Help Bry and Zac share a watery embrace.

This is your chance to be part of one of the all time great love stories ever (think Brokeback Mountain with inner-tubes and water sandals). A story that you you can share with your grandkids kids, or all of your cats if you're a single woman over 30. Bryan and Zac have shared a deep life-long love of watching movies and taking selfies in front of random bodies of water.  When this mutual passion became too much to bear, Zac flew west on the gossamer ings of the Parexocoetus brachypterus (look it up you illiterates).  Since that time, they have shared many all-to-brief guys-only "fishing trips" and not-at-all-romantic  afternoons at to the cider mill.

          Recently Bryan and Zac were both diagnosed with terminal cases of adulthood. This had greatly interferred with their "totally-platonic" guys-only trips.
           Bryan's situation is a sad, but typical case of late onset adulthood. Marriage, homeownership, two kids and a practical but rugged subaru wagon. However, his situation has taken a turn for the worse since he has begun to exercise regularly and has been volunteering in his local community in a non-court-ordered capacity for the first time ever. He is now shaving daily and no longer walks around with one hand in his pocket. 
           Zac's situation is even worse, after starting school to get his BS in Marine Biology (pretty sure its actually called Aqua Zumba, but he claims otherwise) things went quickly downill.  He suffered financial ruin due to months of ongoing harrassment by the Portland Parking Authority. After several incriminating photos surfaced Zac was forced (by 'The Man')to sell his wicked sweet, totally photogenic El Camino and buy a f*ckin Toyota Carolla- nope not even a Camry, but a f*ckin bullsh*t tannish-grayish Carolla(I guess they don't have Subarus in Oregon). He was recently seen gently fondling a busniess card for financial planning services and buying Prego marinara in the jar.
           Our friends need your help now. There is a chance that recent breakthoughs in cinema and watersports( no, not those watersports you freaking creep) may be able to prevent their spritual deaths. This summer there will be an opportunity for Bry(his preferred name)and Zac to share a watery embrace while floating in bacteria laden pond while watching a Jake Gyllenhall film in Oregon. Yes, tolerant Oregon.
        Zac has lovinly directed Bry to "get your ass out here!" and we need to help Bry deliver his ass. Donate for friendship, donate for love, donate for watersports movies.