Marcus Lovemore Healing Fund
Marcus Lovemore is currently hospitalized for peritonitis that is not properly responding to antibiotics. We are on day 3... this is dangerous, potential of him going into septic shock, which is very bad & can be fatal...
But Marcus has had several brushes with or NDE (near death experiences), and has come through and healed, so we are very optimistic, but this has been exceptionally challenging & painful & exhausting.
Additionally, we are dealing with a gangrenous wound on his right toes, which unfortunately has also been treated with antibiotics... we are not fans of nor abusers of antibiotics, but when they're necessary... anyway, the foot pain was at 9-10 for over a month, being treated poorly in Mount Shasta, so 10 days ago we moved to Santa Barbara to stay with friends. SB has a great wound center, which helped diagnose that it was a circulatory issue, which were addressing first with Marcus's researched protocols and potentially a leg angiogram...
The foot was starting to feel better, then Saturday BAM! He was hit with peritonitis... that won't go away... usually it lasts 2-6 hours and recedes with antibiotics, not the case. He's had a fever, low BP, and abdominal pain for 3 days. The doctors are concerned as are we...
I'm barely holding up, but staying calm for him, conjuring every last ounce of zen Buddhist kundalini USM training in my cells to support him and take care of myself but it's a challenging balance and I know once we're out of this urgent situation I'll need loads of TLC, support, healing & processing to regain my balance, grounding & equanimity. On the bright side, the revelations & insights will be lifelong & grounding & serve my growth but F**K it's hard.
For you medical types, his stats at worst (estimate on BP):
heart rate: 108
All of these things combined with infection make docs very worried about septic shock...
Foot pain flared up to 9-10 after they re-dressed the wound. His abdomen currently at a 6, he finally fell asleep after about an hour of agonizing pain.
Another round of antibiotics tonight at 8pm. His heart rate, BP & temp have improved slightly, now
Heart rate: 98
But we are not out of the danger zone yet.
Thanks for all the love & prayers & support & donations thus far, we need all the help we can get.
Firstly, the other message I wrote about how I adamantly yada yadaed (not to undermine how awesome I did in this thing, just paraphrasing), but also, it was after a day of meditation and prayer. No shit. Lots of it. So Divine gets some credit here. Absolutely. All the credit.
Tonight. In bed. Cannot sleep. Even with all my usual tricks & extras of them.
I'm stirring. Somethings not settling. It's not just worry. It's my brain piecing all this together...
I made a list today to talk with the doctor. Some aren't worth sharing, but here's the pattern... I started asking to speak with the doctor at 9:30am, he came to speak with me at 4: 45... much to late to schedule procedures!
Blue-ish finger tips (new as of 3 days ago)
Bowel Movements had been daily, since Saturday once every 2 days (oral opiates re-introduced sunday - constipation due to opiates or gastroparesis having a flare-up?)
Cannot breathe nor lie flat...
The doctor, nice guy, smart enough, Dr. SoAndSo not as smart as this lady!
He didn't see it! No one sees it!
Marcus Lovemore would. If he were coherent enough to think...
This cyst thing is restricting his bowel. Doctor SoAndSo agrees on that. What he didn't see:
This thing is restricting his bowel, AND his circulation, AND his breathing, AND his dialysis. They've been blaming the catheter, but it's probably this damn mass in his abdomen that's restricting his blood flow! Fuck! And... They are refusing to drain the cyst until Marcus gets the CT scan which makes him feel like he's suffocating.
Wait a minute. Those bad-ass Interventional Radiologists at UCLA could probably thread a needle through your ovary orthoscopically with an ultrasound and a beer!
So this sort of comes to me tonight while I'm trying to sleep... What do I do now? At 2am? I can't call that IR's number. He called me a few days ago (it might be a service) but if it's his cel... that's pretty... rude. He's the damn CHIEF of the Interventional Radiology department at UCLA...sure we talked on the phone once about Marcus a few days ago, but... do I have that privilege yet? I started a text to him. Stopped. Put it in my calendar to call them firs thing in the morning. Took a beat... felt uneasy about that plan.
Call UCLA. All reputable doctors & hospitals have some on-call after hours thing. It's a fact. It's unfortunate I know this at my age.
Page the on-call Radiologist who (since my guy is the big guy at UCLA) will certainly know my IR guy and be able to get to him easier and faster than I will. Plus, these guys don't get to be cowboys like the cardio or neruo guys, so this might be kind of great for them to have a double-IR emergency case in a guy like Marcus who has "one of the most unique scans I've ever seen," or "the most unique anatomy or vascular system I've ever seen" or, my personal favorite: "I've spent more time looking at your x-ray than any other patient and I've only known you for two weeks." To which I replied (to the Attending Doc at Cottage): That's kind of intimate, did you buy him dinner first?
Sorry, sleep-depraived tangent. Finish, then sleep, must share. I feel relief if I share.
Anyway, thank you thank you thank you is what I said after I got off the phone with the on-call IR, Dr Fellow and he's on it! he's going to tell Mr. Big first thing in the morning and work on getting Marcus transferred to UCLA as soon as possible. He agreed with my assessment and it's urgency. Yay! I told him to call me anytime. Marcus is actually sleeping. We re-bandaged his feet tonight before I left and the nurses think it helped him sleep. Nurses are aware of the transfer and will support it (we made friends after a rocky start (she forced me to leave/hospital rules, but Marcus was really in agony and asking me to stay), again divine giving me grace let go, pick & choose my battles (I left which I needed to do for myself anyway, angels come in all packages and connect). Whew! Now time for me to sleep. Feeling grateful. Hopeful.
He could pull through like he did from the March hospitalization, but man...
what he's been through!
He's the toughest MF warrior I've ever seen! I oscillate from devastated-balling my eyes out, to inspired & gratitude that he's still here... then I wonder if I'm being selfish... wanting him to live, to be here so badly...so far he hasn't said anything close to: "I don't want to do this anymore"... amazingly he still wants to live.
There's no prosthetic for an amputated spirit.
He has the strongest spirit I've ever encountered. His connection to God/divine/creator is so powerful, he still finds gratitude & joy amidst all this bodily pain & torture. Amazing. Right now though, out of it.
Right now, in this moment...
Marcus Lovemore is the love of my life. It is a strange and horrible torture watching the person you love be tortured. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. If I had one. What Marcus is going through, nor what I am going through.
He's had a particularly hard 48 hours. We've had...
He couldn't walk at all today. (He's been walking to and from bathroom, car, kitchen, without a walker). He's exhausted due to pain, discomfort and vomiting preventing sleep. He is weak and underweight. He is beat up. The twinkle in his eye is not there like usual. I am scared.
Right now, in this moment...
Marcus Lovemore is the love of my life. It is a strange & horrible torture watching the person you love be tortured. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. If I had one. What Marcus is going through, nor what I'm going through.
He's had a particularly hard 48 hours. We've had...
He couldn't walk at all today. (He's been walking to & from bathroom, car, kitchen, without a walker). He's exhausted due to pain & discomfort & vomiting preventing sleep. He's weak & underweight. He's beat up. The twinkle in his eye isn't there like usual. I'm scared.