A story of a mother trying to make it.

There’s a lot that a person can keep to themselves. They can seem so happy, post happy moments, share the funniest memes, and say the most positive things, but nobody knows what someone is going through. Sometimes people don’t share the most vulnerable parts of themselves in their lives because they don’t want to burden anybody else. Women, men, children – we all go through trials and tribulations in our lifetime. Every giant we face, every battle we fight we win or we lose, but are we even really losing it all? Who is to tell me that my battle alone is not important enough to reach out for help, to reach out for guidance, to reach out for love, and appreciation and a second chance. Who is to tell me that just because there is someone out there that is also struggling to make ends meet my situation is any less of a struggle?

I don’t know where to begin. 

I’ll start by saying that this year has been extremely hard. I’m not going to go into too much detail because it’s still personal and it’s still ongoing, but I will say that I have stayed extremely quiet, I’ve been very resilient, I’ve tried to maintain strength for my children, and myself. I feel myself breaking more often than not and my mental health has been up and down. I feel as if the world is on my shoulders and I do not know how to push it off and I don’t know if I have the strength to lift, but I have to pretend and I have to put the distractions and the depression and anxious thoughts that occur in my mind to the side because I do have two children that need me here.

As I sit here typing this, I glance at my three-month-old son who is laughing at me who is smiling at me who has no idea what is going on, yet he is still happy and he is still loving - he is forgiving.
Aveya is with mimi tonight... she too is the light of my life. She too is forgiving, loving, laughing, caring and understanding.

How can something be? What can I do to help us in this situation? I’m having to choose between moving back to a place I so desperately wanted to leave or to try all my options- no matter how vulnerable or desperate it makes me look. 

I just need help. I wish I could further speak on what is going on, but I do not trust a lot of people these days and I’m only
looking out for my babies. 

This “goal” is quite the reach, but literally anything helps. 

Thank you.