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• I AM a Yoga Instructor, Meditation Instructor, Dancer, Raw Vegan Vegetarian Chef, Artist, Graphic Designer, Social Media Marketer, Writer, Editor, Author, Public Speaker... Whole and Complete in Christ.
• I INSPIRE Artists, Designers, Entrepreneurs, Executives, Athletes, Celebrities, Admins, Blind Adults and Teens, Cancer Patients, Individuals Recovering from Physical Injuries, Car Accidents, individuals and survivors of physical, sexual and verbal abuse, Beginners and seasoned peeps interested in learning about yoga, meditation and raw vegan vegetarian food preparation recipes and detoxing and cleansing. I encourage total Transformation and overcoming obstacles with Christ at the center by learning about yoga, vegetarian food, simplifying your life and scripture.
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YogaButterfly, Ann Hyland
YogaButterfly, Ann Hyland
Raw Vegan Vegetarian Chef, Health Coach
Teacher, Public Speaker
MY STORY
• At age 34, I was a fit yoga athlete, living my dream life in an ocean view apartment in walking distance to the beach in San Diego, CA. At THAT MOMENT everything in my life was coming together as a successful entreprenuer. I had investors for my business ventures, including financing for my new yoga studio and juice bar in San Diego, CA. And for the first time in my life, I felt proud of myself for what I was creating on my own with my own vision and I felt happy as far as my career and being inspired. Romantically I felt drained and uninspired as the people on the West coast seemed way more flaky than the people on the East coast. My focus was on my business and my career and my experience of 4 years in California was that men were just distractions or just interested in meeting Barbie.
My family has always lived in Baltimore, MD. I was asked to "come home" in between my Yoga Retreats to see my family. I'm sure that on some level that I wanted to brag to my family that I had [IT] together, that I was on the "right track". And I have to admit -- then -- I wanted my family's approval. But I didn't get what I wanted. THAT PHONE CALL was another important moment of decision... but I didn't know it at the time. I made the choice to go home to Baltimore, for a brief visit, when my gut told me to stay in California. But I didn't listen to myself. I listened to my family. And as a result of that decision, shortly thereafter everything in my life changed. And in short, I lost 11 years of time.
It first began with me staying with my family while visiting them... specifically living with my Mother in the suburbs without a car. I know who I am when I am living alone in the comfort of my own private sanctuary with my own ways of doing things and maintaining "my things" and having the necessity of being able to come and go with my own car. But when you are without privacy, without a car, without your stuff, you tend to make dumb decisions. I decided since I was going to be "Home", a little while longer, it made "sense" to ship my car across country from CA to MD so I would have my car while in town in MD. My plan was to sell my car with high miles, buy a new car and then drive across country again back to my new Home in CA. Everyone in CA drove BMW and Mercedes, no one wanted my used Nissan with 100plus miles. Well, my plan backfired.
Once I had my car at my Mom's house, she started nagging me about getting a Job, even though I had created a life for myself innCA. To this day, my family hasn't a clue about Yoga or Meditation or the importance of Rest and Relaxation or what the difference is between Vegan and Raw or Vegetarian and when my family sees me "isolating" by sitting indian style on the floor for hours, or lying on my back in my room in "Dead Mans Pose" they think I'm wasting time, I'm crazy... for wanting to control my mind and emotions. My Family's mindset is all about overeating fatty foods and stuffing emotions under the carpet. My choice for choosing wheat grass over a coca cola is still labeled crazy and very misunderstood. So I got a job (30 minutes away) at Whole Foods as a Cashier to appease her and to get me out of her house during the day. Since I was in the process of building a yoga studio and juice bar in CA, working at Whole Foods as a Cashier put me in contact with some key people in my life and gave me some life experience in Sales, handling money and the reality of how hard it is to stand on concrete for 8 hour shifts so I definitely built up my muscles of Compassion for other people. Most of my friends were young teenagers and hippy granola peeps with big hearts –as I am not a drinker and had made the choice to abstain from alcohol and drugs of any kind.
THAT one night I had made plans with a co-worker from the Bakery to go to a music concert after work. He didn't have a car, so the plan was I was going to pick him up after work. But after working a long shift standing on my feet, I knew I was physically tired. What I really wanted to do was go home, take a bath and go to bed. But I had made a promise and I am a person who keeps my word. I called to confirm I was coming. That night it was raining. I turned right out of the Whole Foods onto Falls Road and proceeded going North on Falls Road but something happened that I didn't expect...
A black BMW came speeding out of control going 70mph down the hill in the rain combined with my speed of 30mph and I got hit head on. My ankle was broken and blasted into pieces, my leg was broken , my hip flexors were ripped, my neck and back were injured, my head was throbbing, my shoulders were injured and I was taken away in an ambulance in the most extruciating pain that I had ever felt in my life. My friend who I was supposed to pick up for the music concert knew I was a person of my word and he drove his bike in the rain towards Whole Foods and found me at the accident. He was refused to be allowed to get in the ambulance with me because he wasn't family. Irregardless this 19 year old drove his bike in the pouring rain and sat with me in the hospital and was my comfort. After I spoke with the Doctor about my refusal for surgery, my Mother told the doctors to perform the surgery anyway. I was in so much pain and became addicted to pain killers for the pain. I was stuck living with family in suburbia and I couldn't walk for almost 2 years. My laptop was destroyed from the accident and I lost my data. I was depressed beyond words. I wanted to die, I considered the idea of suicide.
Thank God, I chose Psychotherapy and moved in with my retired Aunt who was going through Breast Cancer so we could help each other out. Me the caregiver nurse hobbling on crutches to support my aunt with cancer and her giving me rides to my appointments since I couldn't walk or drive. Therapy helped give me focus. I was finally able to express myself and my anger about my Mother and the ridiculous Alcoholic family that I grew up in. Being "On Crutches"© enabled me to see life in a totally new way, at a much slower speed, with crisp clarity. I learned to rest and relax with yoga, meditation, breathing, Sound, Yoga Nidra, Music, Positive Affirmations, and kind words. I was forced to let go of the Life that I had created in California. I stopped the construction for my business, got out of my leases, admitted financial defeat and declared bankruptcy. Contacted friends to pack up my stuff and put it in storage. Essentially I felt defeated and I became depressed.
My doctors told me I probably would have a limp the rest of my life. My family and the doctors insisted on many levels that I would never be able to be a Yoga Instructor again and that it was best for me to give up my dream and do something else. Those were the most damaging words that I allowed Myself to consider as a possibility. Luckily I got my Focus back, but it took time, much more time than I had estimated or planned. Ultimately, "the car accident" by a drunk driver, resulted in multiple injuries resulting in surgeries, ankle surgery, leg surgery, fixators, tumor in my toe surgery, repetitive toenail pain and problems, constant shoe problems, chronic pain, chronic insomnia, shoulder injuries, neck pain, chronic headaches, severe back pain, being a walking weather meter, being super sensitive and having flashbacks while driving in any car in the rain, having regular panic attacks, gaining weight, being constipated all the time, trying to deal with pain medications and multiple side effects, dealing with all the issues that Psychotherapy brought up to the surface, living with modifications and losing the life and VIP lifestyle that I once experienced in CA. I was sad. I was finally diagnosed ADD/ADHD. I bargained with my Psychotherapist to put me on an action oriented coaching sessions and to avoid additional medications. I was able to make a comeback. I reinvented myself as a Yoga Instructor in Baltimore. I taught Chair Yoga to Cancer Patients since I was already in the Cancer Clinic spending time with my Aunt for Chemo, I decided I could teach Yoga in a Chair to Cancer Patients. I started to walk with crutches, then with a cane, then walking on my own with a limp. I continued to goto Physical Therapy at Sinai Hospital. Then I taught Yoga Basics to the Physical Therapists at Sinai Hospital. I signed up for the Maryland Mobility Transportation Services and was able to get rides to my appointments. I began Grocery Shopping for myself. I began making raw vegan vegetarian food for myself instead of having my family make me food or eat out all the time. I lost the extra weight I had carried by being able to put weight on my foot and walk again. I got a job as a Yoga Instructor and Pilates Instructor at a local gym. I started subbing for a Yoga Teacher for a 6am Yoga Class and then it spiraled into me building my Saturday 9am Power Yoga class. In a short time, I had totally revamped the Yoga Program and Yoga Events and Corporate Yoga at the Gym and I became a household name in Baltimore as "Baltimore's Best Yogi". And I learned some tough life lessons too. On my daily walk/jog and yoga practice in the Inner Harbor, I was asked out on a date by a cute yoga instructor. Shortly thereafter by my total surprise, I was engaged to that same man, I moved into his house. We had the wedding all planned out. Life seemed to be going fabulously. We were very well liked as Yoga Instructors and I thought I commanded a lot of respect by him and by the Gym, until I didn't. The Gym refused to pay for Workshops where I had records for earned income which is still unpaid to me. My Celebrity Clients were handed off to newbie inexperienced instructors. And I found out my X had dated my boss while being engaged to me. I broke up with him and I left the Gym. I started over again on my own with no backup plan, only my faith. I physically moved and started my own private Yoga Studio in a new location in Fells Point. The house I was renting, got sold because of my good energy and brilliant staging, then I branched into Corporate Yoga and Yoga Privates. Quickly I had many large Corporate accounts for Maryland Institute College of Art, Baltimore Gas and Electric, McCormick and Company, local Country Clubs and many private individuals who were Executives, Entrepreneurs and Professional Athletes. I taught 25 Power Yoga Classes a week along with Private sessions. I was burning the candle at both ends. I was exhausted. All the while as I was pushing myself to expand my business and I was loving the money I was earning. And I was grieving over the loss of my failed engagement. I pressed on. He came back with a second ring and second proposal and an Apology. My gut said "Don't do it!"... I did it anyway. A few months later he told me He believed he was Polygamous and didn't want to marry me or be monogamous after all. I was crushed again, by the same man. My Executive Assistant suggested that I take a Vacation and go visit California, rekindle my Contacts and get a pulse on do I want to go back to California. It was a brilliant idea. She made my reservations and I packed for my CA Vacation and business networking. I thanked my friends in person, for what they had done for me in my time of need and thanked them with my donations of time and money. I reconnected with business alliances and discussed possibilities. I had many options on the table. I visited with one Private client and something went terribly wrong. The nutritionist made some kind of Protein Drink and gave it to me. Having had so many Green Smoothies I didn't think anything of it. Some ingredient that was in that Protein Powder --and some ingredient took me off my rocker. I was walking on the beach in Malibu with a friend and I regressed back to age 3, with minimal language skills and my Kundalini energy and Chakras were all blown out. That night at my hotel I had a strange dream that My Father cut his head off and then I took the sword and cut off my own head. I was so freaked out I had a panic attack that my Father was dying for real. I went to the airport in a hurry, caused a disturbance at the airport, was taken awayout of the airport and was escorted by the police and held in the LA Psych Ward for disturbing the peace. I was diagnosed ADD in Baltimore then BiPolar in California. I was held against my will and drugged against my will. I missed my plane to return to Baltimore. The Doctor put me on Risperodol and I was shoveled out the front door. I walked around in a daze, I got lost, I took buses and walked around in LA in circles and finally sat down on a bench. A compassionate man that owned a Auto Body Shop asked me if I needed help and he called my Mother on my iPhone. She bought me a plane ticket to Baltimore and I was put in a cab to the LA Airport. I instructed the AirLine Stewardness that I was on meds and that I needed her help to just make it to Baltimore. The Airline stewardness abandoned me. I got off the plane at the layover in Tennessee and went on a BiPolar Adventure thinking I was in Baltimore. I picked up the wrong luggage of a woman who was a large size 3X. This is key point for later... I rented a car in Nashville. I rented an expensive room at the Opryland Hotel, spending $400 on a room is not "normal behavior" for me. I wore the oversized clothing of an unknown woman when I was a size XS. I lost my iphone and bought another one. I went shopping for fitness supplies. I called my Mother. My Mother was frantic, I never showed up in Baltimore at the BWI Airport. She hired the cops to stand by my room at a hotel in Tennessee. I watched Church TV and felt comforted by the word. I walked out of the hotel room and walked the highway dragging my feet on purpose on the roadway trying to ease the pain from my big toe and ruined my boots. The cops picked me up on the highway and took me to a gas station off the highway and then they got a more important call and I walked away. I walked into the woods. I renounced my identity. I threw my blue fashionable designer purse into the stream. I took off all my clothes. I walked around naked in the woods. I hugged trees. I muddied myself to deaden my smell. I became an animal crawling on the earth. All of my senses were enlightened and turned on full volume. I was every bit of every molecule in the universe. I was content and very silent in communion with the earth and with the heavens. I felt grounded in ways that words cannot express. I cried out to God on my knees. I hid myself from the voices of men walking in the woods. I escaped the woods, waded in the stream and crossed a major road and continued to walk in to a suburbia neighborhood filled with tall mature trees to hide myself with a mission for rest. Naked, I walked up to a house, opened a door, walked into a home with reverence, the cats communicated to me in animal language and protected me. The older couple living in the house were watching TV and had their backs to the hallway. I literally walked in an unlocked home, walked down a hallway and into a spare bedroom that had a super fluffy down comforter and climbed into the bed with mud and all and just rested. I drifted into a deep sleep. When I awakened. I noticed a closet filled with clothes, but I chose to walk out naked. I pet the cat, waved to the dogs and walked out the front door.
I stood in the neighborhood forrest naked walking alone with God and nature. I talked to God. We had amazing conversations. I talked to the trees. I was filled with gratitude and wonderment of the Starlit Evening Sky. I was in total communion with all that is, God the Father, his Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I meditated in lotus pose sitting on the moist grassy ground for hours, talking with God the Alpha and Omega in total bliss. And then after understanding that Jesus Christ is the only way to the true God, and feeling 100% filled with the Holy Spirit in my spirit, body, mind, heart, and soul, i got it. I walked naked towards the car lights, into the intersection towards civilization. I stood naked in the middle of the road with my arms outstretched in the cross... "In the name of Jesus!..." I proclaimed and repeated over and over as I walked in the middle of traffic naked and calm extending my body in the shape of the cross "Peace be with you" I said to every person I saw, to every creature I witnessed, to all beings, "Peace be with you".
I walked naked across the highway towards a gas station seeking some water. Old folks told me "Here put this around you. OMG Look at Her. She's Stark Naked. She's crazy." I walked into traffic, cars stopped everywhere. Cops barricaded me and I was forced into a police car. They wripped my shoulders out of my sockets by restraining me. I was locked up in psych ward against my will. My mother and her boyfriend and my father all drove in one car Thanksgiving weekend from Baltimore to Tennessee to rescue me. my family came to get me and I was labeled "Bipolar". My journey continued... Time passed. I went from size XS 108 pound brick house yogi to an enormous weight gain to 3X, almost 300 pounds because of the psych drugs and all the massive side effects. I went from having a life of my dreams to sitting in a chair drooling -- while my family who believed and put faith in "Medicine" kept me in a medication prison that I didn't know how to get out of. I have been supported financially by my family and resources out of necessity. As a result of the car accident, I was overmedicated and fell into deep Depression. The journey of rebuilding myself was filled with many obstacles and took time. • After years of pushing myself to get better since the car accident, and tremendous action on my part to do "Whatever it takes!!! to get better," I was finally additionally Diagnosed with a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) by Johns Hopkins NeuroScience Team in 2014, that's 6 years of my life lost to being overmedicated!!! And unable to care for myself. In treatment for Cognitive Brain Therapy and Individual Psychotherapy, Brain Mapping. So far I have improved my IQ, dramatically changed my day to day lifeskills and practical abilities. I can handle math and literary problems once again. I can drive a car again. I can go grocery shopping and dress myself again as an independent person. My memory is returning, my various gifts and skills are getting stronger. I got grounded in a Baltimore based Christian church in Baltimore and spent several months volunteering my time, getting to know the Lord, learning Biblical truths and attending Master's bible classes at a local bible college and making new friends. I was inspired by Jesus. I had hope. And one night a male bible college student asked me to give him a ride. That ride was to an inner city church in Baltimore, that invitation was a pivotal moment. The congregation of strange healings and loud participations encouraged is there anyone that knows song "Good Good Father?" I did. But I was the only white person in the whole church that night. Why me God, really? I stood up and walked to the microphone. I'm not a singer by any means. I sang the song. The pastor said, "Sister, share what's on your heart." I cleared my throat and began to share my truth shaking... about my memories of prior abuse that had re-surfaced at age 46: remembering past years of sexual abuse from my uncle age 3 to 5 that has been dormant that came back in flashes, being raped at age 15 and being forced into having an abortion, being raped in college by a group of fraternity guys and my loss of self esteem and hope. Being told the statistics in Christian Education that every young girl who was sexually abused that there are 20 other young girls who were sexually abused by the same predator. Me plus 20 other victims out there. I shared what my experience has been in actively addressing my issues with various forms of therapy, behavioral therapy, trauma therapy and Christian counseling. I encouraged women to find their voice. I encouraged men to be supportive and allow their women to heal. Tears rolled. Healing took place. Women came up to me after I shared and women hugged me for my courage and honesty, they all had similar experiences, we cried together tears of healing in the prescience of the Lord. That night, I left that church feeling inspired that my story could help others and that God had his hand over me for good, for His good,I just had to be brace to show up, tell my story and be willing to reach out and serve others. The guy who invited me that night and his friend appeared to be my friends --but they both violated me and my personal boundaries, nonetheless. My friend without a car, took me on a wild goose chase to drop off his bible college friend, pick up his teenage son in a bad neighborhood and talk to his baby's mama, and told me he needed a ride to his job. Knowing my history, and after I had already set very strong boundaries around not wanting to get involved in any physical relationship, that "bible college male friend" grabbed me from behind, fondled my breasts and violated my trust. Shocked by his sudden behavior, I got out of the situation quickly, enlisted the help from the church to handle the situation hoping to avoid police interaction and I was labeled as having "a Jezebel spirit" as the male bible college student got away without any discipline from my perspective. The other friend took a video of my private sharing of my abuse at that church and put it on facebook publically--without my authorization and without my permission. I lost yoga clients as a result of that posting. I had to get help from my other Christian friend to take down the public video of me which eventually was taken down. Violated by 2 men in one night, one physically and one emotionally and subsequently abandoned by the church leadership that appeared to "protect me". I got Baptized as an adult by the same church regardless, because it was the right thing to do. Both of my divorced parents showed up for my Baptism which was a miracle. I was registered for Bible College, and I followed and honored church protocol about the situation and I was disappointed. I was very angry and hurt. I needed space.
I took a trip to Florida to get away from my life challenges of abuse in MD and to clear my head, so I visited a Christian friend in FL. An invitation for me to live in Florida opened up and I pursued some career opportunities in FL and had my stuff shipped from MD to FL. Everything seemed to be matching up.
And then my dear aunt died in MD and I needed to return home to Baltimore to give the Eulogy. So many obstacles and healing appeared in MD while I visited MD. I inherited some stuff, got into a car accident, and returned to FL for work. And everything I had started in FL fell apart in FL and the spiritual warfare was intense, even with my friend who invited me there. I returned to Baltimore with a carload of my stuff, confused, frustrated and exhausted. I got down on my knees and prayed consistently turning over every thought, one by one to God Almighty. Help me to discern. Thy will be done. Next thought, I don't know what to do, Thy will be done. I surrendered my entire being in September 2016. I surrendered the car accidents, the abuse, my childhood, until I got to gratitude. I opened the Bible and let the Holy Spirit guide me in the Word, page by page for hours. I was led by the Holy Spirit.
I went to different churches, I missed my female friends from the other church. I continued with women's bible study but purposely stayed away from the church and the male abusers. I got a Christian counselor and dealt with each part as it came up fully surrendering and moving towards more healing.
I had to get one major point. I had to learn to forgive completely. Forgive each who harmed me, and make amends for the negativity I held towards each person, one prayer at a time, I let go, one new action step at a time, I let it go. I moved another step and continued the act of forgiveness with every piece of discontent and suffering in me.
Ultimately I had to forgive myself for distancing myself away from God. I recommitted myself to Christ and living His ways.
I returned to the church with total ease, peace and healing with zero resentment and just picked up where I left off. I rekindled relationships with people, reached out for serving others, and recommitted myself to that church to serving God. I came to signup for bible college. The signs were there. Everything matched up with perfect ease to the penny. God is so generous! Because I got that I have to be at a place of forgiveness for everything, every day in total surrender to God and take everything to the cross daily. All doors and pathways are clear for me right now as I am 100% willing to obey, Thy will be done. I am implementing practical strategies into my daily living taking one day at a time.
MONEY ACTION PLAN
Give to God.
Live simply. MIND ACTION PLAN • Behavioral therapy and coaching • Trauma therapy and counseling • Healing and support activities CAREER ACTION PLAN • Job Search for part time work • Job Search for full time work • Teach yoga classes part-time • Master's degree Spring 2017 • Job Search for FT with Masters ORGANIZE ACTION PLAN • Hire Personal Assistant PT • Sell furniture and stuff • Research land location to buy WHAT I CAN USE ONGOING • Gift cards to Target • Gift cards to Walmart • Gift cards to Staples BUSINESS GOALS • Setup Corporation • Create business plan • Create church ministry • Establish non-profit status VISION SANCTUARY Create and live in my own safe sanctuary location in a off the grid green container Home Retreat Space that is on 5 acres or more of wooded land. HEALING LIFE COACHING & RETREATS • Phone coaching • In person coaching • Private Yoga • Private Pilates • Private Meditation • Private Dance • Private Art • Private Vegetarian, Vegan, Raw Food Prep • Private Detoxing and Cleansing • Group Workshops • Group Retreats
Build Container Home
Build Retreat Space
About Me: I want to be clear. I am not lazy. I am very motivated and I am an action oriented person with a focused vision to help myself and help others. I have overcome so many obstacles already. And I am very grateful to God Almighty through his Son Jesus Christ that I have had the courage to move through my obstacles and to create healing and transformation for myself. Financial stress is a result of the car accident and traumatic brain injury. My prior financial resources and savings that I had previously set aside for my business and for my personal life by working previously for many years have been exhausted and are now gone from these traumatic experiences.
BODY I now am a size 6 and moving so much better in my body. I have undergone so many modalities of healing with my broken body from the car accident. From being overmedicated as a Zombie, I was unable to do anything on psych drugs for 6 years. I am getting stronger and leaner with persistent yoga, breathing, meditation, dancing, walking, gym workouts, weight training, eating clean and detoxing and cleansing my body. And this progress takes time. MIND I am actively putting what I am learning into practice into my daily living. I read and learn something new every day. I use tools from Cognitive Brain Therapy to stretch my mind to new dimensions. EMOTIONS Emotionally, I am dealing with the pain and suffering caused by my family's upbringing to Alcholism, Drug Addiction, Gambling, Physical Abuse, Mental Abuse and Sexual Abuse. I am healing myself with Sharing my Story by taking away the secrecy and reclaiming my power back, making Art, shaking out the blocked energy with dancing and overall letting go and praying daily for the cycle to stop in all families across the globe. SPIRIT I meditate and pray every day. I listen to the guidance of God Almighty and Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit in every moment knowing that my needs will be taken care of and that I am loved. I share inspiration and empowerment through social media and I am an advocate for outrageous transformation for all beings in Body, Mind and Spirit. I have dedicated myself to share the message of life coaching, yoga, breathing, medition, dance, art, healing, writing, vegetarian vegan and raw food preparation, detoxing and cleansing and to empower individuals to their unique greatness by living simply and listening. There is so much that needs to be done. I need help to create a team to do the necessary planning, production and marketing and I need financial resources to make all this happen in phases.
Thank you Dear God for hearing my prayers. I know all things are possible in Christ Jesus., thank you for all individuals who have helped me to date with support and for all individuals and organizations who will help me going forward, in Jesus name. Amen.
YogaButterfly, Ann Hyland
YogaButterfly, Ann Hyland
Raw Vegan Vegetarian Chef, Health Coach
Teacher, Public Speaker
MY STORY
• At age 34, I was a fit yoga athlete, living my dream life in an ocean view apartment in walking distance to the beach in San Diego, CA. At THAT MOMENT everything in my life was coming together as a successful entreprenuer. I had investors for my business ventures, including financing for my new yoga studio and juice bar in San Diego, CA. And for the first time in my life, I felt proud of myself for what I was creating on my own with my own vision and I felt happy as far as my career and being inspired. Romantically I felt drained and uninspired as the people on the West coast seemed way more flaky than the people on the East coast. My focus was on my business and my career and my experience of 4 years in California was that men were just distractions or just interested in meeting Barbie.
My family has always lived in Baltimore, MD. I was asked to "come home" in between my Yoga Retreats to see my family. I'm sure that on some level that I wanted to brag to my family that I had [IT] together, that I was on the "right track". And I have to admit -- then -- I wanted my family's approval. But I didn't get what I wanted. THAT PHONE CALL was another important moment of decision... but I didn't know it at the time. I made the choice to go home to Baltimore, for a brief visit, when my gut told me to stay in California. But I didn't listen to myself. I listened to my family. And as a result of that decision, shortly thereafter everything in my life changed. And in short, I lost 11 years of time.
It first began with me staying with my family while visiting them... specifically living with my Mother in the suburbs without a car. I know who I am when I am living alone in the comfort of my own private sanctuary with my own ways of doing things and maintaining "my things" and having the necessity of being able to come and go with my own car. But when you are without privacy, without a car, without your stuff, you tend to make dumb decisions. I decided since I was going to be "Home", a little while longer, it made "sense" to ship my car across country from CA to MD so I would have my car while in town in MD. My plan was to sell my car with high miles, buy a new car and then drive across country again back to my new Home in CA. Everyone in CA drove BMW and Mercedes, no one wanted my used Nissan with 100plus miles. Well, my plan backfired.
Once I had my car at my Mom's house, she started nagging me about getting a Job, even though I had created a life for myself innCA. To this day, my family hasn't a clue about Yoga or Meditation or the importance of Rest and Relaxation or what the difference is between Vegan and Raw or Vegetarian and when my family sees me "isolating" by sitting indian style on the floor for hours, or lying on my back in my room in "Dead Mans Pose" they think I'm wasting time, I'm crazy... for wanting to control my mind and emotions. My Family's mindset is all about overeating fatty foods and stuffing emotions under the carpet. My choice for choosing wheat grass over a coca cola is still labeled crazy and very misunderstood. So I got a job (30 minutes away) at Whole Foods as a Cashier to appease her and to get me out of her house during the day. Since I was in the process of building a yoga studio and juice bar in CA, working at Whole Foods as a Cashier put me in contact with some key people in my life and gave me some life experience in Sales, handling money and the reality of how hard it is to stand on concrete for 8 hour shifts so I definitely built up my muscles of Compassion for other people. Most of my friends were young teenagers and hippy granola peeps with big hearts –as I am not a drinker and had made the choice to abstain from alcohol and drugs of any kind.
THAT one night I had made plans with a co-worker from the Bakery to go to a music concert after work. He didn't have a car, so the plan was I was going to pick him up after work. But after working a long shift standing on my feet, I knew I was physically tired. What I really wanted to do was go home, take a bath and go to bed. But I had made a promise and I am a person who keeps my word. I called to confirm I was coming. That night it was raining. I turned right out of the Whole Foods onto Falls Road and proceeded going North on Falls Road but something happened that I didn't expect...
A black BMW came speeding out of control going 70mph down the hill in the rain combined with my speed of 30mph and I got hit head on. My ankle was broken and blasted into pieces, my leg was broken , my hip flexors were ripped, my neck and back were injured, my head was throbbing, my shoulders were injured and I was taken away in an ambulance in the most extruciating pain that I had ever felt in my life. My friend who I was supposed to pick up for the music concert knew I was a person of my word and he drove his bike in the rain towards Whole Foods and found me at the accident. He was refused to be allowed to get in the ambulance with me because he wasn't family. Irregardless this 19 year old drove his bike in the pouring rain and sat with me in the hospital and was my comfort. After I spoke with the Doctor about my refusal for surgery, my Mother told the doctors to perform the surgery anyway. I was in so much pain and became addicted to pain killers for the pain. I was stuck living with family in suburbia and I couldn't walk for almost 2 years. My laptop was destroyed from the accident and I lost my data. I was depressed beyond words. I wanted to die, I considered the idea of suicide. Thank God, I chose Psychotherapy and moved in with my retired Aunt who was going through Breast Cancer so we could help each other out. Me the caregiver nurse hobbling on crutches to support my aunt with cancer and her giving me rides to my appointments since I couldn't walk or drive. Therapy helped give me focus. I was finally able to express myself and my anger about my Mother and the ridiculous Alcoholic family that I grew up in. Being "On Crutches"© enabled me to see life in a totally new way, at a much slower speed, with crisp clarity. I learned to rest and relax with yoga, meditation, breathing, Sound, Yoga Nidra, Music, Positive Affirmations, and kind words. I was forced to let go of the Life that I had created in California. I stopped the construction for my business, got out of my leases, admitted financial defeat and declared bankruptcy. Contacted friends to pack up my stuff and put it in storage. Essentially I felt defeated and I became depressed.
My doctors told me I probably would have a limp the rest of my life. My family and the doctors insisted on many levels that I would never be able to be a Yoga Instructor again and that it was best for me to give up my dream and do something else. Those were the most damaging words that I allowed Myself to consider as a possibility. Luckily I got my Focus back, but it took time, much more time than I had estimated or planned. Ultimately, "the car accident" by a drunk driver, resulted in multiple injuries resulting in surgeries, ankle surgery, leg surgery, fixators, tumor in my toe surgery, repetitive toenail pain and problems, constant shoe problems, chronic pain, chronic insomnia, shoulder injuries, neck pain, chronic headaches, severe back pain, being a walking weather meter, being super sensitive and having flashbacks while driving in any car in the rain, having regular panic attacks, gaining weight, being constipated all the time, trying to deal with pain medications and multiple side effects, dealing with all the issues that Psychotherapy brought up to the surface, living with modifications and losing the life and VIP lifestyle that I once experienced in CA. I was sad. I was finally diagnosed ADD/ADHD. I bargained with my Psychotherapist to put me on an action oriented coaching sessions and to avoid additional medications. I was able to make a comeback. I reinvented myself as a Yoga Instructor in Baltimore. I taught Chair Yoga to Cancer Patients since I was already in the Cancer Clinic spending time with my Aunt for Chemo, I decided I could teach Yoga in a Chair to Cancer Patients. I started to walk with crutches, then with a cane, then walking on my own with a limp. I continued to goto Physical Therapy at Sinai Hospital. Then I taught Yoga Basics to the Physical Therapists at Sinai Hospital. I signed up for the Maryland Mobility Transportation Services and was able to get rides to my appointments. I began Grocery Shopping for myself. I began making raw vegan vegetarian food for myself instead of having my family make me food or eat out all the time. I lost the extra weight I had carried by being able to put weight on my foot and walk again. I got a job as a Yoga Instructor and Pilates Instructor at a local gym. I started subbing for a Yoga Teacher for a 6am Yoga Class and then it spiraled into me building my Saturday 9am Power Yoga class. In a short time, I had totally revamped the Yoga Program and Yoga Events and Corporate Yoga at the Gym and I became a household name in Baltimore as "Baltimore's Best Yogi". And I learned some tough life lessons too. On my daily walk/jog and yoga practice in the Inner Harbor, I was asked out on a date by a cute yoga instructor. Shortly thereafter by my total surprise, I was engaged to that same man, I moved into his house. We had the wedding all planned out. Life seemed to be going fabulously. We were very well liked as Yoga Instructors and I thought I commanded a lot of respect by him and by the Gym, until I didn't. The Gym refused to pay for Workshops where I had records for earned income which is still unpaid to me. My Celebrity Clients were handed off to newbie inexperienced instructors. And I found out my X had dated my boss while being engaged to me. I broke up with him and I left the Gym. I started over again on my own with no backup plan, only my faith. I physically moved and started my own private Yoga Studio in a new location in Fells Point. The house I was renting, got sold because of my good energy and brilliant staging, then I branched into Corporate Yoga and Yoga Privates. Quickly I had many large Corporate accounts for Maryland Institute College of Art, Baltimore Gas and Electric, McCormick and Company, local Country Clubs and many private individuals who were Executives, Entrepreneurs and Professional Athletes. I taught 25 Power Yoga Classes a week along with Private sessions. I was burning the candle at both ends. I was exhausted. All the while as I was pushing myself to expand my business and I was loving the money I was earning. And I was grieving over the loss of my failed engagement. I pressed on. He came back with a second ring and second proposal and an Apology. My gut said "Don't do it!"... I did it anyway. A few months later he told me He believed he was Polygamous and didn't want to marry me or be monogamous after all. I was crushed again, by the same man. My Executive Assistant suggested that I take a Vacation and go visit California, rekindle my Contacts and get a pulse on do I want to go back to California. It was a brilliant idea. She made my reservations and I packed for my CA Vacation and business networking. I thanked my friends in person, for what they had done for me in my time of need and thanked them with my donations of time and money. I reconnected with business alliances and discussed possibilities. I had many options on the table. I visited with one Private client and something went terribly wrong. The nutritionist made some kind of Protein Drink and gave it to me. Having had so many Green Smoothies I didn't think anything of it. Some ingredient that was in that Protein Powder --and some ingredient took me off my rocker. I was walking on the beach in Malibu with a friend and I regressed back to age 3, with minimal language skills and my Kundalini energy and Chakras were all blown out. That night at my hotel I had a strange dream that My Father cut his head off and then I took the sword and cut off my own head. I was so freaked out I had a panic attack that my Father was dying for real. I went to the airport in a hurry, caused a disturbance at the airport, was taken awayout of the airport and was escorted by the police and held in the LA Psych Ward for disturbing the peace. I was diagnosed ADD in Baltimore then BiPolar in California. I was held against my will and drugged against my will. I missed my plane to return to Baltimore. The Doctor put me on Risperodol and I was shoveled out the front door. I walked around in a daze, I got lost, I took buses and walked around in LA in circles and finally sat down on a bench. A compassionate man that owned a Auto Body Shop asked me if I needed help and he called my Mother on my iPhone. She bought me a plane ticket to Baltimore and I was put in a cab to the LA Airport. I instructed the AirLine Stewardness that I was on meds and that I needed her help to just make it to Baltimore. The Airline stewardness abandoned me. I got off the plane at the layover in Tennessee and went on a BiPolar Adventure thinking I was in Baltimore. I picked up the wrong luggage of a woman who was a large size 3X. This is key point for later... I rented a car in Nashville. I rented an expensive room at the Opryland Hotel, spending $400 on a room is not "normal behavior" for me. I wore the oversized clothing of an unknown woman when I was a size XS. I lost my iphone and bought another one. I went shopping for fitness supplies. I called my Mother. My Mother was frantic, I never showed up in Baltimore at the BWI Airport. She hired the cops to stand by my room at a hotel in Tennessee. I watched Church TV and felt comforted by the word. I walked out of the hotel room and walked the highway dragging my feet on purpose on the roadway trying to ease the pain from my big toe and ruined my boots. The cops picked me up on the highway and took me to a gas station off the highway and then they got a more important call and I walked away. I walked into the woods. I renounced my identity. I threw my blue fashionable designer purse into the stream. I took off all my clothes. I walked around naked in the woods. I hugged trees. I muddied myself to deaden my smell. I became an animal crawling on the earth. All of my senses were enlightened and turned on full volume. I was every bit of every molecule in the universe. I was content and very silent in communion with the earth and with the heavens. I felt grounded in ways that words cannot express. I cried out to God on my knees. I hid myself from the voices of men walking in the woods. I escaped the woods, waded in the stream and crossed a major road and continued to walk in to a suburbia neighborhood filled with tall mature trees to hide myself with a mission for rest. Naked, I walked up to a house, opened a door, walked into a home with reverence, the cats communicated to me in animal language and protected me. The older couple living in the house were watching TV and had their backs to the hallway. I literally walked in an unlocked home, walked down a hallway and into a spare bedroom that had a super fluffy down comforter and climbed into the bed with mud and all and just rested. I drifted into a deep sleep. When I awakened. I noticed a closet filled with clothes, but I chose to walk out naked. I pet the cat, waved to the dogs and walked out the front door.
I stood in the neighborhood forrest naked walking alone with God and nature. I talked to God. We had amazing conversations. I talked to the trees. I was filled with gratitude and wonderment of the Starlit Evening Sky. I was in total communion with all that is, God the Father, his Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I meditated in lotus pose sitting on the moist grassy ground for hours, talking with God the Alpha and Omega in total bliss. And then after understanding that Jesus Christ is the only way to the true God, and feeling 100% filled with the Holy Spirit in my spirit, body, mind, heart, and soul, i got it. I walked naked towards the car lights, into the intersection towards civilization. I stood naked in the middle of the road with my arms outstretched in the cross... "In the name of Jesus!..." I proclaimed and repeated over and over as I walked in the middle of traffic naked and calm extending my body in the shape of the cross "Peace be with you" I said to every person I saw, to every creature I witnessed, to all beings, "Peace be with you".
I walked naked across the highway towards a gas station seeking some water. Old folks told me "Here put this around you. OMG Look at Her. She's Stark Naked. She's crazy." I walked into traffic, cars stopped everywhere. Cops barricaded me and I was forced into a police car. They wripped my shoulders out of my sockets by restraining me. I was locked up in psych ward against my will. My mother and her boyfriend and my father all drove in one car Thanksgiving weekend from Baltimore to Tennessee to rescue me. my family came to get me and I was labeled "Bipolar". My journey continued... Time passed. I went from size XS 108 pound brick house yogi to an enormous weight gain to 3X, almost 300 pounds because of the psych drugs and all the massive side effects. I went from having a life of my dreams to sitting in a chair drooling -- while my family who believed and put faith in "Medicine" kept me in a medication prison that I didn't know how to get out of. I have been supported financially by my family and resources out of necessity. As a result of the car accident, I was overmedicated and fell into deep Depression. The journey of rebuilding myself was filled with many obstacles and took time. • After years of pushing myself to get better since the car accident, and tremendous action on my part to do "Whatever it takes!!! to get better," I was finally additionally Diagnosed with a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) by Johns Hopkins NeuroScience Team in 2014, that's 6 years of my life lost to being overmedicated!!! And unable to care for myself. In treatment for Cognitive Brain Therapy and Individual Psychotherapy, Brain Mapping. So far I have improved my IQ, dramatically changed my day to day lifeskills and practical abilities. I can handle math and literary problems once again. I can drive a car again. I can go grocery shopping and dress myself again as an independent person. My memory is returning, my various gifts and skills are getting stronger. I got grounded in a Baltimore based Christian church in Baltimore and spent several months volunteering my time, getting to know the Lord, learning Biblical truths and attending Master's bible classes at a local bible college and making new friends. I was inspired by Jesus. I had hope. And one night a male bible college student asked me to give him a ride. That ride was to an inner city church in Baltimore, that invitation was a pivotal moment. The congregation of strange healings and loud participations encouraged is there anyone that knows song "Good Good Father?" I did. But I was the only white person in the whole church that night. Why me God, really? I stood up and walked to the microphone. I'm not a singer by any means. I sang the song. The pastor said, "Sister, share what's on your heart." I cleared my throat and began to share my truth shaking... about my memories of prior abuse that had re-surfaced at age 46: remembering past years of sexual abuse from my uncle age 3 to 5 that has been dormant that came back in flashes, being raped at age 15 and being forced into having an abortion, being raped in college by a group of fraternity guys and my loss of self esteem and hope. Being told the statistics in Christian Education that every young girl who was sexually abused that there are 20 other young girls who were sexually abused by the same predator. Me plus 20 other victims out there. I shared what my experience has been in actively addressing my issues with various forms of therapy, behavioral therapy, trauma therapy and Christian counseling. I encouraged women to find their voice. I encouraged men to be supportive and allow their women to heal. Tears rolled. Healing took place. Women came up to me after I shared and women hugged me for my courage and honesty, they all had similar experiences, we cried together tears of healing in the prescience of the Lord. That night, I left that church feeling inspired that my story could help others and that God had his hand over me for good, for His good,I just had to be brace to show up, tell my story and be willing to reach out and serve others. The guy who invited me that night and his friend appeared to be my friends --but they both violated me and my personal boundaries, nonetheless. My friend without a car, took me on a wild goose chase to drop off his bible college friend, pick up his teenage son in a bad neighborhood and talk to his baby's mama, and told me he needed a ride to his job. Knowing my history, and after I had already set very strong boundaries around not wanting to get involved in any physical relationship, that "bible college male friend" grabbed me from behind, fondled my breasts and violated my trust. Shocked by his sudden behavior, I got out of the situation quickly, enlisted the help from the church to handle the situation hoping to avoid police interaction and I was labeled as having "a Jezebel spirit" as the male bible college student got away without any discipline from my perspective. The other friend took a video of my private sharing of my abuse at that church and put it on facebook publically--without my authorization and without my permission. I lost yoga clients as a result of that posting. I had to get help from my other Christian friend to take down the public video of me which eventually was taken down. Violated by 2 men in one night, one physically and one emotionally and subsequently abandoned by the church leadership that appeared to "protect me". I got Baptized as an adult by the same church regardless, because it was the right thing to do. Both of my divorced parents showed up for my Baptism which was a miracle. I was registered for Bible College, and I followed and honored church protocol about the situation and I was disappointed. I was very angry and hurt. I needed space.
I took a trip to Florida to get away from my life challenges of abuse in MD and to clear my head, so I visited a Christian friend in FL. An invitation for me to live in Florida opened up and I pursued some career opportunities in FL and had my stuff shipped from MD to FL. Everything seemed to be matching up.
And then my dear aunt died in MD and I needed to return home to Baltimore to give the Eulogy. So many obstacles and healing appeared in MD while I visited MD. I inherited some stuff, got into a car accident, and returned to FL for work. And everything I had started in FL fell apart in FL and the spiritual warfare was intense, even with my friend who invited me there. I returned to Baltimore with a carload of my stuff, confused, frustrated and exhausted. I got down on my knees and prayed consistently turning over every thought, one by one to God Almighty. Help me to discern. Thy will be done. Next thought, I don't know what to do, Thy will be done. I surrendered my entire being in September 2016. I surrendered the car accidents, the abuse, my childhood, until I got to gratitude. I opened the Bible and let the Holy Spirit guide me in the Word, page by page for hours. I was led by the Holy Spirit.
I went to different churches, I missed my female friends from the other church. I continued with women's bible study but purposely stayed away from the church and the male abusers. I got a Christian counselor and dealt with each part as it came up fully surrendering and moving towards more healing.
I had to get one major point. I had to learn to forgive completely. Forgive each who harmed me, and make amends for the negativity I held towards each person, one prayer at a time, I let go, one new action step at a time, I let it go. I moved another step and continued the act of forgiveness with every piece of discontent and suffering in me.
Ultimately I had to forgive myself for distancing myself away from God. I recommitted myself to Christ and living His ways.
I returned to the church with total ease, peace and healing with zero resentment and just picked up where I left off. I rekindled relationships with people, reached out for serving others, and recommitted myself to that church to serving God. I came to signup for bible college. The signs were there. Everything matched up with perfect ease to the penny. God is so generous! Because I got that I have to be at a place of forgiveness for everything, every day in total surrender to God and take everything to the cross daily. All doors and pathways are clear for me right now as I am 100% willing to obey, Thy will be done. I am implementing practical strategies into my daily living taking one day at a time.
MONEY ACTION PLAN
Give to God.
Live simply. MIND ACTION PLAN • Behavioral therapy and coaching • Trauma therapy and counseling • Healing and support activities CAREER ACTION PLAN • Job Search for part time work • Job Search for full time work • Teach yoga classes part-time • Master's degree Spring 2017 • Job Search for FT with Masters ORGANIZE ACTION PLAN • Hire Personal Assistant PT • Sell furniture and stuff • Research land location to buy WHAT I CAN USE ONGOING • Gift cards to Target • Gift cards to Walmart • Gift cards to Staples BUSINESS GOALS • Setup Corporation • Create business plan • Create church ministry • Establish non-profit status VISION SANCTUARY Create and live in my own safe sanctuary location in a off the grid green container Home Retreat Space that is on 5 acres or more of wooded land. HEALING LIFE COACHING & RETREATS • Phone coaching • In person coaching • Private Yoga • Private Pilates • Private Meditation • Private Dance • Private Art • Private Vegetarian, Vegan, Raw Food Prep • Private Detoxing and Cleansing • Group Workshops • Group Retreats
Build Container Home
Build Retreat Space
About Me: I want to be clear. I am not lazy. I am very motivated and I am an action oriented person with a focused vision to help myself and help others. I have overcome so many obstacles already. And I am very grateful to God Almighty through his Son Jesus Christ that I have had the courage to move through my obstacles and to create healing and transformation for myself. Financial stress is a result of the car accident and traumatic brain injury. My prior financial resources and savings that I had previously set aside for my business and for my personal life by working previously for many years have been exhausted and are now gone from these traumatic experiences.
BODY I now am a size 6 and moving so much better in my body. I have undergone so many modalities of healing with my broken body from the car accident. From being overmedicated as a Zombie, I was unable to do anything on psych drugs for 6 years. I am getting stronger and leaner with persistent yoga, breathing, meditation, dancing, walking, gym workouts, weight training, eating clean and detoxing and cleansing my body. And this progress takes time. MIND I am actively putting what I am learning into practice into my daily living. I read and learn something new every day. I use tools from Cognitive Brain Therapy to stretch my mind to new dimensions. EMOTIONS Emotionally, I am dealing with the pain and suffering caused by my family's upbringing to Alcholism, Drug Addiction, Gambling, Physical Abuse, Mental Abuse and Sexual Abuse. I am healing myself with Sharing my Story by taking away the secrecy and reclaiming my power back, making Art, shaking out the blocked energy with dancing and overall letting go and praying daily for the cycle to stop in all families across the globe. SPIRIT I meditate and pray every day. I listen to the guidance of God Almighty and Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit in every moment knowing that my needs will be taken care of and that I am loved. I share inspiration and empowerment through social media and I am an advocate for outrageous transformation for all beings in Body, Mind and Spirit. I have dedicated myself to share the message of life coaching, yoga, breathing, medition, dance, art, healing, writing, vegetarian vegan and raw food preparation, detoxing and cleansing and to empower individuals to their unique greatness by living simply and listening. There is so much that needs to be done. I need help to create a team to do the necessary planning, production and marketing and I need financial resources to make all this happen in phases. Thank you Dear God for hearing my prayers. I know all things are possible in Christ Jesus., thank you for all individuals who have helped me to date with support and for all individuals and organizations who will help me going forward, in Jesus name. Amen.
Organizer
Ann Hyland
Organizer
Maryland, MD
