Maysam's Top Surgery Fund

$5,654 of $7,000 goal

Raised by 73 people in 38 months
Hello, my name is Maysam.

For those of you who know me and for those of you who don't, I am a nonbinary trans person of color. I started testosterone on March 5th 2013 and have been living my life fully out as a transgender individual since then. I have had a long journey of learning to understand myself, and with other people learning to understand me as I grow.

I made this gofundme because I struggle with severe chest dysphoria, and the only solution is chest reconstruction surgery, or "top surgery". I am scheduled to receive this surgery on May 17th 2018 with Dr. Charles Garramone. My hope is to raise enough money to cover the cost of surgery.

Every little bit helps, and if you can't donate, please share this page. Thank you for your kindness.
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Tomorrow is the day I get my bandages removed and my drains taken out. It will be the first time I am seeing my new chest. I cannot explain how excited I am to finally be at this point, after so many years of dysphoria and hopelessness. Please be warned that I will be posting a reveal video in which my scars and blood will be visible. I will attach a content warning to that post as well. I feel the need to share this part of my journey to show to others how important gender confirmation can be, and to show others who are struggling that it IS possible to achieve this. Please also be kind with your reactions to my chest as it is still healing. However it may look tomorrow, know that it still is better than how I felt before. Thank you for allowing me to be so vulnerable with you all.
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I just went through a lot of old photos and wow. It's mind blowing - even on this Facebook that I haven't had for very long - all the changes I've gone through. We all go through so many phases in our appearance, our personalities, our behaviors and attributes, but it's more apparent and visible when you're trans.

When I started out with my physical transition, it was a very public process. I interact with a lot of people in a lot of spaces, not all necessarily full of people well-versed in transness. I used to try to document it better, to help cope with the fact that I'm already in some kind of public eye being in Syracuse my whole life. I know I'm going to videotape my chest reveal, and probably take pictures of my scars as they heal for a while. But pretty soon there won't be many more changes to document! Just the mental/emotional ones.

I'll always be coming out to people, and visible in one way or another, as this is a very real part of my being that I am not comfortable hiding. I know coming out is not safe, or even just simply undesirable, for a lot of people. But for me, just like any other part of my identity, it comes out as soon as I open my mouth! I'm just not very stealth, lol. And some of those identities may change over time, or stay the same, but I will still have new phases with how they grow or shape me.

I wonder how top surgery will change how I view myself and interact with the world. I keep thinking of things I want to do with my new body - dance, hike, swim etc. - and things I want to wear - crop tops, tanks, even tshirts (!!!). Everything will be new. I’ll be able to focus on so much more, as the dysphoria around my chest won’t be occupying so much space in my mind. I’ll be able to exert myself in ways I couldn’t before, as binding kept me back in so many ways.

Focusing on this is keeping me motivated to trudge through the pain that awaits me. Here’s to new beginnings and rebirth, and all the forms we take.
the old me
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Today marks 5 days before my top surgery. I cannot tell you how grateful and excited I am for this opportunity to fully become who I'm supposed to be. At the same time. I am somewhat frightened. I am anxious about the procedure. Not that I don't want it to happen; I have wanted this for at least 13 years. I am anxious to go under anesthesia, under the knife, etc. I am anxious about the results, the aftercare, and so on. I want to have the perfect results, but not go through the pain to get them. The pain is inevitable, and I have known this since I first found out about gender confirming surgeries.

However, that is not what I am writing about today. I am writing specifically about this feeling I have that isn't quite impending doom. It specifically feels like imminent death. Not necessarily in a bad way! Definitely the death that comes before a rebirth, albeit, still a death of sorts. My body, as I now know it, will cease to exist in 5 days time. From that day forward, I will be granted a new body, and a new chance at a life that will be changed forever. This is possibly the most important moment of my life thus far. This is a procedure that will forever save my place on this planet, in the skin I was rightfully meant to have. I never thought the day would come, or that it would happen to me.

I have always been a nonbinary person. I have always been me. This surgery doesn’t change who I already am, nor is it necessary for every nonbinary person, or any person under the gender diverse umbrella, to go through this process. I am not doing this because I hate myself; I am doing this out of self-love. I love myself enough to go through with this medically necessary procedure rather than to suffer for another 13 years. I am ready to face this “death”. I am scared, but I am ready. I have died a thousand times before this moment, through sickness, through addiction, through the insanity of trying to make sense of a world that rejects me, in a body that rejects me. What is another death, for old times’ sake?

Thank you all for your contributions. Please remember that I am still accepting donations until it is all paid off. Wish me luck!
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Friends - it's official!!! I am 12 DAYS away from my surgery! Please know that I will be accepting donations afterward to help me pay off the rest of it. I cannot thank everyone enough for helping me get this far, both with financial and emotional support. I am beyond excited and almost unable to comprehend that it is really happening. Please share widely! Much love!
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$5,654 of $7,000 goal

Raised by 73 people in 38 months
Created April 27, 2015
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$40
Anonymous
6 days ago
$200
Anonymous
12 days ago
RB
$50
Roxanne Broda-Blake
1 month ago

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

$54
Anonymous
1 month ago
$25
Kate de la Garza
1 month ago

Will be sending positive thoughts your way!

$25
Anonymous
1 month ago
LG
$20
Lamees Galal
1 month ago

Good luck, Maysam!

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