First of all, I would like to say this is very hard on both of us, coming out about our situation. While trying to raise funds, we would also like to make others more aware of the infertility world and the feeling of shame that's casted upon those who have suffered and are still suffering. Infertility isn't something anyone chooses and like any other disease, it is very emotionally and psychically draining.
Before Jennifer shares her thoughts, I would like to take a moment and share mine.
With yearning to have a child so bad, I wish I could convey the amount of sadness in my heart that this struggle has brought upon us. I try to be tough for Jennifer and eat as much pain and burden as I can while giving all the love and support I can provide during these times. With me having a Fixer type of personality, when I am alone and don’t have my work I can bury my emotions in, I feel that I am letting her down because I can’t fix everything. Routinely while driving home from work I will breakdown and will pull over or wait in the driveway until I am done before going inside because, a song, a sight, a smell will trigger emotions of times I had with my parents and wish I could have those times with my own child. I am normally a very private person but I can no longer let my pride and emotions prevent me from letting our story out.
Thank you. Clayton
Clayton and I were married in 2006 and knew right away that we wanted to start a family. After a year of trying, sadly it never happened. After visiting the gynecologist, we found out that I have elevated FSH and Clayton has DNA fragmentation as well as morphology issues. After a lot of research and trying to conceive our first for 8 years, we have come to the conclusion that IVF(in-vitro fertilization) through Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine is our best option. There are couples who travel from all over the world to get IVF done through them. Their doctors are known as some of the best in the US and one of their doctors, is well known for helping out a famous couple. Their lab is also state of the art and best of the best. We feel by going there, we have a great chance of becoming parents. I know some are looking at the price and wondering who would spend that much? You can not put a price on love or a dream. Every little girl dreams of becoming a mom but no little girl ever thinks of having to deal with IVF or infertility.
The dream of being parents is something Clayton and I think about constantly and the daily struggles and the constant reminder, is a lot to bare. No one knows the depression and the dark hole that infertility puts you in unless you have experienced it or have a loved one going through it. My heart aches at the thought of never becoming a mother and also makes you feel like a failure as a woman, as well as a wife. I wouldn't wish infertility upon my worst enemy. It is devastating month after month and year after year, to be only failed once again by your body. There are times I have cried so much, that my eyes were swollen. If you have a family member going through this, please make sure to be there and to show your support. Infertility isn't easy to deal with. If you are a parent, be thankful, because someone, somewhere, wishes they had that honor.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this and to donate. We look forward to sharing our IVF journey with you. Also feel free to join us on Facebook. Operation baby Matthews- https://www.facebook.com/groups/625172117596185/
Dreaming of our little one,
Jennifer and Clayton
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