Please Help With Transition Costs

Iam writing this as a plea for help, as I am desperate and want to live my life.

I am a transgender female. Yes, I have known since I was very young, but I felt repressed from an early age. A lot of damage has been done to me having been raised as a boy, then forced by societal pressure and my own fears to be a man. It got to the point where I attempted to end my own life in June 2013, before finally coming out as transgender. I started my transition in Florida, which involved several months of counselling, followed by hormone therapy. I was supported at the time by my ex wife, close friends and the company that I worked for in Miami, who helped me with the coming out process at work.

In January 2015, I returned to the UK and my GP allowed me to continue hormone treatment as I had already started my transition in America and had a prescription. She referred me to the GIC (Gender Identity Clinic) at Charing Cross (London) in the same month.  My referral was lost and I wasted so much time, so I ended up giving up on the UK, for multiple reasons, so I returned to America in July 2016. as returning to the UK proved to be a bad decision. 

My transition has been a huge struggle, especially early on in the days when I didn’t pass very often. That aspect has become less of a problem as the combination of hormones and the way I present myself in public allow me to be recognized as female, despite my tallness.

While I can wait for SRS (Sex Reassignment Surgery) because I am virtually asexual, other transitional problems are ruining my mental health. My voice is probably the main problem – make no mistake about it, it is deep. I have tried voice training exercises, but to no avail. Passing in public is ruined the second I open my mouth, I cannot face using the phone at all and I have to ask other people to speak for me when out. If I could get surgery on my larynx, not only would my voice match who I am, but it would take away most of my now chronic social anxiety.   I have tried training my voice from YouTube videos but it doesn't work.  

I managed to pay for some laser hair removal sessions in Florida to remove facial hair, but it wasn’t finished and I still have to shave, which is a horrible feeling. I have very light skin and dark hair, so even what’s left is still visible, unless I stay on top of it.  I would like to be able to finish laser followed by electrolysis to get to any areas that laser removal can't. 

I am not happy with my face and feel ugly every day, but much of that is non-gender related. My teeth are crooked, I have an open bite and my nose is enormous. I am afraid to go out most of the time and cannot bear to look at my own reflection.

Lastly, I haven’t had much in the way of breast development from hormones. The chances are I will also need breast augmentation

I am asking for help, because I am at the end of my rope. It’s a catch 22, because if I had a job that paid well, I could probably afford to pay for many of these procedures  myself, without much help, as long as I had good health insurance (but I have had no luck finding a job).  Changing my voice in particular would be life changing and would allow me to grow in confidence. I do not think that speech therapy would be effective, but I would be willing to try it. But the longer this has gone on, the more damage it has done to my mental wellbeing and has ultimately rendered me useless.

I battle suicidal thoughts daily. I am totally dependent on others for help, as I cannot function on my own. Conventional therapy and medication will not take away the depression caused by gender dysphoria. The longer this goes on, the closer I will get to giving up. I don’t want to die; I want the chance to be myself as fully as can be.

I am asking for your help, whoever you are. I realize my life isn’t worth much and that many would tell me to either shut up and make the best of it, or kill myself. I want to be able to choose the third option, which is to have a body and a voice that matches the woman I am.  Although I put $40,000  as the amount I'd like to raise, I do not expect to get anywhere near that amount and would be content with enough money just to pay for electrolysis at this stage.  I accept that I have made a lot of bad decisions in my life, but most were due to hopelessness or running away.  $40,000 is a rough estimate of what full transition will cost here in the US, although I am hoping to find a job and providing I have good health insurance, I will not need to raise as much. 

My life has been in a constant state of turmoil for the last 5 years, moving from place to place, relying on the kindness of family, friends and the system to help me get back on my feet.  I am in regular therapy to work on many of my issues and will be getting help to get myself back into the workplace and I am hoping to find a good and understanding employer as I do not like asking for handouts.  

If you can’t help, please forward this to any organisations or individuals you think may be able to. If I can achieve this, I promise to become a better person and I will try to help those who are stuck in my situation now, contemplating suicide because the system does not help us.  If I can get 40,000 people to donate just $1, it would change my life forever and for the better.   Even if you can't donate and just share this campaign on social media, it will help me.   If any of this money is left over, I plan on donating it to LGBT related charities, particularly SunServe in South Florida, as they helped me a lot during my coming out / early transition process and they do great work in the community.  

Thank you for your time.