Real Compassion for Real Life

It is with a very humble heart, mind, body and soul that I ask those that TRULY care about me to help me at this most tumultuous time in my life. I have yet to post any Facebook live videos because in the end, I actually love and care for my family very much and loyalty is not something I am going to play with EVER. The truth is I am currently homeless and was recently kicked out of the safe haven shelter because in WV racism is alive and very well. My current state is not due to lack of planning, unemployment, drug addiction or alcoholism; though I do envibe. This situation is mostly due to lack of foresight, the trust I place in my family conditioning and my naïve yet very BIG heart. I allowed myself to make some questionable albeit sensible decisions regarding my previous home of 4 years this past November 2018. The decision to relocate back to Fairmont was made due to new employment in town and my partner's sudden heart-attack. It was not an easy choice to make as we considered our home "Our little Piece of Heaven". However, it seemed very necessary as we hadn't even slept there since July 2018 or most of the year for that matter. Unfortunately, we were now on a completely single income with all the normal monthly expenses, plus new mandatory life maintaining prescription costs, uninsured medical bills and sadly an unknown future. I say all of this to say NEVER PUT YOURSELF IN A SITUATION WHERE SOMEONE CONTROLS YOUR SHELTER/HOUSING AND ULTIMATELY YOUR LIFE no matter who they are. If you know me well then you know I am proud to a fault and depend on myself to get things accomplished. Whether the things that have been done to me were by absolute design, contrived, deliberate, and intentional is completely irrelevant and I don't feel the need to air any dirty laundry when speaking on my family or why in a "Mountain State" winter I have slept outside more than once including tonight. What I will say is that we had close to 4k in savings on Jan 7, 2019. As many of you know my grandmother has also been very ill and although I may not be included in the family way as her 2nd grandson and 3rd grandchild, I tried to spend as much time with her as I possibly could as well as my entire paternal family minus the REALEST aunt I have (Sheila A. Murphy) . I was told on December 12, 2018 a week and a half before Christmas that circumstances where I was temporarily staying had changed and I would need to check into a hotel. I was actually told to go to the Avenue Motel (seediest place in town) on Fairmont Avenue since I hadn't yet secured housing in the month and a half since placing our lives in storage. I checked into the Hampton Inn instead thanks to a very special Earth Angel during the holidays leading into the New Year. Karma is a very real force and because I always try to do right by people and keep good mojo I was able to rent that room using the blessing she gave me and the cost was only $30.00 per day. When I was finally told, not in the family group chat, about how ill my grandmother actually was I requested time off to spend with her and my extened family but was told no and that I could not take any time off unless she passed by my now previous employer. This along with everything else that seemed to all come at me at once was the only reason I opted for a personal leave which gave me up to a 6 week window of unpaid time off. We planned to sign the lease on our new house on January 5, 2019 so checking out of the Hampton Inn on 1/3/2019 seemed like a convenient option. This was not the case either and after asking the new landlord to omit the tenant water line & gas line responsibility clause in the lease presented, he retracted the option/offer to rent from Suncoast, LLC and the many rentals available. 
     There are many more details and facts that seem unfair, unnecessary, and wrong on so many levels like; I was told by the police that 4 of the men in Scott's Place said I threatened to kill everyone in the entire building and they had my belongings for pickup. 2 days later when able to retrieve my clothes and shoes they couldn't find anything except the lock box meaning my work & church attire was gone including the shoes. But if you know me, you know that this did & would only increase my wherewithal and drive. Now, I haven't spoken on my situation with anyone who hasn't played a role in the setup for failure because my father taught us how to be men and depend on yourself to accomplish goals. And normally I would never share such things nor do I ever ask for a handout because I'm a proud and very private man. But with my birthday approaching and the current state of affairs in my personal and professional life, I have no choice but to ask for help to get myself where I need to be spiritually and mentally. I need to get out of WV for a break to rejuvenate my soul and find clarity in why in the end I am at this impasse. I have funds being held for me for the purchase of another vehicle as to no longer be tied to the City of Fairmont. But I need to get out of this place for a moment because if I don't I'm not sure how much more my mind will endure. I have been disregarded and abandoned by those I love and cared for and now I am asking for actual help. There are many fabrications, exaagerations and dillusions of the truth but I am going to celebrate myself this my 37th year because I still love me and care about my actual life. MY LIFE IS NOT A GAME TO BE PLAYED AND MANIPULATED by those who foolishly underestimate who I actually am and how strong I have always had to be and didn't take the time to do the research to realize that whatever this game is can never be won by playing dirty.
      My doctor told me that my increased sleeping, even though I don't feel tired, is likely due to all of the stressors currently  in my life and my brain trying to make sense of it all. A much needed break is what was recommended if possible & I need to be away from this never ending cycle of fresh daily bullshit, nonsense, and frauds. If you understand what I mean then it won't be an issue, but if that isn't reason enough and we have known each other for any amount of time then I'm asking to cash in my chips because I at some point, have helped you and likely gone above and beyond in doing so with no expectations of reciprocation. Any thing will help me at this point and with tears in my eyes still trying to wrap my mind around my current status and just how I could have allowed myself to be used and tossed out in a one sided scenario of duplicitous, ego driven manufacturing of manipulations, lies and secret family meetings. Even today I went to seek medical care and was refused and after confronting the receptionist with federal laws, had the police come yet again and make me go to Fairmont Regional hospital (the worst). If there is any love left in the world for a REAL one I ask at this time to please help me. I would be more than a little surprised if anything comes of this at all given the way things keep going but I still have faith that there are more REAL people in this world than there are not.
     I would use the funds for traveling expenses, room & board and honestly a new pair of shoes as most all of mine are now gone; either stolen or thrown away by the police. And anything not used for that would be split between shelter food donations, clean sock donations and the rest added to the vehicle fund I currently have being held for me. I've always been generous to the less fortunate but to walk in their shoes has really been an eye opening experience. I've always said, "But for the grace of God there go I". As well as, "I remain blessed in spite of" and these adages still ring true now more than ever! Once and if I return to Fairmont I'm sure things will move forward as they rightfully should. Either way I'm not too worried because nobody is more powerful than my God and he's the only one that truly has my full back. Thank you all for reading & sharing even if you are unable or unwilling to participate please just remember that life is too short to be unhappy and never allow yourself to be someone else's doormat or puppet. God bless you all!! And if something is wrong it is our duty as human beings to speak up and stand up for what is right. With love, grace and honor remember that joy doesn't come from the world and the world can never steal it from you!!