Abandoned military spouse in England legal fees

I supported my husband with his Air Force career for 18 years. To find him leaving me without a note and then discovering divorce papers 2 days before Christmas!

Long story short he promised to postpone until I could get my work visa in England and then proceed. He decided on his own to proceed and tell the court he couldn't locate me in the UK in order to not have to split his military pension with me. Also, he abandoned me in England with no return home early rights and not taking me out of Tricare so that I still continued to get medical assistance on base - which I'm now liable to pay for his I was no longer sponsored.

Yes, we had marital problems as anyone would. When deployed, he sought comfort from other women. For years I accepted this as a mistake that many make and we went to counselling (multiple times) to save our marriage. 

Even with his last deployment before retirement, I supported him. Calling, emailing and sending care packages each month.  But again he chose to look to another woman.

He came home in October and the next day said we should get divorced. As a dedicated wife, I wanted to go to counselling once again. We did but he continued to leave me on several occasions without a note but then return later to try to save the marriage.

We went to counselling and all was good. Near Christmas, we both bought each other presents and put under the tree. All was good and then he left me without even a note for the final time on 21 December 2017. He even left the TV on! So, of course, I was worried about what happened to him.

We bought tickets to visit our Luxemburg and German friends at Christmas. I already bought presents and sent to their house so we'd have them for Christmas day.

He decided to go back to his mistress in the US while I followed through to visit our friends although heart-wrenching.

I printed out my boarding pass and went in the office to pick it up when I saw letters from an attorney with my name on them!!

As anyone would, I opened it right away even though it was a certified letter to myself and wasn't picked up or signed by me! Not legal.

I then discovered he applied for the divorce in September while on deployment. What????

I asked him why he hid the papers and his response was that he wasn't sure he still wanted the divorce. That part I could understand but not that he illegally held these from me.

I decided that I would grant him the divorce but asked him to delay as I had a good job in England and wanted to stay but would need my company to support my visa - that would take several months.

So he agreed that he'd hold off until I could get the work visa. Then when I did get my visa through work, I text him to go ahead and push the divorce through. He simply said 'ok'. After 3 weeks of asking him when will the papers be mailed to our PO on base and he'd say soon...I decided to contact an attorney to speed the process along.

They said they'd review the case again and had I checked the government website to see the status. To my dismay when I did check he had proceeded with the divorce in October 2018 without my knowledge. He told the court he could not reach me. Which was a lie because I have text messages back and forth each month and we were still sharing the dog!

Come to find out as an abandoned AF spouse I now had no rights to return home early and I shouldn't have been using AF facilities including the medical clinic and hospital. So now Tricare may charge me for their services. Between the October date of divorce being filed, I saw many doctors on and off base for a brain aneurysm. 

So you see my request for help is to fund my legal counsel. I'm fighting for the court to reopen the case and then try to get my medical bills paid, plus get my percentage of his military retirement. I don't seek to take more than half but want what is fair as I supported him for 18 years of his military career.

My goal is to raise awareness that this can happen to any spouse that is overseas as a dependant and what they should look out for. Even though you shared a life together and think you can trust, please don't.

Please don't be naive like I was. A note, that once you are divorced the AirForce had no obligation to offer you any services. Even if you are like me and are unaware that you are no longer sponsored.

I'd be grateful for any contribution you have and if you can help get my story out to help other spouses before getting into this situation.

Many thanks,

Tracy