"Death of Intellectualism" Ph.D Fund
Donation protected
This GoFundMe campaign is to secure the equivalent to a 4 year Maintenance grant (£16,553 per year). 4 years is how long it will take to complete a Masters of Research (1 year) and a Ph.D (3 years). These funds with pays of basic (and I mean basic!) living costs; that I couldn't otherwise fund through other funding alternatives. I wouldn't ask if it wasn’t needed and these funds weren't going to be put to extremely hard work. My finances work as hard a I do; and I work extremely hard.
My story is one from surviving to thriving; from being on suicide watch in a underfunded psychiatric hospital to graduating with 1st class honors and 2nd top in my class in less than 3 years! It is story I don’t tell often, but it a story I would like to share with you today as it highlights why I am requesting your support.
In 2016 I graduated with a 1st class honors degree from the University of Huddersfield (see profile photo of me looking impossibly optimistic). At Graduation I also collected a few prizes; One was the CMI Undergraduate of the Year (for academic excellence and my active involvement within the department; - as Peer Mentor Supervisor, Peer Mentor and Course Representative - I like to help other people). I also collected a highly sort after prize; The Chancellor's Prize, which is awarded to students who show "exceptional academic achievement" attaining over 80% overall grade. To put The Chancellor's Prize into perspective, only around 10% of undergraduates achieve a 1st Class degree which is an overall grade of 70%, and will earn you a Dean's List Letter. Only 25 students across the whole of the University of Huddersfield received The Chancellor's Prize in 2016; even less in 2017.
However these achievements are meaningless without putting them into context of the situation I was in only 3 years early, To do this I have to go back to August 2013; when I was finally admitted into a psychiatric hospital (after months of waiting on mental health waiting lists and being pumped full of ineffective prescriptions). After over 13 years struggling with a series of severe of mental health issues (starting from age 11), I was forced to suspend my university studies due to an unexpected negative turn in my mental health in the winter of 2012/13. This was further compounded by the sudden death of my father in the Spring of 2013 (only 2 weeks after suspending my studies).
To be honest by the time I reached psychiatric hospital I was happy to be under the surveillance of psychiatric professionals, who could diagnose me and set me on an appropriate treatment path, and hopefully onto a happy future. It was also somewhat of a relief to my family, who were struggling to keep up with the suicide and self-harming watch. On reflection I can see how selfish my mental health was, how destructive it was for the people around me, and how it was destroying my promising life. I was always an intelligent and talented child; but lacked the motivation and discipline to really capitalise on this. The work I would have to do to overcome my mental health issues would inadvertently teach me the drive, perseverance and discipline I would need to survive and thrive in life; which has ever since put me in incredibly good stead. However at the time, I was completely blind to the devastation I was causing, all I knew was I wanted to complete my education and I needed to focus on my health to do that.
By the new year of 2014 I had the task of normalizing my mental state by the September 201; as not to loose my place on my course. If I missed this deadline I would have to restart my course from the very beginning, losing all my hard won grades and most importantly incurring the higher tuition fee rates. As I am from a low income home; both my parents being long-term unemployed and struggling with mental health issues of their own. The prospect of £9,000 a year tuition fees, plus maintenance loans was not a future I could realistically face. I had to meet the September 2014 deadline of restarting my undergraduate course.
This challenge was compounded by the critical state my mental health had deteriorated. The treatment options available only had a 30% success rate, 30% chance of having no effect and a 30% chance of having negative effect (which was not an option, unless I wanted to embrace 11% chance that people with my diagnosis commit suicide); often cuts to mental health services meant that many treatment options weren't available. On reflection it seems absurd to me now to think that I considered taking my own life; and I reason with myself that my drive to continue and live meant that suicide was probably never on the cards for me. However this would be to neglect how I felt at the time and the information available at the time.
Now I don't want to put too much emphasis on the power of will; however in my case, the will power, drive and vulnerability to change were critical to my improvement. The drive to live pushed me forward; It forced me to ask myself the difficult questions of myself and why I was struggling through life, what could I do to change this? No one else could do this work for me, I was the only one who had the power to change my situation for the better.
The following 9 months was by far this is the most difficult work I have ever done, however I am so grateful that I did it, and I did it mostly on my own. This work had the most profoundly positive effect on my life - of which my academic success in 2016 is one part. When I went back to study in 2014, the time passed with great joy; if my grades were high it was because I have a genuine enjoyment of academic work. The awards that I received at graduation were thus not so much a reflection of the hard work I put in at university; but the hard work I had put in overcoming the odds.
But this now brings me to my current dilemma in pursuing future education towards an academic career. Like many graduates I struggled post graduation to either find a job or secure enough postgraduate funding. I knew a Master’s degree wasn’t a requirement to enter into a Ph.D and despite being told (many times) I was just as good as the highest achieving masters students I often lost out on scholarships, due to a lack of Master’s degree. So why not just do the Master;s? Even with the new postgraduate loans I just couldn't afford to do take on a Master’s in the summer of 2016; I had less than £1000 in the back and I needed to find a job fast.
However securing a job was also elusive. My employment record was somewhat tarnished from the long break I took in 2013-16 to focus on my mental health and study; And I often lost out on even low paid internships to more "practical' candidates. This was also true for Ph.D scholarships, that had increasingly become commercialized, despite complaints being raised by academics on the lowering of academic standards and meaninglessness of such Ph.Ds.
Then came the news that the last of my disability benefits were going to be withdrawn. To say I was feeling a little dejected at this point would be a slight understatement; however I did my best to fight off the signs of depression, and financially keep a afloat, and pushed forward into furiously searching for work and or postgraduate funding.
As a Note: Government policy and practice of disability benefits a hotly debated issue. I don’t generally comment around this issue, mainly due to the stigma attached, and hostility one faces when identified as a person who has received benefits.
I for one however couldn’t have achieved the success I did in recent years without the crucial intervention of benefits at the time I most needed them. These benefits helped pay for my recovery from an illness I didn't have much hope of recovering from, without which I might be dead. For this I am forever grateful for the people who helped me complete the overwhelmingly complex forms, and skeptical of the assessment centers that have taken the benefits from so many who need them. Criticism of these centers is just. Thus if I am an example that benefits do indeed work to elevate people from the restrictions of poverty; then I am happy to be such an example.
But I diverge.
It is new year of 2017, I am facing financial hardship (with no option of state benefit assistance), struggling to secure paid work and or postgraduate funding; but I am driving forward. Despite the difficulties I faced, I refuse to be just another unemployment poverty statistic, trapped by circumstances, a no-hoper. I hope in the future I reflect on this moment with pride; because I could so easily go the other way, and say the obstacles are too high, the financial burden too heavy, just give up on your promising academic career and apply to Tescos (which by the way is no longer the sure employment opportunity it once was!).
In some way the lack of job opportunity in even the most mean I menial jobs, inspires me to reach for my dreams. So instead of giving up on my dream of a Ph.D and an academic career; I focussed on writing a Ph.D proposal that just couldn't be ignored by a scholarship committee. And that is what I did, and to some extent it worked. I got invited to interviews for crazy good scholarships and academic jobs that would usually be well out of reach for even a high achieving graduate or postgraduate. I somewhat put this down to learning how to combine intelligence and discipline; to put forward an intellectually searingly academic argument. This is very much what my Ph.D proposal puts together, and it gets me very close to landing that elusive scholarship / academic job, but no bite.
The lack of a Master’s degree on my CV is too much of a hurdle for most scholarship committees. I could often win a fees-only scholarship, but without the maintenance grant, I just could continue; even if I was having to turn down some of the best universities in the country. However I refuse to be beaten; despite my great reluctance to embark on a Master’s this is the task I now embark on with enrolling onto the University of Liverpool Masters of Research degree. I need to provide beyond doubt that I am the best candidate to these Ph.D scholarship committees, and completing a Master’s seems to be the only way to do this.
However I now carry a massive financial burden doing a Master’s, as I have to take £10,000 in postgraduate loans (at 3% interest rate; like the £30,000 debt +(crazy interest and changes in terms and conditions) I already have with Student Loans Company for my undergraduate study wasn’t enough). The postgraduate loan covers my tuition fee and basic rent in Liverpool; however that is it! This is where I now turn to you for help.
This GoFundMe campaign is to secure the equivalent to a 4 year Maintenance grant (£16,553 per year). 4 years is how long it will take to complete a Masters of Research at the University of Liverpool (1 year) and a Ph.D (3 years). These funds with pays of basic (and I mean basic!) living costs; that I couldn't otherwise fund through other funding alternatives.
This fund broken down finances;
1) MRes at the University of Liverpool 2017-18
= £16,553 (living allowance) minus
£10,000 in Postgraduate Loans.
= £6,553 plus
2) 3 years of Ph.D study; I have a number of scholarship options to apply for, for intake 2018-19. So this fund acts as a back-up option in case I can’t win these much converted Ph.D Maintenance grant scholarships; for example if I am offered a fees-only scholarship to a top university again, I would hate to turn it down (again!) because of lack of maintenance funding. This equals;
= 3 x £16,553
= £49,659
Total amount needed = £56,212
As you can see this is an almost insurmountable funding gap to try to close, however I have to try, And this GoFundMe campaign is part of my continued efforts to get myself through postgraduate education.
As I leave my humble home in Dewsbury this September for an even humbler home in Liverpool to start the MRes. I will be keeping this page updated with my latest developments; successes and struggles.
I realise I am extremely lucky to get to where I have so far; someone who has gone through the life events that I have should not really have achieved so much with so little. But I had to work extremely hard to overcome countless unmovable obstacles, many were systemic. My circumstances were difficult however I refuse to let this define me and others, (and explains some of my motivation for working in the past with disadvantaged children in Pupil Referral Units). It might be a somewhat naive task to want to change the world for better, especially in these bleak times, however it is a task that someone must embark on (and this is the focus of my Ph.D), but for this challenge I am ready to dedicate my life.
I thus I ask that you donate, not so much as a favor to me, but because sometimes someone has to stand up and do something right, in a sea of wrong.
Before I thank you for taking an interest in my cause, I would like to thank the people who have helped me get to where I am today. You might think these people have helped me financially, not at all! But it the gentle encouragement that has helped me overcome my demons in dark times, and enabled me prosper, despite the odds. To these people I hold you all more close to my heart than you can know, I will never forget the kindnesses that you have shown me and how grateful I am.
To those who are kind enough to donate. I know it is not easy to part with hard earned money to someone you barely know, not knowing what happens to this money once donated. I will be updating this GoFundMe site regularly to update you on my progress. You can also see what a difference your donation has made through a blog I am starting to document the ups and down and funding hurdles of postgraduate life, and my journey to becoming an academic.
To end I would like to say, It is not my used to ask for financial aid, so I am a little unsure if this funding drive will be successful or if I have said the right things to gain your support. However I have to say it has been incredibly relieving to tell you some of my story. Often as a high achieving graduate people think I must come from a well educated, well off family who could fund private education and have the time and energy to devote to encouraging my intellectual ability. This was not true for me. It has been a hard and long road and many (many many .....) times I thought I wouldn't make it. Each day I am grateful I to be alive and healthy, I know what a gift this is. If this is the only thing I survive through life with, then I am a very lucky human indeed. I am one of the lucky ones; to have escaped many unfortunate circumstances with only a few scars.
As far as the Ph.D, I have the genuine belief my work can help humanity and for this reason I ask for your donation, and this only.
I want to thank you again for taking the time to read my story; and hope it has encouraged you to donate to my cause and I wish you all the best in all your endeavours.
Many Thanks and Good wishes for the rest of your day.
Isabel
My story is one from surviving to thriving; from being on suicide watch in a underfunded psychiatric hospital to graduating with 1st class honors and 2nd top in my class in less than 3 years! It is story I don’t tell often, but it a story I would like to share with you today as it highlights why I am requesting your support.
In 2016 I graduated with a 1st class honors degree from the University of Huddersfield (see profile photo of me looking impossibly optimistic). At Graduation I also collected a few prizes; One was the CMI Undergraduate of the Year (for academic excellence and my active involvement within the department; - as Peer Mentor Supervisor, Peer Mentor and Course Representative - I like to help other people). I also collected a highly sort after prize; The Chancellor's Prize, which is awarded to students who show "exceptional academic achievement" attaining over 80% overall grade. To put The Chancellor's Prize into perspective, only around 10% of undergraduates achieve a 1st Class degree which is an overall grade of 70%, and will earn you a Dean's List Letter. Only 25 students across the whole of the University of Huddersfield received The Chancellor's Prize in 2016; even less in 2017.
However these achievements are meaningless without putting them into context of the situation I was in only 3 years early, To do this I have to go back to August 2013; when I was finally admitted into a psychiatric hospital (after months of waiting on mental health waiting lists and being pumped full of ineffective prescriptions). After over 13 years struggling with a series of severe of mental health issues (starting from age 11), I was forced to suspend my university studies due to an unexpected negative turn in my mental health in the winter of 2012/13. This was further compounded by the sudden death of my father in the Spring of 2013 (only 2 weeks after suspending my studies).
To be honest by the time I reached psychiatric hospital I was happy to be under the surveillance of psychiatric professionals, who could diagnose me and set me on an appropriate treatment path, and hopefully onto a happy future. It was also somewhat of a relief to my family, who were struggling to keep up with the suicide and self-harming watch. On reflection I can see how selfish my mental health was, how destructive it was for the people around me, and how it was destroying my promising life. I was always an intelligent and talented child; but lacked the motivation and discipline to really capitalise on this. The work I would have to do to overcome my mental health issues would inadvertently teach me the drive, perseverance and discipline I would need to survive and thrive in life; which has ever since put me in incredibly good stead. However at the time, I was completely blind to the devastation I was causing, all I knew was I wanted to complete my education and I needed to focus on my health to do that.
By the new year of 2014 I had the task of normalizing my mental state by the September 201; as not to loose my place on my course. If I missed this deadline I would have to restart my course from the very beginning, losing all my hard won grades and most importantly incurring the higher tuition fee rates. As I am from a low income home; both my parents being long-term unemployed and struggling with mental health issues of their own. The prospect of £9,000 a year tuition fees, plus maintenance loans was not a future I could realistically face. I had to meet the September 2014 deadline of restarting my undergraduate course.
This challenge was compounded by the critical state my mental health had deteriorated. The treatment options available only had a 30% success rate, 30% chance of having no effect and a 30% chance of having negative effect (which was not an option, unless I wanted to embrace 11% chance that people with my diagnosis commit suicide); often cuts to mental health services meant that many treatment options weren't available. On reflection it seems absurd to me now to think that I considered taking my own life; and I reason with myself that my drive to continue and live meant that suicide was probably never on the cards for me. However this would be to neglect how I felt at the time and the information available at the time.
Now I don't want to put too much emphasis on the power of will; however in my case, the will power, drive and vulnerability to change were critical to my improvement. The drive to live pushed me forward; It forced me to ask myself the difficult questions of myself and why I was struggling through life, what could I do to change this? No one else could do this work for me, I was the only one who had the power to change my situation for the better.
The following 9 months was by far this is the most difficult work I have ever done, however I am so grateful that I did it, and I did it mostly on my own. This work had the most profoundly positive effect on my life - of which my academic success in 2016 is one part. When I went back to study in 2014, the time passed with great joy; if my grades were high it was because I have a genuine enjoyment of academic work. The awards that I received at graduation were thus not so much a reflection of the hard work I put in at university; but the hard work I had put in overcoming the odds.
But this now brings me to my current dilemma in pursuing future education towards an academic career. Like many graduates I struggled post graduation to either find a job or secure enough postgraduate funding. I knew a Master’s degree wasn’t a requirement to enter into a Ph.D and despite being told (many times) I was just as good as the highest achieving masters students I often lost out on scholarships, due to a lack of Master’s degree. So why not just do the Master;s? Even with the new postgraduate loans I just couldn't afford to do take on a Master’s in the summer of 2016; I had less than £1000 in the back and I needed to find a job fast.
However securing a job was also elusive. My employment record was somewhat tarnished from the long break I took in 2013-16 to focus on my mental health and study; And I often lost out on even low paid internships to more "practical' candidates. This was also true for Ph.D scholarships, that had increasingly become commercialized, despite complaints being raised by academics on the lowering of academic standards and meaninglessness of such Ph.Ds.
Then came the news that the last of my disability benefits were going to be withdrawn. To say I was feeling a little dejected at this point would be a slight understatement; however I did my best to fight off the signs of depression, and financially keep a afloat, and pushed forward into furiously searching for work and or postgraduate funding.
As a Note: Government policy and practice of disability benefits a hotly debated issue. I don’t generally comment around this issue, mainly due to the stigma attached, and hostility one faces when identified as a person who has received benefits.
I for one however couldn’t have achieved the success I did in recent years without the crucial intervention of benefits at the time I most needed them. These benefits helped pay for my recovery from an illness I didn't have much hope of recovering from, without which I might be dead. For this I am forever grateful for the people who helped me complete the overwhelmingly complex forms, and skeptical of the assessment centers that have taken the benefits from so many who need them. Criticism of these centers is just. Thus if I am an example that benefits do indeed work to elevate people from the restrictions of poverty; then I am happy to be such an example.
But I diverge.
It is new year of 2017, I am facing financial hardship (with no option of state benefit assistance), struggling to secure paid work and or postgraduate funding; but I am driving forward. Despite the difficulties I faced, I refuse to be just another unemployment poverty statistic, trapped by circumstances, a no-hoper. I hope in the future I reflect on this moment with pride; because I could so easily go the other way, and say the obstacles are too high, the financial burden too heavy, just give up on your promising academic career and apply to Tescos (which by the way is no longer the sure employment opportunity it once was!).
In some way the lack of job opportunity in even the most mean I menial jobs, inspires me to reach for my dreams. So instead of giving up on my dream of a Ph.D and an academic career; I focussed on writing a Ph.D proposal that just couldn't be ignored by a scholarship committee. And that is what I did, and to some extent it worked. I got invited to interviews for crazy good scholarships and academic jobs that would usually be well out of reach for even a high achieving graduate or postgraduate. I somewhat put this down to learning how to combine intelligence and discipline; to put forward an intellectually searingly academic argument. This is very much what my Ph.D proposal puts together, and it gets me very close to landing that elusive scholarship / academic job, but no bite.
The lack of a Master’s degree on my CV is too much of a hurdle for most scholarship committees. I could often win a fees-only scholarship, but without the maintenance grant, I just could continue; even if I was having to turn down some of the best universities in the country. However I refuse to be beaten; despite my great reluctance to embark on a Master’s this is the task I now embark on with enrolling onto the University of Liverpool Masters of Research degree. I need to provide beyond doubt that I am the best candidate to these Ph.D scholarship committees, and completing a Master’s seems to be the only way to do this.
However I now carry a massive financial burden doing a Master’s, as I have to take £10,000 in postgraduate loans (at 3% interest rate; like the £30,000 debt +(crazy interest and changes in terms and conditions) I already have with Student Loans Company for my undergraduate study wasn’t enough). The postgraduate loan covers my tuition fee and basic rent in Liverpool; however that is it! This is where I now turn to you for help.
This GoFundMe campaign is to secure the equivalent to a 4 year Maintenance grant (£16,553 per year). 4 years is how long it will take to complete a Masters of Research at the University of Liverpool (1 year) and a Ph.D (3 years). These funds with pays of basic (and I mean basic!) living costs; that I couldn't otherwise fund through other funding alternatives.
This fund broken down finances;
1) MRes at the University of Liverpool 2017-18
= £16,553 (living allowance) minus
£10,000 in Postgraduate Loans.
= £6,553 plus
2) 3 years of Ph.D study; I have a number of scholarship options to apply for, for intake 2018-19. So this fund acts as a back-up option in case I can’t win these much converted Ph.D Maintenance grant scholarships; for example if I am offered a fees-only scholarship to a top university again, I would hate to turn it down (again!) because of lack of maintenance funding. This equals;
= 3 x £16,553
= £49,659
Total amount needed = £56,212
As you can see this is an almost insurmountable funding gap to try to close, however I have to try, And this GoFundMe campaign is part of my continued efforts to get myself through postgraduate education.
As I leave my humble home in Dewsbury this September for an even humbler home in Liverpool to start the MRes. I will be keeping this page updated with my latest developments; successes and struggles.
I realise I am extremely lucky to get to where I have so far; someone who has gone through the life events that I have should not really have achieved so much with so little. But I had to work extremely hard to overcome countless unmovable obstacles, many were systemic. My circumstances were difficult however I refuse to let this define me and others, (and explains some of my motivation for working in the past with disadvantaged children in Pupil Referral Units). It might be a somewhat naive task to want to change the world for better, especially in these bleak times, however it is a task that someone must embark on (and this is the focus of my Ph.D), but for this challenge I am ready to dedicate my life.
I thus I ask that you donate, not so much as a favor to me, but because sometimes someone has to stand up and do something right, in a sea of wrong.
Before I thank you for taking an interest in my cause, I would like to thank the people who have helped me get to where I am today. You might think these people have helped me financially, not at all! But it the gentle encouragement that has helped me overcome my demons in dark times, and enabled me prosper, despite the odds. To these people I hold you all more close to my heart than you can know, I will never forget the kindnesses that you have shown me and how grateful I am.
To those who are kind enough to donate. I know it is not easy to part with hard earned money to someone you barely know, not knowing what happens to this money once donated. I will be updating this GoFundMe site regularly to update you on my progress. You can also see what a difference your donation has made through a blog I am starting to document the ups and down and funding hurdles of postgraduate life, and my journey to becoming an academic.
To end I would like to say, It is not my used to ask for financial aid, so I am a little unsure if this funding drive will be successful or if I have said the right things to gain your support. However I have to say it has been incredibly relieving to tell you some of my story. Often as a high achieving graduate people think I must come from a well educated, well off family who could fund private education and have the time and energy to devote to encouraging my intellectual ability. This was not true for me. It has been a hard and long road and many (many many .....) times I thought I wouldn't make it. Each day I am grateful I to be alive and healthy, I know what a gift this is. If this is the only thing I survive through life with, then I am a very lucky human indeed. I am one of the lucky ones; to have escaped many unfortunate circumstances with only a few scars.
As far as the Ph.D, I have the genuine belief my work can help humanity and for this reason I ask for your donation, and this only.
I want to thank you again for taking the time to read my story; and hope it has encouraged you to donate to my cause and I wish you all the best in all your endeavours.
Many Thanks and Good wishes for the rest of your day.
Isabel
Organizer
Isabel Finch
Organizer
