YOU DON'T OWE ME ANYTHING

SO HERE WE ARE

CAVEATS:

-- It galls me to ask when there are so many much worse things going on in the world. But hey, I remind myself that it's not a game of Top Your Trauma.

-- My pride is not so great that I'm not OK with you sharing this. Go to town.

-- You have NO IDEA how far I can make five bucks go.

-- I realize most people I know don't have much in way of $$. I'm sorry.

ON WITH THE SOB STORY

I have been unemployed since January. This is my fault in the sense that I said "boss, this turned into a 2-person job a long time ago, and I don't want to die young." Seriously. Only two people on my mom's side survived their fifties (mom made it past her 62nd birthday!). I would really like to buck this trend.

Ironically, suicidal ideation has become absolutely crippling for me at times. Fun fact: I was raised to believe that if I'm not earning money, I literally have no value as a human. That may not have been the intent, but it sure was the message! (OF COURSE I'm in therapy. And on a more serious note, I tentatively think we may have nailed down the SI.)

Now, I AM getting interviews interspersed throughout this! Just no one has said WE LOVE YOU, STAY FOREVER yet. To be strictly fair, trying to tell people you're awesome when you're also wishing you hadn't been born may not be that effective. Sorely tempted to just start meeting potential employers while wearing a shirt that reads "I'M COOL, GIVE ME MONEY," but I guess that wouldn't be any more effective. Unless they had a truly astonishing sense of humor, in which case I'd be DYING to work for them.

(Also, since my eyesight means I will never ever drive, I'm limited to where I can reasonably get to on public transport, so: there's that.)

I think I've been, and remain, fairly creative in trying to stay afloat. Now 100% in "hey, anyone want my bone marrow?" territory, but that too takes time. Which I'm sorry to say I have run out of.

"Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way" and I've often been guilty of it. Trying to remind myself that being that I am Irish-American I should maybe consider being desperate A LOT MORE LOUDLY.

Basically I'm obsessed with ending up homeless... much as I am deeply touched that many dear ones have already made clear that even if I lose everything else, I will ALWAYS have a home <3 <3 <3
(just, obviously I don't want to lose everything else OR impose)

I am 100% open to offers of employment! And I choose to believe that if I could just take a little bit of the edge off the bleeding financial wound, I would have a shot at stability!

WHAT I CAN OFFER (AKA WHAT'S ALREADY YOURS ANYWAY)

WE CAN PRETEND:

-- It's a birthday present (12/8)!

-- You bought me a coffee / beer / dinner!

-- We went to the movies!

-- We went to Aruba! VERY KIDDING

-- You are funding my vigilante superhero team!

.....okay actually there are a lot of fun things we could pretend. Also, if you want to do any of these things (OTHER THAN Aruba), please let's!

I CAN OFFER:

-- My eternal gratitude! Fair warning, I WILL cry.

-- Writing you a thing!

-- Putting songs next to each other, which many have enjoyed!

-- Local: helping you purge / organize!

-- Local: massage for arthritic dogs & cats! I HAVE A SUPERPOWER (...I do realize it's not that helpful to a vigilante hero).

-- Helping you with something I don't know about yet!

It seems crass to sign off with love, but nevertheless: BIG LOVE