Pray For Seraphim
In October I went to bed rest with a dilated cervix and ruptured membranes and a bulging bag. The doctors told me she had 48 hours to survive and repeatedly recommended me to abort. I decided to keep fighting.
Staying in bed, I put my bed on a 2' lift for a 15 degree decline to keep the pressure off my cervix. Unable to work, and with zero communication or support from the father who abandoned me, my 11 year old daughter had to help take care of mommy. I had no way to make an income because I was unable to work. Bed rest worked for a little bit until one evening the contractions continued stronger. Being on my feet and minor stressors triggered contractions daily. It was w constant fight to stay completely relaxed. Falling into debt with bills, and with the house falling into disarray, it became harder and harder every day and I thank everyone for the support.
At 21 weeks and 3 days Seraphim Ossa Manning was born at 12.2 oz. she was too young to be saved. If I could have held on for twelve more days she could've had a 50% chance of survival and an 80% chance at 24 weeks after reviewing a cycle of antibiotics and steroids to better develop her lungs and brain.
Upon arriving to ER they notified me that my quad test was returned and that she is at high risk for Down syndrome. This hit my heart heavy but I wasn't determined to give in yet: the test is not positive and an amniocentesis is the more accurate test to assure baby is ok.
In the middle of the night I got the bad news that a high white blood cell count meant I had an infection which was life threatening to me. I broke down and there was no fight in me anymore. If this is what God wants then take her where she'll be happy. I could have a painless medical abortion or induce labor and I decided to endure a birth without an epidural so I can hold her in my arms with her heart beating wholly. I found my peace. When I found out I was 7 cm dilated I decided Serah is ready to go and it's up to me to let go.
She was so beautiful and innocent and tiny and I held her against my skin with bittersweet happiness and sadness at the same time. Life is precious and this experience has changed my life forever. I will never advocate abortion and I will sacrifice my own selfish needs for the life and innocence of a baby and unborn child. Holding her for just a short time in my arms is worth the sacrifice and pain I've endured.
My heart is broken.
Doctor told me to take 6 weeks off to let my body heal and get my head straight. Daily tasks like doing the dishes or making my bed are difficult for me. I'm trying to take things slowly as much as I can handle. I'm trying to get back to work and real estate as soon as possible and get caught up on late bills and make Christmas happen for Kai.
Who is this asshole?
I heard about your fertility issues and desire to have another baby girl and I want to help you with egg donation or surrogacy or whatever your needs are. Stay strong.
I've been keeping up with your story everyday, I almost feel a part of it somehow. I'm so saddened by your latest post, and your beautiful pictures of your baby. reading this story has given me a gift in my own life. I feel more grateful everyday for my daughter who is one, I feel more patient and caring towards her when I now see how lucky I am in comparison to you and countless others. Just know that sharing your story means the world to me, and while I have nothing myself to give to you, you have given so much to me. I share your sadness, you are not alone. ❤
I know we are merely aquaintices but as soon as I saw your post my heart went out to you and your little unborn baby. Your all in my prayers. I respect your bravery and love for your children and pray that you will be blessed beyond measure .