This is the story why:
I met S at work and we got along great. The problems didn't show themselves until I was pregnant, but still, I was determined to do what I could to make our small family a success. Our arguments took on the exact same m.o. every time, and the rest of time I found myself walking on eggshells when he was around. It was not until Arin was almost two, when things went seriously south and he kicked us out of the house, did I learn that I had unwittingly found myself in an abusive relationship.
I never thought that this could happen to me, but emotional abuse hits you before you know what has happened. It destroyed so much of my happiness, and I became a shell of who I once was. I cannot understand why more emphasis is not placed on educating people about the signs of this devastating thing.
Thank goodness for the amazing support of my best friends who took me in and helped me in any way they could.
The problem still remained that S was Arin's father, and although he had done these terrible things to me, I had to consider what would be best for Arin. At the time, I thought that S's willingness to be a father counted for something, so we slowly got to a point where Arin could see his father again.
But then again, this type of abuse creeps up on you, even when you think you've become strong enough to withstand it.
There is a lot more to this story; so much has happened in the past three and a half years since then.
Threats that S has made, his constant abusive messages toward me and his lack of care for what he says around our son cannot be described in a few words. But it is enough that I now can see clearly that being a father and being a dad are so very different. He is poisonous, and my sweet son does not deserve to be a part of this mess. S tells Arin lies, and each time I give him a chance (tonight was a video call before bed, where S managed to say that "mummy is mad at you because she won't let you see me", before I could hang up), he proves again why he is an unfit parent. After, at bedtime, Arin told me that he doesn't want to grow up to be a man like his father, but that he wants to be good like his mummy, and wants to stay with me forever. It is not the first time that he has said things to this effect to me, but tonight I have decided that if money is the only thing in the way of our happiness, then I will do whatever I can to get it.
Arin deserves to be loved, and to know love, and as his mum, it is my job to ensure this. Being a mother to this amazing child goes beyond my wildest dreams; my love for him is indescribable. And my need to protect him from intentional harm is the most important thing in the world to me.
In a nutshell:
I understand that there are so many children who have fathers who do not make an effort at all, and for so long I have thought that I would be doing a great disservice to my son by keeping his father away. I really questioned if it would be selfish on my part to do this. It seemed impossible to know what the right thing to do was.
Now, after the most recent events, I know for certain that Arin will be better off with less contact. The cycle needs to stop.
My lawyer has advised me that these proceedings can run up to 10.000EUR if the other party "fights back", and I can guarantee that S will fight. Currently I am paying 220EUR/hr for legal services, and am running out of savings quickly! Any little bit that you help us with will be greatly appreciated.
It would mean everything to be able to know that my son is safe, and then we can finally start to rebuild our lives and move on. Just typing this has made me feel hopeful already.
With love and thanks,
Christine and Arin xx
- Joseph Lazzari
- Melissa Johnson
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