Divorcing Our Domestic Abuser

$2,443 of $3,000 goal

Raised by 54 people in 47 months
I am a mother of four beautiful children that mean more than the world to me. For 10 out of 11 years of marriage I endured psychological, verbal and sometimes physical abuse. My husband is an alcoholic. He is a narcissist. He assaulted me four times now in our marriage and went to jail which is where he sits now. He has been arrested for child endangerment. He had also been arrested for aggravated assault of a minor one of our children. However he is innocent until proven guilty. I do not want to remain married to him that long. A lawyer who can represent me for divorce needs a retainer and filing fees up front. After that she is willing to work with me on payments. Anything anyone can do to help us would be appreciated.


+ Read More
Well now that the divorce is final and he is out of Prison now he is petitioning for visitation. A new fight for my kids is beginning. Thank you all for being there for us. Without you I would have never gotten this far.....
+ Read More
This week July 21 hopefully I will be divorced from him finally. July 29 he goes to Criminal Court to advise if he accepts the cushy 3 year plea deal in DOC....where basically the main will walk in and walk out for everything he did to me and the kids the last 11 years. Once he is released the fight for supervised visitation or joint custody begins. Family Court basically throws out our 9 year order of protection for the kids. He gets to fight for a chance with them. I have been taken to court by his parents for his visitation while in jail. However they do not give any support. Nothing for food or clothes. And after the incident that hapoened in their care the girls do not want to see them and I don't want my kids around them. So my attorney has to go to court for the divorce..and the in laws.... I am supporting my kids on my own. I can barely make rent...utilities..my car..keep food on the table and clothe my kids...and he sits in jail and is fed..clothed..pays his attorneys..unreal...thank you all for supporting us so far and so long... And for the prayers...we love you all! Bless you!!
+ Read More
Well the day I have been dreading is soon coming. He has been offered a plea deal from the Kane County States Attorney for 3 years in the Department of Corrections. This means with good behavior and time served he will probably be out by summer. The kids and I are upset. He gets 4 years parole and we would have a 9 year order of protection if he takes the offer. Now my divorce has been progressing. That has been pushed to go through and let me have custody until he is released. Once released he can pursue Joint Custody or Supervised Visitation. Apparently the Order of Protection can be over turned in Family Court and the kids will not be protected. I am in for the fight here. He always said he would drain me financially and he is trying. I will be going to court a lot I see to protect these kids from him. He also asked for posession of almost everything in the house. It's funny. He has a lot of time on his hands in jail. I will let all of you know how things keep progressing. Thank you all again...bless you!!!
+ Read More
Well things are still moving forward. His original criminal attorney removed himself from his case ...apparently the lawyer found him difficult to work with and he could not communicate with him.....so his divorce attorney is representing him in both cases. Glad he has money while in jail for all of this while I work and barely make all the bills. He sends nothing for his kids....yet feels he should have joint custody. The in laws have also retained a lawyer and are seeking visitation.....more legal fees....I am thankful for the moral support of family, friends and some wonderful new friends I have met. The children are in therapy weekly and the things I have been finding out wish I would have left sooner. But I know I was doing the best I could. I am stronger now and not turning back. I will keep you upated on the trial. Blessings to all of you.
+ Read More
Read a Previous Update
Tommy Tuna
44 months ago
2
2

Stacey, I had told you how to go about it and you didn't listen to me. The lawyers are sharks and here you begged everyone for money instead of listening to someone who knows what he is talking about. Once you put that money down from everyones donation what's next? More money and more money that is what is next. If you would of went to the States Attorneys office while he was in jail you would of gotten everything taken care of but you didn't listen to me. All I can say is good luck on your new adventure and I'm sorry for what you and the kids have gone through but when someone was giving you sound advice and an advantage you shot me down and went to ask everyone for money. It is nice to see you had donations and the people backing you up but I knew this wasn't going to help you with what you were trying to accomplish. Best of luck to you and your children.

+ Read More
Nicolet Sarber
47 months ago
2
2

I pray you get all the help you need. And don't let the in-laws get to you. In-laws never want to believe one of their own could be a monster. None of us ever do. It takes a lot of courage to get out. Be strong, and when you feel like caving? You pull your big girl panties up and keep stepping one step at a time. Don't give up for your sake, or your kids'. And remember that whatever anybody says? They don't matter. All that matters is that you know what's right for you and your kids. They don't know what's happened behind your closed doors. You do because you've lived it.

+ Read More
Stacey Tankink Schnaitman
44 months ago
1
1

Sally Kruthoff is the sister of my husband whi is in jail. While she suggests you check me out his entire criminal record is public. Everything he did ti women before me. Animals..myself and his Children. My life with her brother was not an easy one. And while I stayed out of fear and codependency..that is no longer the case. This man could not support his family. I worked and kept a full time job and kep a roof over our heads. His family enabled him. They can continue to do so. I for one will no longer.

+ Read More
Donna Fallin
44 months ago
1
1

Tommy Tuna HOW DARE YOU... This is my friend she is a classmate!!! Do not judge another until you have walked in there shoes. Granted we are not that close Stacey and I, HOWEVER from everything I have talked with her about her situation and what I have read she is the most honest and pure person!!! I was in similar shoes- My father abused me. Again HOW DARE YOU!!!!!! If you have nothing nice to say then please say nothing at all!!!!!

+ Read More
Stacey Tankink Schnaitman
44 months ago
1
1

Tommy Tuna I would like you to know I contacted the Assistant States Attorney's Office in Kane County handling both the Domestic Battery and Aggravated Assault Case they have never heard of the help to which you are advising in our County. They looked into it especially the Domestic Violence Advocate. So please do not assume I have not done all of my research or exhausted all resources. Thank you for your advice but unfortunately what is available for some is not available for all.

+ Read More
Susie Valentine
19 months ago

I hope everything is going better for you and your kiddos. I also deal with a narcissist. Almost every day is a struggle.. I know I dream of finding away for me and my girls, but with anxiety issues I don't think I could stay strong in court. My heart goes out to you!!

+ Read More
Angela Holmes
30 months ago

Tommy is horrible for criticizing your choices , essentially kicking you while you're already down. No one is in your shoes but you. Do what you have to and feel is best. Tommy the last thing someone who has been controlled and abused needs is someone telling them what to do. Do not give advice , if you want to be supportive LISTEN. Do not judge. This woman has been told what to do for over a decade and now you are chastising her for not listening to you tell her what to do. I don't care how well you know her. Advice is not how you help an abused person. She is shooting your advice down because she trusts no one anymore probably not even herself. Your message is controlling, critical and full of negativity. You do not know how harmful a response like this can be. Do you know how many women commit suicide who have been abused? A LOT! Do you know one of their biggest fears of leaving and speaking out? Someone telling them they are not doing it right, discounting their lack of judgement, saying how they would do it. You're not her, you were not brainwashed. A true friend would not give advice and then chastise a victim of abuse for not doing it how they say. You might as well hold her down for him , your statement just reinforces his words of her bad judgement , not listening when told what to do, etc. etc. Trust me I know TO WELL. Stacey you are smart, capable, you are brave and strong. You have been through a lot. Ignore nay sayers they have no clue if they haven't been where you are.

+ Read More
Tommy Tuna
43 months ago

Not bashing the situation but trying to save Stacey the money. I blew $60,000 in lawyer fees and yes I have walked in Staceys shoes it sucks! I have my kids full time because their mom didn't want them after I spent all that money. All I am saying is is that the lawyers eat up all of that money Stacey and friends. They don't care about your children and definitely don't care about whoever is filing it all boils down to the mighty dollar. Once the funds are dried up and you cannot afford to continue paying no matter what they drop you. I'm just trying to be pro-active here on the situation. I know Stacey is a great mom and has 4 children and is married to an beep beep! If Stacey was my daughter her hubby wouldn't be alive today sitting in jail! I feel for you Stacey and I have been trying to get clothes and stuff from when my kids were little to give to you to help out. I know you have been under a lot of stress and again if you were my daughter that MF wouldn't be breathing. I'll talk to Dann to see how I can get this stuff to you. And I also have a friend of mine who is a States Attorney and see what we can do to get you out of this situation because you my friend are in a pickle!

+ Read More
Judi Selvage
44 months ago

I cannot understand his family supporting what he has done. He needs to stay behind bars forever. He was given too many second chances. Enough already! I'd like to know how his parents sleep at night knowing what was done to their grandchildren. I would make sure they never see the kids again. They don't need that evil in their lives.

+ Read More
Robin Smith
47 months ago

Here is a website that can possibly help you and your children it is life-span.org there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Best wishes to you and your children

+ Read More
Stacey Schnaitman
47 months ago

Thank you Andrea Loescher... I really appreciate your donation and sharing!

+ Read More
Stacey Schnaitman
47 months ago

Ann Simmons you need your money! You are too generous and thoughtful when I know you have some needs as well. My children and I thank you!

+ Read More
Stacey Schnaitman
47 months ago

Thank you Tony and Paula I appreciate it.

+ Read More

$2,443 of $3,000 goal

Raised by 54 people in 47 months
Created June 4, 2015
Your share could be bringing in donations. Sign in to track your impact.
   Connect
We will never post without your permission.
In the future, we'll let you know if your sharing brings in any donations.
We weren't able to connect your Facebook account. Please try again later.
$250
Anonymous
30 months ago
$100
Anonymous
35 months ago
ES
$25
Erica Stone
35 months ago
1
1

Keep fighting to do what's best for you & your children! I'm out the other side now & can tell you that every miserable minute in court was worth it for me. Good luck!

$30
Donna Fallin
41 months ago

You can do this:). Xoxoxo

$20
Anonymous
42 months ago
PM
$25
Penny Mirocha
44 months ago

Stay strong Stacey!!!

$20
Vickie Boyle
44 months ago

I hope you and your children will be happy and well.

Tommy Tuna
44 months ago
2
2

Stacey, I had told you how to go about it and you didn't listen to me. The lawyers are sharks and here you begged everyone for money instead of listening to someone who knows what he is talking about. Once you put that money down from everyones donation what's next? More money and more money that is what is next. If you would of went to the States Attorneys office while he was in jail you would of gotten everything taken care of but you didn't listen to me. All I can say is good luck on your new adventure and I'm sorry for what you and the kids have gone through but when someone was giving you sound advice and an advantage you shot me down and went to ask everyone for money. It is nice to see you had donations and the people backing you up but I knew this wasn't going to help you with what you were trying to accomplish. Best of luck to you and your children.

+ Read More
Nicolet Sarber
47 months ago
2
2

I pray you get all the help you need. And don't let the in-laws get to you. In-laws never want to believe one of their own could be a monster. None of us ever do. It takes a lot of courage to get out. Be strong, and when you feel like caving? You pull your big girl panties up and keep stepping one step at a time. Don't give up for your sake, or your kids'. And remember that whatever anybody says? They don't matter. All that matters is that you know what's right for you and your kids. They don't know what's happened behind your closed doors. You do because you've lived it.

+ Read More
Stacey Tankink Schnaitman
44 months ago
1
1

Sally Kruthoff is the sister of my husband whi is in jail. While she suggests you check me out his entire criminal record is public. Everything he did ti women before me. Animals..myself and his Children. My life with her brother was not an easy one. And while I stayed out of fear and codependency..that is no longer the case. This man could not support his family. I worked and kept a full time job and kep a roof over our heads. His family enabled him. They can continue to do so. I for one will no longer.

+ Read More
Donna Fallin
44 months ago
1
1

Tommy Tuna HOW DARE YOU... This is my friend she is a classmate!!! Do not judge another until you have walked in there shoes. Granted we are not that close Stacey and I, HOWEVER from everything I have talked with her about her situation and what I have read she is the most honest and pure person!!! I was in similar shoes- My father abused me. Again HOW DARE YOU!!!!!! If you have nothing nice to say then please say nothing at all!!!!!

+ Read More
Stacey Tankink Schnaitman
44 months ago
1
1

Tommy Tuna I would like you to know I contacted the Assistant States Attorney's Office in Kane County handling both the Domestic Battery and Aggravated Assault Case they have never heard of the help to which you are advising in our County. They looked into it especially the Domestic Violence Advocate. So please do not assume I have not done all of my research or exhausted all resources. Thank you for your advice but unfortunately what is available for some is not available for all.

+ Read More
Susie Valentine
19 months ago

I hope everything is going better for you and your kiddos. I also deal with a narcissist. Almost every day is a struggle.. I know I dream of finding away for me and my girls, but with anxiety issues I don't think I could stay strong in court. My heart goes out to you!!

+ Read More
Angela Holmes
30 months ago

Tommy is horrible for criticizing your choices , essentially kicking you while you're already down. No one is in your shoes but you. Do what you have to and feel is best. Tommy the last thing someone who has been controlled and abused needs is someone telling them what to do. Do not give advice , if you want to be supportive LISTEN. Do not judge. This woman has been told what to do for over a decade and now you are chastising her for not listening to you tell her what to do. I don't care how well you know her. Advice is not how you help an abused person. She is shooting your advice down because she trusts no one anymore probably not even herself. Your message is controlling, critical and full of negativity. You do not know how harmful a response like this can be. Do you know how many women commit suicide who have been abused? A LOT! Do you know one of their biggest fears of leaving and speaking out? Someone telling them they are not doing it right, discounting their lack of judgement, saying how they would do it. You're not her, you were not brainwashed. A true friend would not give advice and then chastise a victim of abuse for not doing it how they say. You might as well hold her down for him , your statement just reinforces his words of her bad judgement , not listening when told what to do, etc. etc. Trust me I know TO WELL. Stacey you are smart, capable, you are brave and strong. You have been through a lot. Ignore nay sayers they have no clue if they haven't been where you are.

+ Read More
Tommy Tuna
43 months ago

Not bashing the situation but trying to save Stacey the money. I blew $60,000 in lawyer fees and yes I have walked in Staceys shoes it sucks! I have my kids full time because their mom didn't want them after I spent all that money. All I am saying is is that the lawyers eat up all of that money Stacey and friends. They don't care about your children and definitely don't care about whoever is filing it all boils down to the mighty dollar. Once the funds are dried up and you cannot afford to continue paying no matter what they drop you. I'm just trying to be pro-active here on the situation. I know Stacey is a great mom and has 4 children and is married to an beep beep! If Stacey was my daughter her hubby wouldn't be alive today sitting in jail! I feel for you Stacey and I have been trying to get clothes and stuff from when my kids were little to give to you to help out. I know you have been under a lot of stress and again if you were my daughter that MF wouldn't be breathing. I'll talk to Dann to see how I can get this stuff to you. And I also have a friend of mine who is a States Attorney and see what we can do to get you out of this situation because you my friend are in a pickle!

+ Read More
Judi Selvage
44 months ago

I cannot understand his family supporting what he has done. He needs to stay behind bars forever. He was given too many second chances. Enough already! I'd like to know how his parents sleep at night knowing what was done to their grandchildren. I would make sure they never see the kids again. They don't need that evil in their lives.

+ Read More
Robin Smith
47 months ago

Here is a website that can possibly help you and your children it is life-span.org there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Best wishes to you and your children

+ Read More
Stacey Schnaitman
47 months ago

Thank you Andrea Loescher... I really appreciate your donation and sharing!

+ Read More
Stacey Schnaitman
47 months ago

Ann Simmons you need your money! You are too generous and thoughtful when I know you have some needs as well. My children and I thank you!

+ Read More
Stacey Schnaitman
47 months ago

Thank you Tony and Paula I appreciate it.

+ Read More
or
Use My Email Address
By continuing, you agree with the GoFundMe
terms and privacy policy
There's an issue with this Campaign Organizer's account. Our team has contacted them with the solution! Please ask them to sign in to GoFundMe and check their account. Return to Campaign

Are you ready for the next step?
Even a $5 donation can help!
Donate Now Not now
Connect on Facebook to keep track of how many donations your share brings.
We will never post on Facebook without your permission.