Im struggling. Bad.

I’m gonna try to keep this short because I don’t even want to do this rn but I literally don't fucking know what else to do.

Long story short, expensive medical stuff (surgery, meds, 26 total ER visits) from earlier this year (I had cancer removed from my colon), $800 in bs tickets I got in June that I just had to pay to keep my driver's license, getting blocked and screwed over on a $600 graphics contract this week, crashing my car yesterday, and a whole fucking host of other things have me in the worst place I think I have ever been in and I don't know what to do.

For 2 years now, I've dedicated my time and energy in to re-building and restructuring my business and have been surviving off of graphic design alone. Its not much after all of my expenses, but it gets me by and keeps me fairly open for booking and local music related ventures.

Unfortunately, this hole I've found myself in is so deep that I can't find my way out of it. My phone was cut off out of anger this morning, my internet is off because it's behind, and I honestly don't really know what I'm gonna eat today, but all I'm currently worried about is getting my anti-depressants and my anxiety medication so I'll stop freaking out and be able to function. Being self-employed, I obviously don't have insurance, so I'm always paying out the ass for my meds and doctor's visits. GoodRx and prescription cards help reduce the costs drastically, but they won't cover everything. I've been off of my meds for a few days now and it's starting to take a serious toll on me.

I've currently decided that my next move and only option really is to shift my focus away from my business and limit my available time for local music related ventures so I can find a new job. I guess it was kinda stupid to assume I could do this all on my own and make something of it that would not fail me. I was definitely wrong. I'm headed to the library to fill out some new job applications. If y'all know anywhere that will hire someone covered in tattoos, pls hmu.

Anyway. I hate doing this. I don't want to. This isn't who I am. But right now, this is all I know to do. I don't like asking ppl for help. I will deny you if you try to help me and I'm pretty sure everybody I know will tell you that. 

This goal is what it will take to get my home internet reactivated, buy my medicine, and get a bite to eat today. If you donate to this, message me and we will work something out. I can do prints of artwork, graphic design, or eventually reimburse you for this. I'm not asking for handouts, I just don't know what to do rn. I hope this isn't distasteful. I never thought I would be in a position where I had to do this.