Friend Coming Out of the Closet

Alllllllroight. So. My friend. He's a bit gay. Sadly, he's got nothing going for him and he's struggling to bust a nut. It's hard to watch. As a thoughtful friend, I wanted to chip in and shout him a special treat for his birthday . Sadly, we're both broke, because, as you may have assumed by now, we're both entirely incompetent. If you could spare a couple bucks for this noble cause, that would be greatly appreciated--by me and even more so by my mate x