends pay for it, but he will absolutely accept your donation while sipping iced coffee and pretending he doesn’t sleep like a Victorian orphan.

Help him out. Or don’t. Honestly, it’s more about the principle now.

But if you do contribute, you’re not just helping Danny sleep better — you’re helping Erick and Cosme sleep better knowing they didn’t get stuck footing the bill because someone couldn’t put his wallet where his watch is.