Honoring My Dad: Covering Final Expenses

On Saturday, July 19, I lost my father to sudden heart failure in the ICU after battling a long list of ailments that were never brought to light until we got to the hospital. Passing just a little over a month before his next birthday, he was a loving, amazing father, dedicated grandfather to my son, an avid surfer, and lover of the water in general. He will be extremely missed and is forever loved by his friends, his family, myself, and his grandson. For the last five years, he and my son were the only two I spent the most time with, my father was the person that held me together at the seams when everything felt like crumbling apart. He was my rock, my lifeline.

On July 15th, my father went to the ER due to fluid that was accumulating around his lungs that was found by CT scans the week before. During his initial night in the ER, another scan was run and found that, not only was there fluid compacting his right lung, there were possible cancerous polyps on his left lung. We didn't expect anything of that gravity because our family doesn't have any cancer history to our knowledge.

As the days progressed, his health continued to deteriorate. He lost the ability to sleep due to pain, lost the urge to eat more than a few bites. Blood clots formed in both of his legs overnight between the 17th-18th causing extreme pain in his left leg, which ended up with risking bleeding with a stronger blood thinner until radiology could see him in the morning. By the time the morning came around, his left leg had no pulse and his foot was turning a pale yellow. That day, his hospital appointed doctor and surgeon spoke to him about doing an angiogram and possibly putting catheters in his legs in order to deliver clot-busting thinners in order to remove them safely. With his approval, they took him for the procedure and moved us to his new room in the ICU.

The night of the 18th he was brought into the ICU room and he was already awake, but in a state of delirium. He didn't know where he was, why he couldn't move, and why he was in so much pain. We (the dedicated nurse and I) tried to explain to him everything that happened, that he had catheters placed in his legs so they were in braces so he couldn't bend his legs, that he was in the hospital ICU and in good hands, that his pain was because of the clots that formed and they did the first procedure to clear and remove them. As we left at 7pm due to strict ICU visiting times, I gave him his phone and we kissed him goodnight. The nurse gave him painkillers and a mild sedative to help him sleep through the night and assured me that if anything happens, I will be notified.

By the time I got home that night, he called me six times asking me if he could go home because he's in so much pain. I kept reassuring him that everything will be okay, the nurses are there to help him with whatever he needs for the night. He would act his usual and say "yeah yeah okay bye" and call back a few minutes later more aggravated with the same question turning into a demand.

The seventh and last call, he was yelling at the nurses before yelling at me to "get him out and bring him home." We kept trying to calm him down with myself over the phone and the nurses in the room. He threatened to call police on the nurses and said that he would rather go home and die instead of being in this pain. At this point, he was attempting to pull his IVs out, a long with the chest tube (from the fluid mentioned earlier) and tried to move out of bed with the leg braces on. By this point, he hung up on me. I called the ICU direct line after a few minutes and they informed me that he was finally calmed down and everything was okay. They had to administer a stronger sedative in order to make sure he wouldn't cause further damage to himself. I was then told by the nurse to stop by the next day around 9am to speak to his ICU doctor about what the next steps will be.

The morning of the 19th, I got to the hospital as planned and spoke to his doctor. He said that the clot busters were doing well and that there will be a second angiogram today to verify that everything can be removed that night. His surgeon arrived shortly after and decided to move the angiogram up from 4pm to ASAP so then they can get working on it right away. As the surrogate, I gave the okay and signed the consent forms to do so.

The second angiogram went well and he was brought back to the room with no complications, just needed one more day with the catheters implanted and they could finish it up the next day and remove the chest tube. By the time he was back in the room, we had an hour to spend with him, and we spent it watching TV and making sure he was comfortable while waiting for a blood transfusion that he needed due to the escalation the night prior. 7pm hit again, and we kissed him good night and said "see you tomorrow, okay?" That tomorrow would end up not happening.

My son and I were eating dinner at the mall located next to the hospital when the ICU doctor called saying that my father's heart has suddenly stopped, and would need my overriding approval to continue resuscitation due to my father's note of not wanting to be. I told the doctor so whatever it takes, keep him alive, and we both ran back to the hospital. In total, they attempted resuscitation for 25 minutes before they had no choice but to call it. At 8:41pm, my father passed in his sleep.

The doctor spoke to me on the side, letting me know what transpired between us leaving and the moment of his passing - as they gave him the blood transfusion, they found a bleed in his GI tract and took him to the operating room right away. He was stable and asleep with no complications. The moment he entered the room, his heart stopped.

On Monday, his hospital doctor called and updated me on a few things from radiology. Aside from the fluid around his lungs, the polyps were definitely cancerous. It also spread to his liver, metastasized in his lower spine, and there were traces of it spreading to his brain. They will be doing a genetic screening today to ensure that the cancer was not something that is passed down to us.

Your donations, no matter the amount, will be going to the hospital bills, cremation costs, and funeral expenses.

Whoever does donate, I appreciate you and thank you so much for helping during this time. It's hard enough not being able to see him everyday anymore, but I know he's no longer in pain.