Dreaming of our baby

Its hard to talk about our life in a few paragraphs and give the full picture of what we are facing but I am going to do my best.. .

Jeff and I meet in 2003, we were friends for many years before anything romantic took place. Over the years we both dated other people, asked each other for relationship advice and watched each other make all kinds of dating mistakes! lol

 Looking back  its more obvious to me now all the ways he has always been my family. I cant pin point exactly when I knew I loved him, the truth is that it evolved slowly over our 15 years of friendship.
We have seen each other through so many life lessons; love lessons, dealt with crazy ex's, at times had more than 500 miles between us but through it all we always remained friends and we always came back to each other. I truly feel I have found the person in this world I am meant to share my life with.... Luckily for me he feels the same! lol

Jeff proposed on The Golden Gate bridge in March 2016, we were married soon after that same year in September.
We have been married  for about a year now and like many newlyweds we want to have a family.

Unfortunately our desire to build a family has been a series of heartbreaking obstacles.

7 years ago I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome( PCOS )

 If you are like me you have probably never heard of PCOS before today...

PCOS is a hormone imbalance in your body, you develope a host of nasty little side effect from this imbalance such as; mentsrual irregularity, weight gain, anxiety, depression, hair loss, slow digestion, hirsutism, dandruff, acne, insulin resistance,  diabetes, high triglycerides, high cholesterol, heart disease and infertility.

My personal experience with this disorder is best described in one word. ...SHAME!

I am a makeup artist& licensed cosmetologist, it is literally my job to help other woman feel beautiful. Having this disorder had robbed me of my own beauty and every confidence I once had! 

The first year was the hardest, I gained 40lbs like most gain 5pounds, it felt instant, I would go on to gain 40 more over the next 3 years! My hair starting failing out every single day, I had to cover my bald spots with hair extensions and struggled to cover the hair on my face with layers and layers of makeup.  

Thank god I had a background in cosmetics to help me with my charade.  I felt unlovable, ugly, and really  depressed that this was now going to be my new life.  Instead of letting anyone in I quickly learned how to hide myself, I spent hours each day grooming myself and planned ahead to ensure I looked like I had it together in every social setting.

 I was no longer the fun and outgoing  girl I used to be, I found it hard to want to go out or be around anyone for fear of what they might think of me, all the weight I had gained and because it was exhausting trying to pretend I was happy.

Over the past 3 years I have dedicated myself to learning all I can to one day overcome this disorder. I have lost over half of the weight I gained, I take supplements, essential oils, ive  eliminated things out of my diet, I see several different specialist and I have learned how to manage all of my symptoms... except one!

I can not have a baby on my own, I have over 100 tiny cysts on  each of my ovaries that block me from ovulating.

In Vitro fertilization (IVF) is our solution!!

IVF starts by  extracting my eggs, those eggs are then fertilized with my husbands semen and embryos are created, those embryos are then place back inside the uterus.

In our case we are using a suroggate, my best friend will carry our baby because I am not strong enough to carry the baby and the risk of miscarriage is too high.

It is really hard to put all of our personal business out into the world for everyone to see, but the idea of not having a baby because of pride seems ridiculous.

I know we will be great parents we love kids, all of our nieces and nephews love us and always want to be around us. More importantly we are in out mid to late 30's and we are ready to give everything we have to our baby.

We have  really good insurance that does help but each step of the way we are faced with additional cost; the IVF treatment itself, a fertility lawyer, FDA testing on my husband and I, counselling for all parties involved, and all the medications and hormone shots needed to make sure everything goes as planned.

We are doing our best to raise the money ourselves,  but this process is overwhelming to say the least and is moving very quickly. Any help  we receive will be greatly appreciated!!

Thanks for reading our story, I really appreciate you taking the time.