Humbled mom seeks assistance

I am humbly reaching out, as a last resort, to help myself get a strong start for the future of myself and my three amazing boys. I am truly at a point where this seems to be the most viable option, and while it is darn near killing me, I will do absolutely anything and everything, including swallowing my pride, to try to make a better life for my children. While I fully accept the fact that I have not made the best choices in life and relationships, I would truly not change a thing, knowing that my amazing boys are the result. In the past year, I have finally gained a backbone, become self-sufficient, and am raising the most incredible little gentlemen completely on my own. For those that know me, I am a single parent to Joshua (13), Zach (weeks away from 9), and James (3). These fellas are my WORLD. Joshua has Asperger's, James is fully autistic, and Zach is the proverbial middle child...and the only one not on the spectrum. They are all incredibly bright, fulfill my life, occupy every moment of my time when I am not at work, and while things are a constant challenge, I take it on with a smile on my face. They will never know my struggle, nor should they. I work constantly, I go to weekly autism occupational therapy appointments, I drive back and forth for my kids to attend better schools out of my district, and sleep an average of 4 hours per night. I am by no means complaining, and would never throw myself a pity party. As with many of us, life has thrown several curveballs my way, and while I have overcome things I never could have imagined conquering, I am finally at a point where I need to take a deep breath and ask for help. Family assistance is not an option, child support is non-existent, and a little leg up, so to speak, merely buys me a very small amount of time. I need a launch pad, a starting point, a cushion. I cannot even begin to fathom having to not worry day to day about how I am going to pull the next month off. I have, for years, scraped by, borrowed from Peter to pay Paul, and did it with enough grace for my children to never know there was a problem. While we know the rule of reprimanding in private and praising in public, my mantra is one of crying in the shower and never at the dinner table. I am proud of how far I have gotten, and while that is personally fantastic, it does not get me where I need to be. I have thought, for so long, that if I finally had enough to actually start off ahead of the game rather than behind, I could be okay; that my boys would continue to believe I had things under control...which they absolutely do. But, I do not. I am learning SO much, having 2 children on the spectrum...and I can only hope they are learning as much from me. Every work shift, every drive to school, every IEP meeting, and every therapy appointment is done by me, and only me. I have three insanely intelligent kiddos, whom are capable of SO much. I have recently been informed of a potential option for social security for my youngest, but it will be months, at best, to come to fruition. I also know my legal parental rights, and fully intend on pursuing them. Both take time and money, understandably, neither of which I have. While I can sleep less, and create more time, I am all too aware that I do not have the financial capabilities to ultimately do so. Things in my life have been hard enough; I have squeaked by, and I keep (and will continue to keep) getting up every morning and pushing my nose to the grind. Most days, I honestly surprise myself with what I pull off. Others...not so much, which is all too normal for some. I am beyond grateful that I have my health, education, and most importantly, my wits about me. Whether it's carpool karaoke to Shawn Mendes on the way to school, delicately shuffling full time work, critters, and bills, or the spring concert at the elementary school, I make it happen. Every. Single. Day. In the past 2 weeks (some of you know a bit of this information), my job location of 5 years is closing in two months after a solid run of 24 years. Bittersweet, to say the least. I do not require praise, nor a pat on the back. I do recognize, however, that I am to the point of asking for help. So, I implore you all, ever so humbly, to reach out. Many of you have had an incredible impact on my life...and it has been one in which I reciprocate as best I can. Aside from the announcement of my employer to close down (although with another 60 days to work my tail off and plan ahead), I have survived yet another mother's day (my mother having passed away prior to all of my children being born), split up with my fella (a brief, albeit nice "extra" thing that was mine and not another responsibility...for once...although inconsequential in the grand scheme of things), and finally decided to take on a roommate/close friend and her 4-year old little one. While it was chaotic, trying, routine-changing (ridiculously difficult for spectrum kids), and also rewarding, she packed up and left today while I was at work. After supporting her, as well as her troubled (and adorable...with SO much potential) child, gaining what I felt was a best friend, and knowing, as well as agreeing, that we would be a team, she completely bailed without notice or money promised. We said would raise these little guys properly and with self-reliance. Her first complete check for a job I enabled her to get while taking on a kiddo far different tempermentally than my own, is received tomorrow. She left today. Perhaps I shouldn't have so blindly trusted her, perhaps I am naive, and perhaps I may even learn another lesson. Straw. Camel. Back. Needless to say, it has been a long 2 weeks. I am finally at my breaking, frustrated, pride-swallowing point. I never saw myself reaching out in this way for help. I also never saw myself loving three small humans so incredibly much, that I would be willing to do so. Yet here I sit. Here it is. If you can help me get a fresh start and do better for my boys, I am forever in your debt and cannot even begin to express my gratitude. If you are unable to, but have bothered to read this outpouring message, I thank you as well and appreciate your friendship.

Humbly and appreciatively yours, Karen