Debi's Last Wishes

My mother is dying and there's nothing I can do to stop it. The woman that survived living through a Hell of a marriage for 26 years, the woman that saved my life, the woman that would suffer through her last breath if it meant her daughters were happy is dying and frankly... I need some help to ease her suffering. 

My mother is a good woman, with a pure heart. She was always there for everyone, it didn't matter the situation. She's done so much for this community without ever taking credit because all she wanted out of life was to make others happy. I can't let her die without the world knowing how important everyone was and is to her. 

When she first got sick 4 years ago she was given three months to live. The culprit? End stage liver disease amidst COPD, thyroid disease, Rheumatoid arthritis, kidney disease, and more. We literally prepared for the worst, but my mom wasn't ready to go yet. She spent hours on the computer researching, learning, trying to understand what was happening with her body and somehow, she managed to extend her life. She has lived long enough to meet, love, and know her only grandchild (who is autistic and was non-verbal until 6 months ago). She has gotten to spend special holidays at home, with family. Unfortunately though, we knew it couldn't last forever. 

2 years ago I decided to move back home with my son to help care for my mom. It was the best decision I've made so far in this life. No one specifically taught me that we should care for our elders, but it's something I've developed strong feelings for since my mom first fell ill. This woman cared for me my entire life; I could never and will never leave her in a time of need like this. She is my mother and the only place she should be is where she feels most comfortable: At home, with family, with her dog, in her bed. This is where I need some help from others, dignity aside, because I can't do this on my own financially anymore but it's just not right to place her in a home with strangers that we can't pay for. This is my job as her daughter and her best friend.

She has been home on hospice care for about a month now but things are progressing faster than we expected. She was given 6 months to live but we're not positive she'll make it to Christmas. Due to the intensity of her illnesses, I made a very difficult decision. I took a leave of absence from work because someone needs to be home as close to 24/7 as possible. Her current medical expenses are paid for by Hospice but old medical bills and home bills are not. She's terrified. There is so much to cover, and so many backed bills because she couldn't stand the idea of burdening her children with her "problems", but she doesn't receive enough with SSI to cover everything each month. We barely made ends meet with the addition of my full time paychecks. 

In all honesty, all of this could be for nothing. She's so sick, and she's so tired, she could pass away tomorrow and none of what I'm writing will matter other than her message. She wrote her own obituary in anticipation of her death. If no help comes from this, please just take this portion of her obituary to heart:

"If you think of me, and would like to do something in honor of my memory do this:

- Write a letter to someone and tell them how they have had a positive effect on your life.

- If you smoke - quit.

- If you drink and drive - stop.

- Turn off the electronics and take your child or children out for ice cream and talk to them about their hopes and dreams.

- Forgive someone who doesn't deserve it.

- Stop at all lemonade-stands run by kids and brag about their product.

- Make someone smile today if it is in your power to do so."

*Written by daughter Britney Berger

*Obituary portion written by mother Debi Berger