A Boy and a Horse
Donation protected
My son is almost 9. Since he was only ten days conceived, he has been subjected to the stress and reality that many children never have to face. When he was two, he stood between his brain-damaged biological father and me as the father raged against me with all of his cognitive dysfunstion and said: "Don't you be mean to my Mommy." At three, in a voice that was too old for his years, he asked me who would be his mother when I die. At four, he really began showing signs of the anxiety that had been present since birth that is part of the ripple effect of a catastrophic car accident that took away the man who conceived him and left a disfigured, angry 'monster.' The boy was diagnosed with nodules on his vocal cords, like the ones trained opera singers get, due to misuse of his voice. How? By screaming out his pain and his stress and his frustration. At five, he began self-mutilating. At six, he was convinced people would come and murder me and then him. At seven, he would not go to school for 6 weeks, or leave the house. He was put on medication. At eight, he was the longest recipient of social services in the free system (almost 5 years). He was discharged, though the anxiety continues. It has robbed him of a childhood. It isn't fair.
At eight, after years of people suggesting it, we tried therapeutic riding. The first time he was with the horse, he got more from that lesson than he did in 5 years of therapy. He was brave and confident... and relaxed. He put his hand on the horse and rubbed him in a way that he has only done to me or to something like a stuffie that he associates with calm and safety. I was in tears.
We live on a hobby farm and the boy has been around animals his whole life. We take in the ones no one else wants. We have been stuck with the medical cases that uncaring owners ignore until it is do or die. Saving an animal does not come cheap. We have exhausted our reserves due to these emergencies.
It is also suprisingly expensive to manage the life of a child with anxiety. It is hard for me as the mother to work full-time when you factor in the boy's considerations. He needs activities and medication and new clothes (from chewing his due to stress) and so many other things that other children might not need. This is just a part of our life. We would not have it any other way.
My husband, and the man whom my boy has chosen to be his dad, was working 7 days a week to help us meet all these costs. Last week, he lost his weekday job. We live in an area that does not have many jobs. We have thought about relocating but the market is not that great right now and we would not be able to sell right away. We are actively looking for work for him with agencies, etc. and are sending out resumes left, right, and center but nothing so far.
I was working one day a week at a Museum, which I love. Unfortunately, due to surprising budget cuts, all but one of the staff were laid off. It is looking like the cuts are there to stay and that there will be no work there down the road. I too have put out resumes and have heard nothing back.
I could go into detail about how my husband and I seem to get the shit end of the stick, but it is hard to believe. I will give you an example to illustrate our point. Two years ago, we tried to help a battered woman by letting her stay in a house we had just bought to flip. We missed the golden opportunity to sell when she wanted to stay on and figured, well, we were doing a good thing. Two months later, she left in the night with the only key and by the time we got back in, the pipes had frozen and there was thousands of dollars in damage. We have had the house since and have slashed the asking price almost in half. The market tanked. So now we are carrying that expense and why? For trying to help someone.
Of course, in the midst of our lay offs, comes the most perfect horse in the world for my son. We have the space. 50 acres. Runs ins, a fenced area, a garage/barn with stall mats. Two minis. A Standardbred we are babysitting for a Mennonite family who are taking clear advantage of us but at least the horse is not alone at their place and in a muddy pen that is 12 ft. x 20 ft. with no shelter. We have room for a horse for my son. A horse that he would fuss over and that would take him outside of himself. He is responsible. I see it here everyday.
There are horses and there are horses. We could get a free one or an older one, but I am not a trainer. I want one that is safe for my son. Tucker is Quarter Horse. He is worth thousands of dollars. He has been trained with children AND as a therapy horse. Horses like that run in the thousands. Because they know we will give him a good home, his owners are willing to sell him to us for $1300.
It is the deal of a lifetime. The boy can grow with the horse. The horse will help my boy learn not to be afraid and when I see my boy on horses, I know that for the first time in his life, he is on top of the world. The world is not scary when he is on a horse.
The photo I posted above is of my boy at riding with a QH gelding just like Tucker. As a mom, I see the trust my son has as this horse looms over him. I see the confidence as he looks the trainer straight in the eye, which he never does. I see the smile.
I need to come up with $650 by March 1, his birthday. The rest is due shortly afterwards. I have painfully saved up 100 but that is not going to cover anything.
In the end, I am asking for help for my boy so he can have a horse. If he were physically challenged and needed a prosthesis, it might be covered. Anxiety is so belittled and so misunderstood that there is no extra fund I can tap into. If there were, try explaining a horse as an expense. That is why I am turning to you all. I realize that there are other more worthy causes. I realize that asking for a horse for a boy seems entitled and spoiled. I also know that if I do not ask, I will never know the difference it will make for my son as he soars through life. As his mother, I would do anything to give him wings.
At eight, after years of people suggesting it, we tried therapeutic riding. The first time he was with the horse, he got more from that lesson than he did in 5 years of therapy. He was brave and confident... and relaxed. He put his hand on the horse and rubbed him in a way that he has only done to me or to something like a stuffie that he associates with calm and safety. I was in tears.
We live on a hobby farm and the boy has been around animals his whole life. We take in the ones no one else wants. We have been stuck with the medical cases that uncaring owners ignore until it is do or die. Saving an animal does not come cheap. We have exhausted our reserves due to these emergencies.
It is also suprisingly expensive to manage the life of a child with anxiety. It is hard for me as the mother to work full-time when you factor in the boy's considerations. He needs activities and medication and new clothes (from chewing his due to stress) and so many other things that other children might not need. This is just a part of our life. We would not have it any other way.
My husband, and the man whom my boy has chosen to be his dad, was working 7 days a week to help us meet all these costs. Last week, he lost his weekday job. We live in an area that does not have many jobs. We have thought about relocating but the market is not that great right now and we would not be able to sell right away. We are actively looking for work for him with agencies, etc. and are sending out resumes left, right, and center but nothing so far.
I was working one day a week at a Museum, which I love. Unfortunately, due to surprising budget cuts, all but one of the staff were laid off. It is looking like the cuts are there to stay and that there will be no work there down the road. I too have put out resumes and have heard nothing back.
I could go into detail about how my husband and I seem to get the shit end of the stick, but it is hard to believe. I will give you an example to illustrate our point. Two years ago, we tried to help a battered woman by letting her stay in a house we had just bought to flip. We missed the golden opportunity to sell when she wanted to stay on and figured, well, we were doing a good thing. Two months later, she left in the night with the only key and by the time we got back in, the pipes had frozen and there was thousands of dollars in damage. We have had the house since and have slashed the asking price almost in half. The market tanked. So now we are carrying that expense and why? For trying to help someone.
Of course, in the midst of our lay offs, comes the most perfect horse in the world for my son. We have the space. 50 acres. Runs ins, a fenced area, a garage/barn with stall mats. Two minis. A Standardbred we are babysitting for a Mennonite family who are taking clear advantage of us but at least the horse is not alone at their place and in a muddy pen that is 12 ft. x 20 ft. with no shelter. We have room for a horse for my son. A horse that he would fuss over and that would take him outside of himself. He is responsible. I see it here everyday.
There are horses and there are horses. We could get a free one or an older one, but I am not a trainer. I want one that is safe for my son. Tucker is Quarter Horse. He is worth thousands of dollars. He has been trained with children AND as a therapy horse. Horses like that run in the thousands. Because they know we will give him a good home, his owners are willing to sell him to us for $1300.
It is the deal of a lifetime. The boy can grow with the horse. The horse will help my boy learn not to be afraid and when I see my boy on horses, I know that for the first time in his life, he is on top of the world. The world is not scary when he is on a horse.
The photo I posted above is of my boy at riding with a QH gelding just like Tucker. As a mom, I see the trust my son has as this horse looms over him. I see the confidence as he looks the trainer straight in the eye, which he never does. I see the smile.
I need to come up with $650 by March 1, his birthday. The rest is due shortly afterwards. I have painfully saved up 100 but that is not going to cover anything.
In the end, I am asking for help for my boy so he can have a horse. If he were physically challenged and needed a prosthesis, it might be covered. Anxiety is so belittled and so misunderstood that there is no extra fund I can tap into. If there were, try explaining a horse as an expense. That is why I am turning to you all. I realize that there are other more worthy causes. I realize that asking for a horse for a boy seems entitled and spoiled. I also know that if I do not ask, I will never know the difference it will make for my son as he soars through life. As his mother, I would do anything to give him wings.
Organizer
L.A. Ellis
Organizer
North Glengarry, ON
