DOMINICS WALK TO WALES FOR MENS MENTAL HEALTH

As Robin Williams once said “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about”. For the better part of my life, I always thought I was somebody who just got easily irritated and annoyed over the silliest things. Sometimes I worried a little bit too much about what others might be thinking and sometimes I felt feelings I didn’t understand why I was feeling. Everybody says how lucky I am for the life I live and how amazing I have done for myself so why would I have a reason to not be ok? Anyone who knows me personally will know exactly what I’m like - always wanting to be out and about, and hates being stuck in with nothing to do. If I hated being stuck in the house surely I wasn’t depressed or anxious about being around people because isn’t that what it is? Can’t get out of bed? Doesn’t want to do anything but sleep? Turns out that’s not always the case - Severe mental health effects people in ways I didn’t even realise until recently things got on top of me more than they ever have before and I started doing research into what on earth could be wrong with me. It took probably 10 years too long but I finally reached out and accepted that the way I was acting and feeling wasn’t normal and I needed some kind of help but I didn’t want them feelings or emotions anymore. Luckily, I have been fortunate enough to have people around who have helped in ways I could never of expected and will be more grateful than they will ever know.

Not everybody has the strength to reach out to somebody yet and not everybody will be able to receive the help they need.

12 years ago, aged 37, my uncle Carl took his own life and only being a 14 I did not fully understand why back then. Them feelings and emotions running through his mind must of been the worst, darkest feelings to enter somebody’s brain. Then on top of loosing their life they are called cowards, weak and not a man at all. This shouldn’t be the case and shouldn’t be happening. These feelings are real no matter to what extent it might be whether it be a small ‘what if’ or ‘I don’t think I can do this’ right up to the ‘I can’t do this anymore’. If I can help just one man stop feeling like this, then sharing my story would be worth it. Life is hard and hey, I’m going to say it - it can be shit but I’ve came to understand it’s all just about having the help to control your feelings and the first way to do this is by talking to somebody about them. I want to be somebodies somebody.

I have always been completely against the possibilities of me having depression or anxiety. Maybe it was just shame at the thought of it or incase people thought I was lieing.. but the truth is, to see and speak to me most days, I’d think I was lieing too. When infact, there are days when I can’t even leave the house. I have been sitting there ready but my feet just would not take let me walk. Sometimes I say yes to the stupidest of things just because I don’t want anyone to think or say anything badly to me. I apologise for absolutely everything when 99% of the time, there’s nothing to apologise for. Don’t give way to me on the roads.. I’m sorry. Somebody else misses a shot on fifa.. I’m sorry. If I had a penny for everytime I said sorry for no reason, I’d definitely be rolling in it.

Im sorry if I’ve bored you by now but this is another one of my anxious traits kicking in - I ramble on and on. I’ve actually had to get my girlfriend to re type this because to me, punctuation and grammar just does not exists and it wouldn’t be fun trying to read without it. I wrote this down on paper first too and I don’t have a clue what my first draft said because I can’t understand my own writing. My brain goes so fast my hands struggle to keep up with it.

This whole idea to walk to Wales just came out of nowhere when on my way to counselling. I’m that impulsive that I’m doing it next week with no training and just hoping for the best. I’ve struggled getting to sleep the past few weeks so I’m probably going to be absolutely knackered but that just makes me that bit more determined. Lighthouses look out for people hence my reason for choosing Leasowe Lighthouse as my starting point and Tallacre Beach Lighthouse as the finish. I want to do my bit to look out for the the men of the Wirral. Those who don’t realise there is help out there for them in the unlikeliest of places. I have learnt to manage some of my emotions and have a long way to go but this journey isn’t for me now, it’s for the men who feel ashamed to say they feel alone. The men that are afraid and who feel like they have nobody to turn to whilst they beat this battle and get back on their feet.

I was originally just going to do this walk for myself just to feel a sense of accomplishment and to be honest, it’s not like I’m walking the Amazon or anything so I didn’t think it was much of a big deal until I told people and they called me crazy. It was them who gave me the idea to make it a sponsored walk therefore any funds raised will be split between two charities. JourneyMEN for all the men out there who may be feeling how I have felt and the Martin Gallier Project - a suicide prevention charity - for all the men out there who may feel like my Uncle Carl did.

Lets get rid of the stigma of a man shouldn’t need help sometimes. It’s our job as a son, brother, father, uncle and mate to check it on each other and make sure they’re ok. I am a big brother to two men; Leroy and Harry and now hopefully they will now know it’s ok to ask for abit of a carry, abit of advice and it is ok not to be ok everyday. Let’s raise awareness of these programmes so people know they’re out there. Don’t worry, you don’t have to text GIVE 10, 20, 50 or 100. Even £1 would be something - I don’t want to see no copper though.. unless it’s a barrel full anyway I also know some people may ignore this but if this gives just even one man the push to reach out then seriously that would be sound for me. Infact I’d be buzzing.

If you did manage to get this far, then thankyou for taking the time to read this and WISH ME LUCK!! I’m aiming to start on 13th August at Leasowe Ligthouse at 7am finish at Tallacre Beach Lighthouse around 7pm so if anyone wants the proof I’ve done it, come down, get a drink and watch me crawl to the ligthouse That’s if I make it at all.. be my luck to get lost and end up in Scotland

” The saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anybody else to feel like that “ - Robin Williams