A Super Secret Club For Very Important Women

Hey, EJ here! I’ve had some excellent news!

A mystery donor has offered to match every penny I can fundraise for my Lesbian Bar! Isn’t she just incredibly generous? So let’s get started!

There are no lesbian bars in The UK any more (and only 5 in the USA) and, as a lesbian, I don’t much care for it. The reasons are simple - Men. Men/males accuse us lesbians (and bi/sapphic women of course) of discrimination against them for not wanting their… company and unfortunately they’re kind of winning.

Not For Long.

So, in June 2024, myself and a team of 5 women are opening a Lesbian Bar, oh I’m sorry I mean a Sapphic Space, for all women to enjoy strictly female only company. Did you know that Sappho was a poet? So our definition of Sapphic includes any woman who can provide me with rhyming couplets on the door.

For many (possibly legal) reasons, the Inner Sapphic Sanctum - The Lady Garden - will be a secret bar. Think Speak Easy meets A Socialite’s Living Room, this invite-only space will be like the Room Of Requirement for women. When you need it (and are a woman) the door appears. It’ll be the worst kept secret in all of London. Women Only.

But never fear, lads! There’s a Man Crèche… I mean *cave* for you. So you can hang out there while your wives/girlfriends/daughters/sisters/aunts come and enjoy my excellent company. Sure, that’s a risk, but I have beer and Tekken for you!

To ensure I have all my bases covered, I have secured a prime location in Soho, London for 2 years. Opening will be June 2024, and I recon if I can’t make something of it in 2 years, no one can.

My professional history is as an Opening Manager. People who are opening/rebranding a hotel, restaurant, Cafe, events space, bar or other Hospitality Venue, they hire me for a year or so to guarantee they succeed. Of the 14 I’ve opened, 13 remain in business. So I figure it’s time I opened my own place, right? A Secret Bar For Super Important Women.

To keep the lights on and as a Front, I have four other streams of income (for men AND women) planned -

1. Restaurant

But not the classic way. I would like to contract out to female only catering companies who have a passion for Silver Service. I can’t wait to celebrate women in business.

2. Hire Our Catering Kitchen

Women are so enterprising! So many have small businesses as bakers, confectionery, edible cosmetics etc. But bringing a home kitchen up to scratch is tricky if you want to pass health & safety standards. Good news! During the day my top notch Catering Kitchen will be available to hire for you to start or grow your business. We’ll worry about maintaining food safety standards, provide all the kit and even make our team available to you if needed. All you have to do is do your thing! We are excellent sample-tasters.

3. Events Space

Upstairs we have a 50-65 cove events space with separate entrance which can be hired for anything from Speed Dating to Karaoke to Conferences & Co-Working days. Clubs, coffee mornings and fitness classes would make a great addition to Rosetta’s. (That’s our name. Rosetta’s. As The Peaky Cauldron may have copyright issues…)

4. Coffee Hatch

My Speciality! During the day, the coffee bar will be open for your weekday coffee (with weekly subscriptions available for all-you-can-drink-coffee) with two trained expert barista’s to speedily provide a coffee service to locals.

5. Private Hire

I have one more trick up my sleeve! Find me on Twitter at @ejrosetta to see how bad I am at keeping secrets.

Yes, this is a passion project with an emphasis on Women. As we face unprecedented challenges to lesbian culture, women’s sports, spaces and safety, it’s time we rolled up our sleeves and did something about it.

I think that a Sapphic Space With A Glitching Gaydar is going to be so much fun and provide a much needed sanctuary for women. I’m sure you’re aware that Sappho was a poet? So my definition of Sapphic includes any woman (or our expert security team) who can provide me with a rhyming couplet! Bi women & detransitioners are of course welcome but I’m afraid, due to the fact that lesbians are always and only female, we cannot admit trans women in to the Lady Garden. It’s a Secret Bar, anyway, so I don’t know how you’d possibly know that anyway.

I have been given one month to fundraise, at which point the investor will generously match every penny donated here. You know who you are - thank you so much for your hugely generous and humbling gift, and your faith in us.

Now, for goodness sake don’t tell anyone, it’s a secret, remember? Even worse if you share this link! Please restrain yourselves.

Thank you so much. This is going to be such fun! See you *June 2024 at Rosetta’s or in the meantime on Twitter @ejrosetta

*pending fundraiser completion