Disabled Vet and Service Dog
If you can’t walk, crawl
If you can’t crawl, find a friend to carry you
I am creating this out of desperation: I have no other viable options: this is my last ditch, hail Mary, shot in the dark.
About me: I am a disabled Vet. Former Special Forces Operator. The problem is that I am not the man I used to be: came back from my time in the Service with severe physical and emotional damage. Lost the use of my left leg. Incontinent due to internal damage. Lost half my jaw, all my teeth, disfigured and …changed. I was, I am, amazed at how easily I was discarded, thrown away, as if my sacrifices and Service meant nothing. PTSD has me paranoid, jumping at shadows and anything that moves. Wake up screaming every freaking night bathed in sweat to such a degree I can literally wring out my sleeping bag and bedding.
Long story short, after the never-sufficiently-damned VA lost my paperwork no less than THREE times I had/have no income. No income meant loosing everything: I am homeless, living out of my non-functional 1993 Ford Explorer in an abandoned industrial park with my service dog. A local mission-type thing provides a meal three times a week: the rest of the time I scrounge what I can for us.
I am hoping to get enough to get my Ford fixed, and, hopefully, maybe even get into an apartment.
Please, if you can , any little bit would help.
I would point out I was heavily medicated on post surgical drugs, pain killers and the like, but that sounds like I am making excuses, and I am not.
I sincerely apologize. Made a damnfool of myself.
It will NOT happen again
Does anyone have a bag of peanuts I can borrow? Please?
I need them to lure away the elephant sitting on my chest.
Damn. Even with all the drugs they have me on, I am in non-trivial pain. Suck it up tadpole; just weakness leaving the body.
Shadow missed me a lot. Rebecca would bring her down every day after work, and she would cry, whine and rub her face on mine (her version of a hug) the entire time till she had to leave. I’ve been here about twenty minutes, and she has not yet stopped pressing herself tightly to my side. I suspect she will stay like that for a day or two.
I get such a kick out of medical types. They all think everyone has their kind of money. Told me that my facial collapse was going to be irreversible if I did not get dentures soon. Ya. No kidding. I don’t have any money. If I did, I would get Shadow’s rotted teeth removed, then worry about myself. I am too chicken shit to try removing them myself; I am terrified I would hurt or harm her. Somehow I don’t think the eleven cents I have to my name would cover it.
R is going to kill me. Dead. I am getting blood all over her sheets damnit. I need to change this dressing, or, rather, ask her to, but I don’t want to keep bothering her. I managed to change my own garment, but damn it was problematic. No idea how much your side moves until you don’t want to move it. I look like I am wearing half a sweater. I look stupid enough without this crap! Why did they shave only half my back and chest? Lazy or what? I look like a damn fool, even more so than usual.
I am babbling . I need to go. Sorry.
Just wanted to wish everyone the very best, and I hope this New Year is filled with health and happiness.
After much consideration and pondering, I have decided to have the surgery for the cancer. My understanding is that they are going to go in through my armpit ( which is , I guess, better than cracking my chest open ), and scoop out a lobe of my left lung. At least I will not be sponging of of Rebecca for a few days. :)
Rebecca is going to watch Shadow.
My very best to all you and yours
Seriously, thank you all so much, for your kindness, generosity, care, concern and interest.
May you and yours have the most wonderful of Holiday Seasons, and my very best to you and yours!
All the very best James. I hope the surgery goes well. Stay positive and know that many people are thinking of you during this new challenge. Kristen x
James your story touched the hearts of many, your dedication to Shadow no matter the hardship you are going through speaks volumes to your character. Of course we would want to know how you are getting on.
Have a safe trip and best os luck to you and Shadow!
Pleased your living situation has improved. My thoughts are with you often James and I wish for peace and happiness for you and your dog.