Help me pay for Facial Feminisation Surgery
Donation protected
Why I am trying to raise money to fund Facial Feminisation Surgery.
I have tried to write this many times, and don’t think I will ever get it just right. What I am asking for is a huge sum of money, but it is precisely because it is so much that I now must ask for your help. The problem with being trans is that it is simultaneously very expensive and yet most trans people are very poor. Most of the treatment I had in my life I paid for out of my own pocket. Hundreds each time I would see a specialist doctor, money on regular prescriptions, on therapy, I spent a huge proportion of my student loan on health care, so I sacrificed things to pay for what was essential. I never asked for help partly because I couldn’t bare the thought of people knowing I am trans, and also so I wouldn’t be a burden or been seen as asking for charity for something I thought most people wouldn’t understand.
I was fortunate enough to have one major procedure paid for by the NHS in the UK, and for that I could not be more thankful. It changed my life, and made me feel much closer to myself, to being whole. However I waited years for that surgery, and virtually no state health service, be it the NHS or the health insurers in Germany, will pay for what they consider “cosmetic” procedures. But this is so much more than cosmetic. It’s not about me wanting to be more attractive or to change my appearance significantly, but about erasing those features in my face that I cannot live with, those that are markers of masculinity and which I watched with horror as they altered my face during puberty. This is first and foremost about what I want and how I want to see myself, it’s about giving me the confidence to know I look the in real life the way I see myself in my minds eye. However it is also important to mention that my face among other things, is a major way in which I can get outed as trans, and can and does attract abuse. Abuse is something I could live with if I otherwise liked my face, however I do not and so it has just become a major source of frustration and sadness.
I wouldn’t be asking for help with this if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. It is something I need, something I think about every day, and something I have spend the last two decades longing for. I wish I didn’t have to ask others to help me do this, but this is very important to me and I simply have no way of paying for it on my own.
So what is “Facial Feminisation Surgery” I hear you ask?
Put simply, it is a variety of different surgical procedures designed to remove masculine features and gender markers from the face. Some of these are quite drastic like changing the shape of the jaw or reducing the brow ridge, others less so like slight changes to the hairline. The objective is not to make the patient look like a different person, but to remove the major traces of testosterone during puberty. It also helps trans women to age in a way that looks normal, and not to have to deal with the accentuation of masculine features due to growing older. Not every person has the same surgery or the same procedures as every face is different and there is no prescribed way a patient should look afterwards. My goal is to look like the person I could have been had I been allowed blockers to stop puberty, and to look in the mirror and see the woman that girl Emma grew up to be, to see myself as I see myself in my head.
Why is it so expensive?
Trans surgery and frankly everything about being trans comes with a hefty price tag. While cosmetic surgery for cis people who want to look younger or more attractive may be quite easily accessible and affordable, this is not the case with trans care. There are a very limited number of surgeons who specialise in this area, none in Germany. There are cheaper options in India and Thailand, but this my face and due to the expense I only have one shot at this. Therefore I would much rather be operated on in Europe, by a surgeon who I have thoroughly researched. Surgery is also scary, and being close to home and the people that love me is a significant issue. I was terrified the last time I was in hospital, and that was still in the UK. With this mind I plan to be seen my Dr Bart van de Ven in Antwerp, he has an excellent reputation, and is close enough to home that I don’t need to worry about being a in a far flung part of the world, not to mention the money I would save on travel and getting visas etc. Of course if I cannot raise the whole amount then I might have to think about other options outside Europe, or consider getting a personal loan to cover some of the cost.
Why now?
As a young teenager I promised myself I would get this surgery as soon as I could afford it, I was heavily researching it even then. As I went to university and then graduated I might not have expected to be rich by my age, but I certainly expected it to be something I could afford perhaps with a small loan. The sad reality though is that I am no closer now than I was then. I have tried time and again to save money, only to see it rapidly disappear paying for daily life, or for subsidising crappy employers and low wages. I had honestly all but given up, but it remains something very important to me, something I think about all the time. I want it more than words can say, I need to feel like myself. I’m not claiming it will solve all my problems, it won’t, but I know that it will improve my life immeasurably, just as the other surgery did.
I have an initial consultation booked with Dr Bart for mid October, which should give me a more exact estimate of the total price however it is very unlikely to be any less. So I am asking for donations large and small, it’s a very large sum, but every little helps. Even if you cannot help me financially, I will also be grateful for whatever help you can give whether it’s ideas to raise money or support through this whole process.
Lots of love
Emma
I have tried to write this many times, and don’t think I will ever get it just right. What I am asking for is a huge sum of money, but it is precisely because it is so much that I now must ask for your help. The problem with being trans is that it is simultaneously very expensive and yet most trans people are very poor. Most of the treatment I had in my life I paid for out of my own pocket. Hundreds each time I would see a specialist doctor, money on regular prescriptions, on therapy, I spent a huge proportion of my student loan on health care, so I sacrificed things to pay for what was essential. I never asked for help partly because I couldn’t bare the thought of people knowing I am trans, and also so I wouldn’t be a burden or been seen as asking for charity for something I thought most people wouldn’t understand.
I was fortunate enough to have one major procedure paid for by the NHS in the UK, and for that I could not be more thankful. It changed my life, and made me feel much closer to myself, to being whole. However I waited years for that surgery, and virtually no state health service, be it the NHS or the health insurers in Germany, will pay for what they consider “cosmetic” procedures. But this is so much more than cosmetic. It’s not about me wanting to be more attractive or to change my appearance significantly, but about erasing those features in my face that I cannot live with, those that are markers of masculinity and which I watched with horror as they altered my face during puberty. This is first and foremost about what I want and how I want to see myself, it’s about giving me the confidence to know I look the in real life the way I see myself in my minds eye. However it is also important to mention that my face among other things, is a major way in which I can get outed as trans, and can and does attract abuse. Abuse is something I could live with if I otherwise liked my face, however I do not and so it has just become a major source of frustration and sadness.
I wouldn’t be asking for help with this if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. It is something I need, something I think about every day, and something I have spend the last two decades longing for. I wish I didn’t have to ask others to help me do this, but this is very important to me and I simply have no way of paying for it on my own.
So what is “Facial Feminisation Surgery” I hear you ask?
Put simply, it is a variety of different surgical procedures designed to remove masculine features and gender markers from the face. Some of these are quite drastic like changing the shape of the jaw or reducing the brow ridge, others less so like slight changes to the hairline. The objective is not to make the patient look like a different person, but to remove the major traces of testosterone during puberty. It also helps trans women to age in a way that looks normal, and not to have to deal with the accentuation of masculine features due to growing older. Not every person has the same surgery or the same procedures as every face is different and there is no prescribed way a patient should look afterwards. My goal is to look like the person I could have been had I been allowed blockers to stop puberty, and to look in the mirror and see the woman that girl Emma grew up to be, to see myself as I see myself in my head.
Why is it so expensive?
Trans surgery and frankly everything about being trans comes with a hefty price tag. While cosmetic surgery for cis people who want to look younger or more attractive may be quite easily accessible and affordable, this is not the case with trans care. There are a very limited number of surgeons who specialise in this area, none in Germany. There are cheaper options in India and Thailand, but this my face and due to the expense I only have one shot at this. Therefore I would much rather be operated on in Europe, by a surgeon who I have thoroughly researched. Surgery is also scary, and being close to home and the people that love me is a significant issue. I was terrified the last time I was in hospital, and that was still in the UK. With this mind I plan to be seen my Dr Bart van de Ven in Antwerp, he has an excellent reputation, and is close enough to home that I don’t need to worry about being a in a far flung part of the world, not to mention the money I would save on travel and getting visas etc. Of course if I cannot raise the whole amount then I might have to think about other options outside Europe, or consider getting a personal loan to cover some of the cost.
Why now?
As a young teenager I promised myself I would get this surgery as soon as I could afford it, I was heavily researching it even then. As I went to university and then graduated I might not have expected to be rich by my age, but I certainly expected it to be something I could afford perhaps with a small loan. The sad reality though is that I am no closer now than I was then. I have tried time and again to save money, only to see it rapidly disappear paying for daily life, or for subsidising crappy employers and low wages. I had honestly all but given up, but it remains something very important to me, something I think about all the time. I want it more than words can say, I need to feel like myself. I’m not claiming it will solve all my problems, it won’t, but I know that it will improve my life immeasurably, just as the other surgery did.
I have an initial consultation booked with Dr Bart for mid October, which should give me a more exact estimate of the total price however it is very unlikely to be any less. So I am asking for donations large and small, it’s a very large sum, but every little helps. Even if you cannot help me financially, I will also be grateful for whatever help you can give whether it’s ideas to raise money or support through this whole process.
Lots of love
Emma
Organizer
Emma Rock
Organizer
Berlin
