Our IVF journey after stillbirth

Our story.

On June 13th 2011 our lives were shattered forever when we were told the devastating news no parents want to hear, that our baby had died inside me when I was 6 months pregnant.

Stillbirth was something we had not heard of let alone something we thought would happen to us, particularly as we had already been blessed with a healthy son. 

On 16th June 2011 I was induced into labour and gave birth to our second child a beautiful boy who we named Daniel, born sleeping at 02:45hrs and weighing just 1lb 9oz. To loose a child is unimaginable and lifechanging, to give birth knowing that your baby will be silent, will never cry, or ever wake up was heart-wrenching.

At first everything was too much cope with and I did want to look at, or hold my son in my arms because I felt like I was dying inside and was too frightened to see what he looked like. However, I felt I needed to do this as I was told I may always regret this decision and I am glad to this day that I did.

When I saw my son for the first time the love I felt was overpowering as it was when I held my first born in my arms. He was so tiny and so perfect. In those few precious moments I told him I loved him and always would do and that I was sorry I could not carry him and hear him cry in my arms. My only regret that day was that I did not hold him long enough or take enough time to absorb in every feature of him so that it would be forever in my memory. You see that is all I would have of him memories and that part was the hardest to bear.

Having 2 boys and watching them grow up and play together was something that we had planned, what we had dreamed. We never imagined that instead we would be having to arrange a funeral service and bury our own child. Parents are supposed to die first not your child!!!

Little did we know it at the time but this was to be only the beginning of our long journey filled with so many emotions neither of us realised were possible to feel. Starting with the long struggle to try and rebuild our shattered lives without our much wanted child, then with the issue of trying unsuccessfully to have another baby.

Nothing had prepared us for this continuous emotional rollercoaster as I had been pregnant twice before, yet again it felt like another blow adding to the raw emotions we were already going through. When your baby dies you desperately want to try again soon after to have another. This is not to replace the child you have lost, you could never do that. It is the fact that you may have some hope for the future to cling onto from the neverending darkness which envelopes you every minute of everyday afterwards.

After trying for some time unsuccessfully for another baby ourselves we decided to opt for the IVF route and we had no choice but to fund it ourselves. IVF in itself is physically, emotionally and financially draining and was much more difficult to cope with when struggling with life after a stillbirth.

We currently have a chance for 2 more attempts at IVF with frozen embryos we are fortunate enough to have left in storage. However, we are now faced with the reality that we have no money left to fund our last 2 cycles and complete the end of our long journey.

If we cannot find the money to fund the final stage of our IVF journey then we are faced with our precious miracle embryos having to be destroyed and after all the heartache we have already been through this is something I really don't want to have to face. If anyone could find it in their hearts to kindly donate even just a small amount towards our target we would be so very thankful and forever grateful that you will have contributed to our chance to have another baby.