Music for Rudy's Birthday

TL;DR: If you were going to buy me a beer or something for my birthday, please throw that dosh right here instead, so I can replace my speakers and get back to slangin' my own tunes.


People of Earth,

I share a birthday with Elvis Presley, David Bowie, and, I’m sure, billions of other very lovely people as well. No need for mystery here, I’ll just go ahead and tell you; it is the eighth day of January, the month in which we all currently struggle. While I do not share their levels of success-and perhaps, talent-like misters Presley and Bowie, I’ve a certain passion for music. LOOK! Here's proof!  It is partly in appeal to humanity’s shared sense of reverence for the audible arts that I humbly and digitally panhandle before you today. I’ve been writing and performing music for over a decade now but have recently encountered a hardship I cannot overcome on my own: my computer speakers are dead. They are damaged to a point that I cannot properly hear the music I attempt to make, as I am making it! 

The other part of my motivation to mooch from you today is my aforementioned day of birth. The super-cool among you will be familiar with a certain ham, liquor, and revenge centered celebration that I orchestrate around this time every year instead of a simple birthday party: a cultural endeavor I usually fit the minor bill for in the name of community and camaraderie. Alas, it is with a heavy heart that I inform you that the Feast of Alvis will not be observed this year, for multiple reasons, not least among them, financial. Instead (even of attempting to collect so that I can continue this tradition) I am asking any resources you may have contributed, be directed  toward the replacement of the tools I need to get back to jamming. (If you already purchased the Evan Williams’ eggnog, I’m sorry, but I wasn’t going to accept it anyway.)

So this year with our shared love for music and for culture and for the day of my birth, in lieu of the Feast of Alvis or any beer you might buy me out on the town, any material token of your affection, or any gas you may have purchased to travel to visit me, I am asking that you contribute to the purchase of these two, 8-inch, powered studio monitors  so that I might resume, nay, IMPROVE my efforts towards my greatest passion: funky melodies and fatass BEATS! Rest assured, I am honor bound to spend any funds I receive through this exchange on these tools and nothing else, so no birthday bar tabs or bites at elbulli: just more BOOM BOOM BOOM from my bedroom studio. Absolutely any contribution will be adored! From just a couple dollars to five dollars to expressions of serious disposable income, I will never forget any assistance I receive towards this goal. In fact, I’m thrilled that you’re even reading this far into this extended begging session!

Let me conclude with a promise. It is not without overcoming great apprehension at the very concept of crowdfunding that I engage in this, what I think of as cybernetic hoboery. I can assure you, you’ll never see me create a crowdsourced campaign for some pie-in-the-sky dream of mine that nobody ever asked me for in the first place. I concede in this particular instance only because I feel that the magic of technology has afforded us this chance to put what might have been several good intentioned, enormously appreciated, small gestures to a greater purpose: again, funky melodies and fatass beats, WHICH I swear to demonstrate to you as part of the covenant that is basic etiquette in crowdsourcing. Most campaigns offer participants something in return for their contribution, and I intend to likewise compensate as best I can: I pledge to you that as a gesture of my affection for everyone who contributes to my birthday present, by Valentine’s Day 2016, I will make available for download a brand new cover of one of the most powerful love songs of all time, arranged and performed by yours truly. If that doesn’t do it for you then I’ll come over to your house and clean something or you can call in some other favor, I don’t know, whatever. Thank you for your consideration, and Happy Alvistide!