Nurse in need of medical treatment

My name is Hope Bouchard here is a bit about me.  As long as I can remember I have thought, “I just want to feel normal.” After years of saying this to myself over and over again, a beautiful soul entered my life  to help me reshape that thought. She went on to say, “Hope, I think what you mean is “I just want to feel healthy.”   That was it. That’s what I wanted to feel. I just wanted to feel healthy, To feel some peace...Here is a small piece of my path...
I lost my mother when I was a little girl. I thought I had dealt with the loss. In 2003 my brother passed away. The feelings of his loss, brought back all of the feelings from my mother passing away.  I was in nursing school at the time, my mind was busy studying, trying to make It  through school. I graduated and passed the nursing boards. I began working as a nurse. All of a sudden the pressure of school was gone.  My mind was suddenly more quiet..My past had nowhere to hide. I tried to make the past go away by medicating myself.  I started drinking and using drugs.  This worked for a while.  I thought I had found “normal,”  I thought I found relief...I didn’t. These substances tried to take everything from me and getting sober has been one of the most difficult things I have ever done.  I took a lot of detours getting here  but I can finally say I have been sober for 4 years. I have struggled with anxiety/depression all of my life.  This past year has been one of the most difficult Years for me. A lot has happened personally and medically. An  unexpected scary and potentially life threatening medical diagnosis has required me to travel to Philadelphia as well as NYC. I have traveled back and forth numerous times. Travel has cost me thousands of dollars. A local foundation has helped with treatment costs and I could not be more grateful. I am feeling better about the prognosis, as I had some better news just last week. Going through this medical diagnosis has been life altering. Slowly this year has spiraled for me. Making it through the day without closing my office door, crying in front of my computer was impossible. My co-workers noticed. I had a hard time getting out of bed most days, I no longer wanted to be around those that I loved. I felt empty.I decided that I  couldn’t do it anymore...I have been out of work for over a month. I have had to take numerous days off this year alone simply to travel and receive treatment for my physical and mental  health.It has all added up . I have become mentally and financially Exhausted. It is unknown when i will return to work. I miss being there, I miss the patients.I am working with my Physician to find the right treatment. This has been a challenge. I am in therapy.  I am unable to go back to work at this time.  It has been extremely difficult  not being there,  however, It is not possible at this time.  
I am going to  get healthy.  To make getting healthy easier, I decided to ask for help.  I cannot nor do I want to do it alone anymore.  I feels good to know that I don’t have to...
Thank you for reading my story.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for walking with me on the path to healthy.