What To Say To Someone Who Lost A Loved One
It’s natural to feel helpless or feel like you don’t know what to say when someone close to you is in terrible emotional pain. It’s also completely normal to feel anxious about lending a hand. Will you say something to make it worse? Should you reach out or just give them space?
Fortunately, there are ways to help your friend while they grieve, and you don’t have to navigate this uncharted territory alone. In this guide, you’ll find specific tips on how to help someone who is grieving through simple gestures, resources to help you understand the grieving process, and the best ways to help financially.
Five thoughtful ways you can support someone who’s grieving
Grief can be all-encompassing. It has a way of infiltrating every aspect of someone’s life and making normal tasks a struggle. Between 2020 and 2021, there were an estimated three million people grieving and facing bereavement in the UK, according to the Bereavement Commission. When your friend is deep in the trenches of grief after the death of a loved one, there are a few key ways you can be there for them and comfort them when they need you the most. Here are four ways you can help a grieving friend or family member.
1. Acknowledge what your friend is going through
It may be hard or it may feel awkward to do, but when someone has lost a loved one, simply acknowledging their loss can go a long way. According to the NHS, it’s important that grief is acknowledged and spoken about, along with using the name of the person who has died.
When thinking about what to say to someone who just lost a loved one, simply stating you know about their loss and are there for them can go a long way. Death is a tough topic and many well-meaning people will avoid addressing the topic for fear of bringing up difficult emotions for their friend or loved one, but addressing the passing of a loved one is always important.
2. Provide emotional support
It’s human nature to want to eliminate someone’s pain or get as far away from it as we can, but experiencing pain is a natural part of the grieving process. Trying to remove or ignore grieving can actually invalidate your friend’s feelings rather than helping them feel better. Don’t try to push your friend to move on and understand that everyone heals differently so avoid projecting your own expectations or experiences onto them. Try your best to keep these things in mind as you try to navigate what to say to someone who has just lost a loved one. Simply letting your friend talk through their emotions can go a long way.
According to Psychology Today, it’s important to ask the person grieving what they need and then listen to how you can support them through this time. Ask questions, listen closely and keep the focus on the person who is bereaved. Try not to always relate it back to your own experiences or say you know what they are going through because you don’t.
3. Offer to help in practical ways
Assessing what your friend needs and then taking care of it requires stepping into discomfort and getting close to their grief—but this is far more helpful than saying, “Let me know if you need anything.”
Does your friend have dogs that need to be walked, errands that need to be run, or kids that need to be babysat? Showing up with a hot meal or a gift card to a restaurant will most certainly be appreciated as well. Taking these responsibilities off their hands will give them some much needed space to grieve.
This also might be a time where your friend or loved one needs a bit of financial support. If they’ve gone through a big bereavement, they might not be able to work or earn money and also things like funerals are expensive. Especially in the case of an unexpected death, people may not always have a plan in place. If you can offer to help financially in any way you can, that would be a way to offer practical support to that person – whether it be big or small.
4. Volunteer to write the obituary or eulogy
Your friend may be too overwhelmed to take on the task of learning how to write an obituary and deliver a eulogy. It’s an emotional task that due to its nature needs doing soon after the loss of a loved one, so taking that off the hands of the bereaved could be appreciated greatly.
5. Don’t forget to check in periodically
Many say that two to three months after the loss of a loved one can be the most difficult. It’s around this time that the heavy duty support has waned and the surviving friends and family are expected to return to their normal lives.
According to Sue Ryder, there’s no timeline on how long grief can last and a bereavement that happened 12 months prior could still feel just as painful. A mourning period is a long process and it’s about growing around the grief as time goes on.
If you’re wondering how to help grieving parents, a sibling, or a friend during these latter months, it can be as simple as sending a quick text message or making a phone call to let them know you’re thinking about them. When you’re thinking about what to say to someone who lost a loved one, this simple gesture will let them know that you still acknowledge their pain and you’re there for them. It also allows them to reach out to you when they are feeling ready.
Three ways you can help a grieving friend financially
When you offer emotional support as well as financial support to a friend while they grieve, you can help lift a huge burden from their shoulders. Below are just three ideas of how to help a grieving mother, friend—or anyone else—with finances during a difficult time.
1. Start a scholarship fund
A scholarship fund pays tribute to the person who died and what they were passionate about while also helping students. A scholarship fund could help to pay for someone’s university education in the UK for example. If the deceased was passionate about a certain subject or had a certain interest, it’s a lovely way to honour them and give back.
If your friend is interested in starting a scholarship fund to commemorate the deceased but lacks funding, you can contribute and ask others to do the same. To get started, see our blog post How to Start a Scholarship Fund and Honour a Loved One.
2. Chip in for funeral expenses
It’s all too easy for people who are in the midst of dealing with the loss of a loved one to become overwhelmed with the cost of burial expenses. The average funeral service costs more than £3,700, and can leave many families wondering how to get help with burial expenses. By stepping up to help pay for funeral or burial expenses, you can make an immense difference.
3. Establish a community memorial
A community memorial is an ideal way to celebrate the life of the deceased. Many people choose to build a lasting tribute in a place where their loved one enjoyed spending time. A park bench, community garden, or permanent plaque are just a few ideas for a community memorial.
Why crowdfunding is a powerful tool during times of grief
Even during times of grief and bereavement, the person who is grieving still needs to address practicalities going on in other parts of their life. They may feel unable to work or complete normal tasks for quite some time after the bereavement, but that doesn’t mean that bills also stop. Funerals are expensive and deaths are sometimes unexpected or people don’t have funeral plans.
Crowdfunding for funeral expenses can help to ease a massive financial stress on the families and loved ones of those who have passed. A more general fundraiser could also help with other costs associated with grief too.
- A crowdfunding page means that other people in the community can contribute to say goodbye to the deceased person if they see fit. It’s an opportunity for them to help in a practical way.
- Memories, pictures and stories can be shared on the GoFundMe page.
- It helps to ease the financial burden on the loved ones of the person who has died.
Thousands of people use GoFundMe for memorial fundraising. If you’d like to look at some examples of how others have used crowdfunding pages for this purpose, have a look at our memorial fundraising page.